If I dislike my adoption, does that mean my life is ruined?

Mei-Ling

[Don't you like your current parents, haven't they loved and cared for you?]

Is that supposed to be a guilt-trip? O.o

Funny how NO ONE (usually adoptive parents, but the occasional adoptee) wants to admit that damn, first parents are capable of LOVING and CARING too!

I mean, really. Adoption, by default, obviously proves that first mothers wouldn't have been capable of loving or caring about their children because they relinquished!

Okay, snark hat off.

Yeah, adoptive parents love and care about their children - because that's what they signed up for. And the ones that don't? Should have never adopted in the first place.

It's like saying, "Despite the fact that *I* wanted you, *you* should be grateful that I even took the time to feed and clothe you."

Come on. If (generic) you planned on putting this lifetime debt upon our heads... then why the bloody heck did you adopt?

a healing adoptee

Adoption is what happened to me, it does not define who I am. Likewise you feel the same way. I have never understood why people think adoption should define me as a person.

Anyway, I hate clowns, mayo and my food touching on my plate. I really don't think that my life is ruined by how i feel. The only way it could be ruined is if I stop eating and refuse to take my nephew and niece to the circus because i hate clowns!

There are many people who are not adopted who have ruined their lives. So, i can't agree with those who say that those who hate adoption, live ruined lives.

tish

wow phil... the hate

although i'm not an adoptee, i have a ton of respect and love for the community, since they embraced me when i went through my issues with adoption.

i believe that people have ruined lives for many reasons. and being adopted might or might not be at the core. i know many people who disliked being adopted, yet are overall happy with their lives.

so...sure you can be happy (as i'm sure you are) AND care for you aparents, without jumping for joy over your adoption.

celtic.piskie

I have a very fulfiled life. I have a wonderful husband, child, sister, cousins, Many friends and a good career.

I hate the fact that my parents were killed.
I hate the fact that adopted children are brought and sold.
I hate the fact that many of us cannot ever know the names of the women that gave birth to us, of the names of the men who father us.

I hate adoption.
I hate the fact it is a business, where children are valued and sold for according to their colour, age, gender and eye colour like pieces of merchandise.

I hate the fact that no-one thinks about the child, and that we are returnable.

I love my life, my family, I hate my a-parents for kiking me out at age 17, and for not being as pretty,or as good as their 'real' daughter.

One thing in my life does not define my life. It is a part of me, not me.

Peaness

I feel ya Phil. Ultimately, we do decide where we go with our lives. One can dislike adoption for what it really is and still like their own AP's and guess what go on to have very successful lives.

Hey, I have a great job, husband and child. I don't hate my AP's either. I do hate the fact that I've lost a piece of me which I am trying to find. I hate the fact that I've lost the natural ability to be in touch my own culture. I hate the fact that I don't have that natural bond with my AP's like I have with my own bio child...I feel like I missed out on that when I see how much closer my friends are to their biofamily. I hate the fact that I was literally abandoned. Do I regret being adopted, no...I don't regret anything in life or I wouldn't be the person I am today.

But I feel remorse for individuals who didn't have a 'happy' adoption story, I dislike the fact that so many individuals don't have access to their own records. I hate the fact that children are stolen and taken away from their biofamilies because of the demand and stupid laws in certain countries. I hate that 'adoption' is the term or idea to hide behind these so-called 'illegal' activities.

AmberWh

I can understand where you are comming from to an extent. I was adopted by my "step father" My last name got changed and i was then Legally his kid. But i also knew who my father was, my real one. Why didn't he want to see me for 17 years, why wasn't he there, and all just because him and my mother didn't get along???!!!!! WHAT THE FK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME???? Then to top it all off my mother and step father got divorced, and then he didn't want nothing to do with me, talk about opening the same wound all over again.

Here is my answer, You don't have to be "Happy" that you were put up for adoption or that you have a good life now because of those people who took you into their home and took care of you like their own child. You love these people and they love you! You can be appreciative of the life you have with them, but you will always wonder where, who, what, why and everything else about your real parents. You don't have to be happy about that at all!

Furthermore, I have an aunt who was MADE to give up her child that she was pregnant with when she was 16. Her parents sent her away like she was some disease or stigma. She has some major problems because of it and her one wish in life is to find her son. I know this prob doesn't help you, but just keep it in the back of your head that your adoption may have been a case like this.

Cam

Most of us have events that happened in our life that we don't like but still go on to lead perfectly happy, fulfilled, and successful lives.

So no, your life isn't ruined.

Mom to Foster Children

Hi PhilM

I think to have a fulfilled life, means you need to be happy with the life you have. Maybe not the one that you should have had or the life that you may want (better house / job..etc) but the life that you have and what you make of it!

Just a Mom

I grasp what you are saying, Phil, but at the same time, I fear my children hating that they were adopted. I know that it's not a reflection on me, but I still want them to feel peace with being adopted. That might be a pipe dream, though.

Rivkah â™¥ ×¢× ×™×©×¨××œ ×—×™

Maybe it's because you finish your posts with "living life as an adoptee one day at a time."

Maybe you're not aware, but "one day at a time" is the slogan for alcoholics, drug addicts, and abuse victims.

wendy_da_goodlil_witch

no one has to be happy with their background whether they were adopted or born into their family to have a happy successful fulfilled life. life is what you make of it. using adoption as an excuse doesn't make sense.

I HEART Cornwell

Yes. You would think that after reading in here that some adoptees would have rather been aborted... H-E-L-L-Oooooo! Do you not see those answers?

Sophie

HECK NO! But, in my opinion, I think that if there is a problem in your life that is causing you emotional distress to the point that is inhibiting your life in a major negative way, you should get some help with that.

I'm sure that there are many adoptees that are very unhappy with the fact that they were adopted. If that adoptee is mad at the situation and still living life to it's fullest, that is great. But if an adoptee (or anyone else) becomes a bitter shut-in and a danger to themselves or others, they need help.

You do not have to be a happy adoptee to have a fullfilled life.

Tara J â„¢

you seem like a nice guy n all but i think you're too depressing. You're the type that like to wallow in your sorrow...
its kinda pathetic

bubba

I"M NOT FU#!*ING UNHAPPY!!!!! uh ok we believe u

Joni N

I think adoption has had too many horror stories. I completely support adoption and I believe you can be a happy and fulfilled adult coming from "adopted" parents. Almost any low life loser can produce a child- it takes a special person to raise, love, and nurture a child! Good for you and I would ignore most of the comments about adoption- a lot of people are ignorant to the benefits of being adopted!

KandyKat

I don't understand what you mean by hating your adoption? Were you adopted and you hate it? or you don't like the child you adopted?

Dave55

I don't really understand what you hate? You had no choice in being adopted. That was between your birth mother, the state agency that supervised it, and your current parents.

Don't you like your current parents, haven't they loved and cared for you?
You seem to be well-educated, and well-off enough to have computer access, isn't that a blessing?

And, why would your life be ruined, just because you were adopted? (or you do not "love" that). If your wife, friends or family already like you, then adoption is something that is pointless, in reference to your future

Get over it.

Plenty of people have ruined lives who were not adopted.
It's always your life, you get to choose whether you want to feel victimized or not.
Have a happy life, your choice.

Walker W

YES!

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