IA and domestic infant adoptive parents - Did you ever expect anyone to help with the adoption expenses?

furfur

We did ours like you did...saved and saved and took out a loan to cover the rest until we could finish paying a year later.

I really feel funny about asking people to fund my adoption...kind of like when people ask you for money for their honeymoon as a wedding present.

Freckle Face

No never.

It was our responsibility. We saved our money. I took a job babysitting, made and sold girls hair bows, made and sold felt Christmas stockings, made and sold baby blankets anything that kept me at home with the kids. We shared a car, clipped coupons, and clothes shopped at goodwill until we had enough money. It never crossed our minds to ask for money.

Yes it bothers me. Fund raisers to me are for charities and adoption is not a charity.

wholelottacats

I never expected anyone to give us money, whether it be charity or family. It bugs me - A LOT - people who do fund raising and expect others to contribute. I also don't agree with going into debt to fund an adoption. Seems sort of irresponsible to me. (Although I'm sure that's not a popular answer).

We made huge changes in our life to be able to afford it. We sold my car and I take the bus. We cut all of the extras out of budget (the good cable channels, tivo, the good coffee, eating out a lot, the big vacation). And I did sell some stuff on ebay. All of the changes we'd eventually make for our child anyway - we just started living that way and saving whatever we could. It's amazing how much money you can find in your budget when you want to.

Jennifer L

It never occurred to me ask anyone for money. We worked and saved. Pretty much the old fashioned way.

Personally, I think it's tacky to ask for money for adoption expenses. Help with catastrophic medical expenses is one thing. Adoption help is another.

aloha.girl59

Nope. Never occurred to me.

When my (now ex-) husband and I started the adoption process, we first went to a private agency. We were concerned about costs, but it never occurred to us to ask anyone to help us fund our desire to have a family.

We eventually left the agency (even after we'd paid them some money) because of some practices they engaged in that we felt were unethical. If I'd only known about this board back then! Anyway, we went through DCFS to adopt our son and it was virtually free to do so.

Kim

It never occurred to me to ask someone else for money for our adoption.

We were very fortunate that we were "good savers" and lived well within our means before we even contemplated adoption -- and we were helped with a bit of a windfall at just the right time (The company DH worked for was purchased and all the original employees got a bonus.) We were able to fund our adoptions without going into debt.

I think FurFur's example is a good one (thumbs up), it's like asking for money toward your honeymoon as a wedding gift. It seems awfully presumptuous â€” and kind of tacky â€”Â to ask others to finance it.

Morgaine

It has never occurred to me that anyone but my husband and I should help "finance" our adoption. If we adopt that is.

Do people who are going through fertility treatments ask for donations to fund their treatments? I also am a little weirded out by the adoption "benefits" I have heard some employers offer their employees. The only way I think this is fair, is if they offer the same "benefits" to new parents, or people who are going through fertility treatments. Even than, it seems weird.

If we adopt rather then try fertility (which is covered, somewhat, by insurance) we would either use our savings or take out a home equity loan to pay for it since we have a ton of equity in our house.

I think it is tacky to ask for handouts, or even have a garage sale that you advertise is being held to help pay for the adoption.

People do not have garage sales or ask for handouts when they are trying to conceive a child. No wonder adopted kids sometimes feel like charity cases.

Sophie

No, I didn't EXPECT anyone to help me period. I wanted to be a Mom... ME.

However, I did do many things to fundraise for money to help with expenses because it was quicker than saving though traditional ways. I worked really hard for several months to save up and obtain the money (yardsales, home refinancing, saving change, secret-shopping, penny-pinching, using coupons, etc.) for the expenses.

I don't care how others do it or did it... you won't receive if you don't ask.

Indian-vision

Yes it irritates me that PAP's ask for money. And we funded for it on our own. My DH's company had a policy on adoption that helped us get back 25% of the money though and that was a great help.

bugitz0223

I paid for mine on my own - and yes, I busted my butt working. I think it's a little tacky to fundraise, but some people have such a very strong relationship with their church, and often the congregation is used to helping people with all kinds of reasons. So I think if they already have this kind of relationship with their church, then why not? People fundraise for stuff like going on overseas mission trips, so maybe some congregations view it in the same way. (I don't, but some people do) The fees are so insanely outrageous that I can see why some people have to do this.

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