If Adopters really cared about other people's kids, why wouldn't they be honest and I say that they are NOT?

cantstopLinnyG

Aaaaaaaand we're off. Yes indeedy, it's the weekend fun at Y!A. Generalizations, name calling and lots of posters who only pop in from time to time to stir the pot.

Good Gawd. Pick a side, sober.

Sorry, but this adoptling loves her adoptive parents. They are not my caregivers.

I dont want a make believe family, that is true, so I made sure to talk about my first family as much as I could. To deny I have another family is make-believe. I talk on the phone to them as much as I talk to my a family. They are as real as my adoptive family. In fact, we're all just one big family.

Now Im thirsty for a mojito.

Jennifer L

Hey. Another rant.

Two for two.

ETA: To the posters who don't frequent this section: There are a very few "regulars" on this forum that claim that the fact they were adopted makes it "okay" to attack, slander and insult adoptive parents.

They say they are simply in pain and if you don't roll over for it, you are trying to silence them.

I call it calculated and deliberate emotional blackmail. And I refuse to coddle people who try to emotionally blackmail others.

myst1998

Wow. And you accused me of being an adoption hater... this all seems hypocritical of you. I don't get your perspective? You love adoption or you hate adoption or do you yourself not even know the answer to this?

monkeykitty83

There is a biological and a social definition of parenting. They are different.

To call one or the other "make-believe" shows a shallow understanding of how society and culture work.

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

I will indeed tell the truth. I am starting to think that you have a problem and cannot have kids, therefore you strike out against those who do have them. I guess you should be good and mad at me...I am one of those truly horrible people who have adopted and biological children. Too bad you don't have a rock to throw at me!

ETA: I don't believe that you are an adoptee either...look around here...the adoptees that post here do NOT mock their adoptive parents. They are about reform, not dogging on others, and they sure as hell wouldn't treat either set of parents with such disrespect. Now you want to give adoptees a bad name...you are a winner (in your own mind)!

Myst brought up a fantastic point...you were mad at us last week for hating adoption...now you do too? Is it time to switch sides this week and I didn't get the memo? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!

Polly

Why does it have to be a competition?
Why can't both sets of parents be "real"?
Why can't both be seen as equal contributers to a child's life? Different contributers - yes - but still equal.
Why can't both sets of parents be known (whenever possible), valued, loved, accepted and respected by the family and society?

mom to be

I am an adoptee and in process of adopting. So I can tell myself how to feel. I feel the people who cared for me everyday are my parents. My biological parents are the ones that gave me birth. My adoptive parents gave me a great life. Both things are very important and you can not state that one was more important. I call my adoptive parents "My parents" they are the ones who were with me everyday and guiding me down the right path. Caregivers to me are daycare workers and babysitters.

Bag

In my mind the ones raising the child and doing all the hard work would be the parents.

bananarama

Hey I love my "make belive family" its the only family i have!!! I knew I was adopted and bio family skipped out on me, they wanted me to have what they couldn't offer. THANK GOD there was the family who didnt mind being my "make belive family" and who offered me the world!! I thank god every day I was so lucky to get a family who saved me from being a foster child my whole life!

Rowan

Because my "adopters" as you put it, are my parents. They are not merely my caregivers.

My aparents gave me love, and a family. It was in no way make believe at anytime.

My adoptive parents never claimed they gave birth to me. They were honest from the get go.

Cam

My family may seem make believe to you but certainly not to my daughter.

"a step above a baby sitter" LOL

Randy B

Yer entitled to your opinion. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it (which I don't).

My family and my children's place in it is anything but make-believe. My own place in my own family was anything but make-believe. And I'm both an adoptee and an adoptive parent with adopted children. I can't speak for others but that is my truth at least and guess what...I'm entitled to it.

Opedial

Well if I am a glorified babysitter I am a damned good one!

Better things to do with your time???

Kazi

Well I guess it could be worse. You could have called us slave traders. Oops I think I may have just given you ideas.

sunny

Friend of Bill?

Love the name!

cla ro

what is your problem?

seriously?

were you not loved enough as a child?

i know people who were adopted and love thier adopted parents. it doesn't matter to them who their bio parents are because as far as they are concerned their adopted parents are thier 'real' parents.

noone is telling you how to feel. to be hoenst i don't care how you feel. what is bettter, loving a child and giving them a home and love, or lettin gthem rot in some orphanage or foster home?

you are full of hatred. and your feelings do not reflect the feelings of the majority. what ever your problem is you appear to have a lot of problems and are slightly dellusional.

perhaps you should see some sort of therapist?

Crucio

This is so ignorant I am adopted my parents are my parents. They are my family and not a make believe family. People can have more then one parent to say they can only have two and it must be the biological parents is crazy. There are people who have step-parents people whose parent died and their living parent remarried, people who have been reunited with natural families. Frankly I only consider myself to have two parents and they are the ones that raised me. My bio parents simple provide genetic material. However I do know other people consider themselves to have multiple parentâ€™s even posters on here some who are adopted.

I do feel for you as you clearly have issues of some kind. If you want to believe that children only parents have to be biological parents that is your opinion. However very few are likely to agree with you. I also donâ€™t think your adopted if you are you I can only guess that you ended up in a bad family.

Mei-Ling

My adoptive family AND Taiwanese aren't "make-believe."

Mom & Dad raised me - they are my parents.

So are Mama & Baba. They didn't PARENT me, but are my original PARENTS.

JoHn S.

Um, don't caregivers and babysitters get paid? Hmmm...didn't realize that all this time I could've been making money....

AdoreHim

Ask my children, and they will tell me that I am their mother. Granted their birth moms are their birth moms. I am not just a caregiver, I am their parents. I am adopted as well, and I can tell you that my adopted parents were my parents. YES WE ARE THE PARENTS. If you adopted children you would understand that. You can even ask the birth mom of my son, and she will tell you that we are the parents. She told us that just recently again, when our son met her.

Santa's Lil' Helper

I had a make believe mommy and daddy when my parents spent the weekends getting doped up. The whole thing gig was shattered when they come home and beat the crap out of me for existing.

âœ§ â“â“˜â“›â“¨ â™¥ kaelers, emy & bella

Is it a full moon or something?
Seriously - even for a weekend, the anger troll numbers are unusually high on YA Adoptions =]

Back to your bridge, troll.

armadura(conservative asskicker)

giving birth does not make you a parent raising and loving that child makes you a parent my son is adopted and he knows he is he can never see his bio parents again because they are both dead and one more thing he never loved his parents all they cared about was getting high on meth all of the time i would know i have arrested his bio father three times before he took his own life.

Kate

The people who raised me are my family, my family consist of many different people.

My biological family, they are my family but my biological parents are not my parents as they would have to earn that right. They were the ones that signed over those rights. If they respected me, were nice to my family, we could be friends first, then build a possible family like relationship. However, they do not get that title otherwise. They are not my parents.

icehockeymom7

Wow, if I am just a babysitter, someone owes me ALOT of money for all the hours I have put in. I am actually surprised that people are even getting angry with you. It's just way too obvious.

LaraSue

Feel better after your little rant?

Kate

As an adopter, and someone who cares greatly for the children that associate with my own, I can say that I don't tell people that I am just their caregiver because that is not all I am. All of my children, adopted and biological, mean so much to me, and I am their mother, and my partner, Mike, is their father. When we made the decision to adopt my daughter, and two sons, we also made the promise to love them as if they were our biological children, and to not treat them differently because their skin was a different color or they had different color eyes than their siblings. Being a mother or a father is not a right that is just handed to you...it is a privilege that is earned.

Alyna W Striker

Are you adopted or just some idiot who dosen't know what they're talking about. Seriously, I'm ACHING to report your questions so I'd shut up and be more considerate in the future.

yeahright

Whatever you are having I will have if it's legal.

Gaia Raain II

Some people actually DO call themselves "caregivers" or something along those lines. I recall having a conversation with an adoptive parent about a blog a woman had written to after adopting two children. She realized too late what she had done, and is trying to save up the money to move to her childrens' home country so that they can be raised in their own culture. She does not allow her children to call her "Mom", or her husband "Dad". Unfortunately, this has left her children confused. They don't understand why everyone else in the neighborhood has a "mom" and "dad", but they aren't allowed to call their parents by those names. Even when adoption is unethical (as it was in this case, unknown to the adoptive parents until too late), that still leaves the children in a bad position. I think it should be their choice. Unfortunately, most people who do follow through with unethical adoptions will never even realize it, and if they do, they will spend their energy attempting to justify it rather than making it right. I commend these parents for trying to make it right...they are caught in a very tough spot.

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