If a couple makes a pre-birth adoption & child is born w/ special needs are aparents still obligated to adopt?

tish

i'm not sure it's a universal policy; yet i have read some adoption agency websites that indicate this behavior as one reason for a "failed placement."

morally, i am on the fence with this behavior. i mean, so many aparents purport to be that SAME as bio-parents; yet, when a bio parent discovers a child has special needs after birth, most accept this and love the child, as is. not simply say, "umm, this is NOT what we wanted", and leave the kid at the hospital.

also, when a n-mom changes her mind before or after birth many aren't too understanding of this behavior; yet, i find it interesting when an aparent decides not to adopt due to disability, this behavior is supported and understood.

i think it brings up an interesting ethical dilemna in adoption.

spydermomma

I'm pretty sure they aren't legally obligated. But I think ethically and morally they should be. I agree with the other answerer that it should be the same as if you gave birth to your own child with special needs--you wouldn't just abandon them. And if the potential a-parents don't go through with the adoption, the agency should look really hard at them to decide if they should be allowed to adopt at all.

On the other hand, the mother might feel a special draw to take care of the baby, because it has been "rejected" and also maybe even because of the special need--because the baby needs her. And this would be a great outcome (assuming she is supported, etc.).

Santa's Lil' Helper

One wouldn't just "forget" about their biological child...why should this be any different. My dd was tested for spina bifida when she was born. This made no difference to us because we had already committed to be her parents.

***I am not saying this doesn't happen.....but I think it callous and insensitive.

LaurieDB

No, they are under no legal obligation to go through with an adoption if they decide they do not want to do so. Even after an adoption is finalized, AP's can have it legally nullified. This is usually referred to as a "disrupted" adoption.

Freckle Face

No, they are not obligated to adopt the baby
Morally, yes the pap's should adopt the baby.

BPD Wife

A pre-birth adoption arrangement is no more legally binding for adoptive parents than it is for biological parents. Either set can back out at any time.

While I do understand how it could be considered morally insensitive to back out of an adoption because a child has special needs, I also know that not everyone can handle parenting a special needs child. For us, it was a terrifying decision to make, but one that we are glad we chose when we chose to adopt our son.

I personally would not be able to back out of an adoption because I feel the same way as others do - if I was blessed to have a biological child, there are no guarantees that he/she would not have special needs. That is basically what allowed us to consider adopting our son when we learned of him and his medical disorder.

Andraya

They should be. I don't recall many of the people I know being able to back out of parenting a bio child due to the kid having a disability.

Erin L

Legally, the adoption hasn't taken place so, legally, the prospective adoptive parents aren't obligated to adopt the child. But, ethically, I think it would be pretty crappy for the adoptive parents to back out unless there was truly something legitimate that would prevent them from being able to meet the child's needs.

My daughter was born with a cl/cp, but it wasn't pre-birth matching, - it was international and we were offered a special needs child when we were expecting a "healthy child". And you are absolutely right about the long road that particular special need is. I think just like a biological parent, when your child turns out to have special needs, you just adjust your expectations, the picture of the perfect child that every parent has in their head while waiting and imagining. I really didn't find it that hard to do with my daughter, and I didn't go into it blind, either. We did research to make sure we could meet her needs before accepting. But, really you just do what you need to do for your child just like any parent does with any child and it is just the way it is, and actually parenting is not nearly as scary as when making the decision and thinking about all the unkowns.

You are talking about pre-birth matching, so it's not like there are issues of needs being hidden and the adoptive parents being handicapped in being able to meet them, so I think the adoptive parents should accept their child's needs just as any parent. I know from experience that it can be overwhelming to be suddenly faced with it all in front of you, but when it comes down to it, the thing about parenting a special needs child is that almost all parents find it a lot more llke parenting a child without special needs than they invisioned. Your child is your child.

opedial

Very very interesting question. I would say that yes they should still adopt the child. I guess though that as is said often the child is not theirs until the child is legally free, so birth parents can change their mind...but how awful to be an Aparent and change your mind for this reason.

Good question though, so I guess my answer is that there is no legal obligation but a moral one. It is the same as open agreements, there are no legal obligations but moral and ethical ones to abide by them.

luv4quiltin

How sad that this question would even arise :-( My son was born exposed to meth and it didn't matter for a second...I looked at him that 2nd day at the hospital and fell in love....Who knew what the road would be like ahead....he's now almost 3 and life is wonderful..he's completely on target for where he should be...what a gift!!

mom of many

no such thing as pre-birth adoption. You can make agreements to adopt but neither party (bio or adoptive )families are obligated by law

koilop2001

i do a lot of adoption research and in everything i've read and looked at majority of the time it says if you make arrangements to adopt but then the you feel like you can't handle the child's situation when it is born you are not obligated to go through with it because they would rather have someone willing to adopt the kid the way it is not out of pity or something.

cagney

morally i would hope so. legally no. until the adoption is finalized legally either party may change their mind. hubby and i both agreed before even starting the adoption process that if a special needs child ended up in our arms than that was how it was supposed to be. the same it would have been if the child was our biological child. you take life as it comes to you.

also it was my understanding once you petitioned the court and you were approved to legally become the child's parents you could not reverse that. that child is entitled to all legalities the same as a biological child. the only way to reverse an adoption would be to place the child for adoption again. so i'm confused on how you can reverse an adoption after it has been legally finalized. but i also live in an open state (and i'm glad we do) so maybe the laws are different here?

Crucio

Morally this would be very wrong but Iâ€™m sure there will be some PAP who would, after all they wanted a perfectly health child. Had they wanted a baby or child that had serious health issues or disability well they could have just adopted one with out going through the prebirth match.

There might be some PAP who just couldnâ€™t handle caring for a specific special needs child. There are biological parents who canâ€™t handle this as well. This is why you see a ton of these kids in foster care.

Mtnfireprincess

Err... Yes? If they sign a contract it's legally binding. And a cleft palette is exactly special needs. Sure it's lots of surgery but it's nothing like what people consider special needs.

hsmommy06

No you can back out if at birth there is problems with the baby.

AdoreHim

So you are saying it may be ok, if a biological child winds up with a special need, you would want to "send' him/her away. Children are not a marketing product- where it says MONEY BACK GUARANTEE.

anglondon

People with cleft palates arent special needs.

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