IS it right?

jammer

I think that she IS his daughter and always will be in the biological sense that is and so to refer to her like that to other people is fine. HOWEVER, I dont think he should expect her to call him dad, and she shouldnt if she doesnt feel comfortable. Being a DAD and being a "natural father" are two totally different things! Her DAD is the man that raised her and that has been there for her, her whole life...and she shouldnt exclude him or put him on the back burner now because her "natural dad" is in the picture. I had a really good friend in a similar situation, she didnt meet her "real" dad until she was in her 20's and funny enough he and her mother got back together and got married.....HOWEVER her DAD that raised her, her entire life is still HER DAD....and although her mom and biological father are married now, he is still just her mothers husband. Does that make sense?

JennyLynn

Her birth father should respect her feelings and comfort zone. He should allow things to move at a pace that she feels comfortable with.

Torrejon

I called my bdad by his first name. I never even considered calling him anything else.

Daisey Duck

I can understand how he would feel, especially if he wasn't made aware of the adoption and didn't have the chance to be a father. However he must realize that her feelings about him may not be the same. He must respect her right to not call him dad as her dad is the man that raised her. I guess he should just be content for now that she chose to have contact with him and be glad that he can at least have some part in her life in the future. But he shouldn't just think that because he made her that there will automatically be a connection. Sometimes there is and other times there is no connection at all, and sometimes a friendship developes.. Even a friendship is a good place to start.. They both just need to talk to each other and establish some ground rules so to speak.

LaurieDB

This sort of thing is up to the individuals involved in each case. There is no universal "right" or "wrong" with respect to it. They should just talk about it and then both refer to each other as they feel comfortable. Getting these things out in the open can dissipate discomfort.

Tmarie99

If she's not comfortable with it she shouldn't do it. She should just tell him that she's not comfortable and doesn't know him well enough to call him dad.

My mom (an adoptee) called her bmom by her first name for a while, now she just calls her mom.

Your friend may come to call him dad in time, she may not, but she needs to do what is most comfortable for her.

As long as he is not pressuring your friend, I think it's fine that he calls her his daughter, it is only natural considering he didn't have a choice in raising her.

She definitely needs to be the one to set the boundaries -- what she is comfortable with and what she is not.

brandi from texas

What ever she wants to do. I call my birth mother by her first name because she is not my mom!

Robin

She should call him whatever she's comfortable with. And rather than guessing what he wants her to call him, she should just talk to him about it and let him know she's not comfortable. I'm sure he'll understand.

How should he refer to her? "This is the child of a woman I dated (or 'knocked up'), but she gave her up for adoption without my knowledge" seems kinda long. "This is my daughter", on the other hand, is at least biologically factual. And far less of a mouthful. Should he not acknowledge his relationship to her? How would she like him to introduce her?

I would have been hurt if my birth father didn't want to acknowledge me as his daughter. It would seem like a denial. Yet, when talking to him, I called him by his first name. But introduced him as my birth father.

My 1/2 sister's mom (married to my birth father) tells people I'm her step daughter, or, more recently, simply refers to me as her "other daughter". I find this very comforting. Makes me feel I'm a part of the family.

I have a step daughter. Her dad & I have been together since she was 15, so I didn't really have a hand in raising her. When she was in the hospital having her first child, she introduced her mom, then me as her "other mom" (to the doc). I felt so HONORED that she sees me in that light. I love her dearly and she's an important part of our family.

In America, many people call their in-laws "Mom" & "Dad". No one seems to have a problem with this tradition. I personally don't call my in-laws "Mom" & "Dad", in part because I knew them for many years before dating & marrying their son.

When I call my son in law, I just say, "Hi. It's mom."

In today's society, the reality is there are parents, step parents, 'parent in laws'. Only in adoption is what we call our biological parents made such a big deal out of. Specifically, that we don't call ANY ONE ELSE other than our adoptive parents 'mom & dad'.

And that's my two cents...for what it's worth. Good luck to your friend & to everyone in this situation.

mscrawdad

I think she just needs to give the relationship more time. She may find she wants to discontinue an relationship at all or she may find that the relationship becomes so comfortable she wants to call him Dad. These things take time. There are many step-children out there facing the same dilemma. Many never call the step-parent Mom or Dad depending on their situation and just as many do. Her father is trying to cram a lot of years of love lost into a few months. He'll settle down once he gets comfortable that she isn't just going to disappear again. I wish them both good luck and a long satisfying relationship.

Una

I think you should have a talk with you ndad and tell him your feelings. He should listen but he won't know what to think until you tell him how you feel. Communication is to love like water to a plant.

whatever!

I wasn't comfortable calling my bio-mom, i called her by her first name. He shouldn't force what he wants on her.but she can tell him that she prefers to call him by his first name. thats what i did with my bio-mom.

Lillie

I think it really just depends on each person's individual preference. If your friend wants to consider him her father and call him "dad", then that's her prerogative. If, however, she's not comfortable with it, she should talk with him about it and they should come to some sort of an agreement on what kind of "title" to give one another...or just go by names.

But each person is different; some adoptees feel that close parent-child bond and some don't. It's really up to the individual.

Debbie Downer

If her birth father wants her to call him dad and she's not comfortable with it, she should tell him she's not and explain why. Nobody should be forced into an uncomfortable situation.

btownznd

If he really put a full effort into keeping her to raise, then she wouldn't have been adopted.
Creating a child doesn't make you a parent

Adoption is A-OK!

i call my bparents by their first names -- they are not my mom and dad (they're already deceased). my bparents seem okay with that even though they call me their daughter (which i'm not really comfortable with).

parents are the ones who raised you.

lily

they are both her father

Nicole

She still has to respect her birth parents. Although if she is not comfortable with calling her birth father dad, then she can ease into this situation.

UNIQUE

You still have to respect your parents especially your birth parents no matter what no I'm not in a predicament like that but i know people that are going threw that and its wrong to dis Oby your parents if you or her does it and continues to do it you will be punished for it. trust in believe that.

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