IAM HAVING A BABY AND THINK OF ADOPTION ?

myst1998

WOAH, slow down there... I see from your question you don't really want to 'give' your baby up... you are already asking the questions that show you are doubting it.

Please do some thorough reading... start off with "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier and visit some websites:

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.exiledmothers.com/index.html
http://www.originsnsw.com/
http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/

It isn't strength that requires you to 'give' your baby up. Its desperation and the thought you are not capable of caring for your child but YOU ARE. Adoption is NOT something you should even contemplate, Juno is not something to strive for.

Babies are human beings and your baby needs you, his/her mother. He/she already knows you by the time they are born, knows your smell, your heartbeat. Coming into the world is scary for a newborn - they are used to the safe, warm environment of their mother's womb and then suddenly they are thrust into a world of lights and strangers with no food tap. It is very traumatic being born hence why we have no memory of it. The last thing a baby needs at this point is to be taken away from the only person he/she feels safe with: his/her mama.

Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy, don't think about it until AFTER your baby is born and you have held your child close to you. Remember, adoption is permanent and technically, you may never see that child again as most open adoptions are never enforced and the aps can take that child across the other side of the country if they wish too. Adoption is NEVER a win-win situation, it is a tragedy in a normal family that becomes fractured forever with the removal of a piece of you that can never, is never replaced.

I wish you peace at this time, I know what its like to be pregnant and scared; isolated and so very, very alone.

All the best and listen to your heart.

Myst xx

ETA: Don't listen to those who say you can demand an open adoption from PAP's as as soon as the ink is dry on the adoption papers, open adoption can be closed. There is no law enforcing them in most places and there are too many stories of 'lovely' aps who have taken off and shut off all contact with the mother. If you want ongoing contact in your child's life then the best chance you will have is if you KEEP your baby.

snowwillow20

Maybe, maybe not. Will you hate yourself, probably, will you suffer from depression and low self esteem, probably.
If you go with an open adoption, there is a chance that the adoptive parents won't honor it, but there is also a chance that they will.
Think about it long and hard because even though you think it's the right decision now, in 2 weeks, 2 months or even 20 years you will regret your decision.

magic pointe shoes

It seems the only ones who will tell you that relinquishment is a wonderful option are the women who have recently relinquished or people who have never really needed to consider relinquishment.

Things you should KNOW if you are considering adoption for your child.
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

tish

if you are questioning this choice, then it's clear you are not 100% sure. hence, i'd strongly advise you to not make a decision, meet any parents or get involved with adopt agencies until after you deliver and your baby's real.

ps. many who tell you that "it's the hormones", "you'll move on", "you're doing the best for your baby", you're selfless" have, 1) never been pregnant, 2) never made an adoption plan, 3) want to adopt, 4) profit from adoption, or are 5) clueless.

good luck.

Possum

Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.
Babies want to stay with the mothers that they grew in.
They also want to grow up around people that look like them - have the same talents and traits as them.
It's hard growing up in a family of genetic strangers.
Open adoptions are not law enforceable - meaning - once adopted - there is a high chance that you'll never see your child again.
There are ways and means of keeping your child - you just need to look.
Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

I wish you and your baby all the best.

Penny A (Vanessa)

It is best you discuss your feelings with a neutral counsellor who specialises in this area (not the adoption agency). Whether you child will hate you or not is impossible to predict, that will depend on many, many different factors.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

if i were your kid, yes....i would hate you.

i hate my first mother like no one else. i hate her for deserting me. i will never forgive her.

Jayde

Will your child hate you?
That depends largely on your relationship with the adoptive parents, and with your child post adoption.
Can you ever see it again? Open adoption,yes & no. If you do an open adoption,once the paperwork is finalized and your parental rights are legally revoked,then by law the adoptive parents have the right to cut you out of the picture [with restraining orders if need be!],if they choose to. Not all adoptive parents do,or will. If it's a closed adoption, short answer:No.
Agencies brainwash pregnant women all the time into thinking adoption is their ONLY the option,the BEST way,etc. And they milk the adoptive families dry for every dollar at the same time. Agencies are scam artists! They're making a profit from your grief and the adoptive family's joy,remember that.
Only YOU know if you're strong enough for an adoption. I STRONGLY advise some counseling prior to any legal agreements made though. You need to thoroughly explore all your options before making a decision.
I birthed my 3rd son 2 weeks ago,and adopted him out to a friend of mine & her husband [private adoption,no agency,open adoption]. I can tell you firsthand that it hurts,even if you know the decision was right for you/your family. I have the comfort of knowing he's well loved,well taken care of by good people who love him as I do,and his older brothers & I will all be a part of his life still,but even though I don't regret the decision I made,it still takes healing to come to terms with it. Be prepared for that.
Feel free to contact me anytime if you need someone to talk to, regardless of what you decide. NO ONE can tell you what the right decision is for you,except you.

rapet

I put my son up for adoption 2 years ago and have seen him on average on once a month. It is a very open adoption. He knows who I am. I didn't think I wanted an open adoption but my adoption rep changed my mind after a couple of weeks. I chose the parents and we have become great friends. I did not have to pay anything. My insurance took care of my prenatal care and the parents insurance took care on his once he was born. I strongly encourage adoption if you're unable to properly care for a child. It was hard, but it was the best decision I have ever made.

brookalyn

if you're thinking about it then do it. my birth mother did, and it was the greatest thng for me. i feel no resent whatsoever toward her. i respect her for haveing the courage to. its a hard thing to do. if you have an open adoption you can see your child as much as you want, and you can even pick the family that adoptes your child. you dont buy a kid. the family will have to pay for their social security and stuff like that. you are strong enough. do whats best for this tiny baby, not you. dont be selfish

â™¥Sodasâ™¥

If you have an open adoption you can still have some contact with your child--however I would seriously think about this for a bit. Think of later on, what if you want the baby back. Every year you will think of his/her birthday, you will be upset on holidays. Please try to keep your precious baby.

sundragonjess

Your child will not hate you, once he/she gets older, they will understand that you did it because it is what you thought would be the best for them. You can agree to have an open adoption where you can see the child as he/she grows. People pay around $15,000 to adopt a child through an agency. The last question, only you can answer, you are the only one that knows whether you are strong enough or not. You would also be helping someone who may not be able to have a baby, or someone that is having problems trying to have a baby like my husband and I. If you want someone to talk to, email me.

babbs49

First off let me say I am so Happy you did not abored the baby.It is very hard to give a baby up for adoption I can tell you first hand.I gave a baby girl up 21 years ago for many personal reasons.She found me about 3 years ago and things are rocky at times but overall things are fine.I also adopted a little girl and she knows she is adopted and always will.Her father and mother are kept in touch with her.There is opened adoptions it's hard but will be worth it as she gets older.

Lil L

No your child will not hate you as long as the adoptive parents make sure the child understands that you made a loving decision.
You can choose an open adoption and that means you can arrange visits, phone calls, pictures, letters, etc. with your child and the adoptive parents.
Agencies generally charge between $10,000-$20,000 plus birth mother expenses like rent, food, etc. The good news is that someone that is willing to put up that kind of money has to be committed to being a good parent.
You have to decide if you are able to live with someone else raising your child, or if you are able to be a parent. It is not an easy choice so take your time and decide what is the right thing for you and for your unborn child.

div2wice

You are very brave for considering adoption, and I have to agree, choosing adoption is the right decision, instead of killing your child.
Yes, you can see it again. You basically call the shots for this adoption, its your child. You can request (basically demand) that the adoptive parents be ok with an open adoption. You and the adoptive parents can discuss the terms whether it be regular visitation, pictures, updates, etc. That is extremely common these days, and many adoptive parents welcome it.
It all depends on the adoption agency, some charge quite a fee to the parents for finding the adoptive child, handling the paperwork, meetings, details, etc. You may or may not be able to find out the exact amount charged to the adoptive couple, although I'm not sure why that would matter.....
You are strong enough. You obviously love the child, and it is the right decision if you cannot raise a child right now. There are so many people out there who cannot have children, that would give your child the best life....full of love and support.

mah

only you can answer these questions. If you are unable to care for a child, then by all means adopt it out. The sacrifice of giving the child a chance at life is noble.

Amber

I can only image what you are going threw right now, it is a very very hard choice to make. I have heard of open adoptions ( I believe that is what it is called) where they let the birth mother visit the child. I also have noticed that in my local paper in the classifieds there is a part about parents wanting to adopt.
I would suggest you visit an adoption agency see what they say. There are many people out there that can not have children and adoption is their only way to fill that empty hole in their hearts. That place only a child can fill.
Ultimately the choice is yours, it will be hard to give your baby away. But if you feel in your heart that you are doing the right thing for your child, it may help the hurt. God granted you with a gift, sharing that gift is up to you. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.

â™¥ 33 wks with baby boy â™¥

your child will not hate u ...u are doing what is best and im sure he or she will understand when they get older....im just glad u decided against abortion, with all the people out there who are dying to reaise a child...it is very smart and unselfishh of u,and they can send pics and sutff or have an open adoption where u can see the baby too

sizesmith

I know several adoptees I talked to afterwards, and a lot of what happens depends on both the adoptive and first parents.

Honesty about the adoption is essential. A woman cannot raise a child she didn't give birth to, without scarring it emotionally by telling it it's adopted years on. When a child is told that they were adopted, and so special it makes a big difference.

We have adopted a baby boy who is a year old now, and are hoping that his first mom establishes a relationship, however, she doesn't make any effort, though we invite her to dinner, and parties, both private and with others in attendance. Adoption can be better for the mom, in some cases, but always look to do what is best for the child.

If you desire an open adoption, or even if you don't think it's appropriate at this time, do get identifying information from the parents who adopt, so that way, you'll always have a way to learn about your child later on. Know that you have every right to meet them, see their home, know their identifying information, and everything. If they don't want to give it, then it's best that they don't adopt your child.

There are parents like us that actually do honor open adoption agreements, and despise those that don't. Also, you are in the drivers seat and have the right to make almost any reasonable demand. I'm being sarcastic here, but you can decide that you only want to place your child in a family that lives in a blue house, and believes in Santa Clause. Substitute the words blue house, and Santa Clause with your own wishes. You can ask that your child be an only child, or that he/she be placed into a family with another child already.

The fees through agencies are so high, like upwards of $20,000.00 for a child that has handicaps or is hard to place for a variety of reasons. We did our adoption for a lot less, which means more money for our child's eduction in the future, and his care. Our home study was completed, and our attorney's fees and everything were right around a thousand dollars, and soooo worth it. I don't believe in agencies, because they have tendencies to almost force women into placing their child. It's like they brainwash them. That's not good on anyone in the long run. Our adoption was after we were introduced by a mutual friend. We're trying to adopt again.

Good luck, and make the decision that is best for your situation. Only you have the needed information for what is best for your child. No one can force you to place, nor to keep the child. Also, realize that some people here who do place did so in ways that if they'd done contact information, they'd know where their child is now, and if they'd not listened to family members they'd know, or maybe they would have kept the baby. Also, realize that some people who answer here are actually people who have not only never placed a child for adoption, but are only 15 years old, and they don't have any clue how hard (although very rewarding when the time is right), it is to raise a child. One of the main rules of thumb is to remember, are you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially able to raise a child. Yes, if you aren't financially able right now, there are help programs, but so many women use those until they're exhausted, and then don't have any job skills to fall back on, and the kids end up in the foster care system, and that's hardest on everyone involved. Take care!

cmanderson_06

this is a tough question that maybe you should talk over with an adoption agency. they have very helpful people but I can say if you don't think you can give this child the life it deserves, then giving it up for adoption will be the greatest gift for it and if you can find a family willing to have an open adoption, you will be able to see your child and get updates from time to time.

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