If a first mom wants child back after the revocation period is up and papers have been signed...?

PhilM

There is no easy answer to this question. Assuming we're talking about what the "right" thing to do is (rather than what the law requires), I cannot imagine that anyone could think this was an easy question.

Stability is important for a child. Being with the first mother is important for the child. Being with the child is important for the first mother. And not living in a perpetual state of temporariness is important for the adoptive parents.

But let's say the last two points cancel out. The first two points create a conflict in trying to figure out what's best for the child in this case. That's what's important... What's best for the child?

At this point, I might try to slowly transition the child back to the first mother. Perhaps find a way to have the adoptive parents and the first mother involved in the child's life.

It's a mess. And that's what we have when we institute such an odd social practice.

sparky

RETURN THE CHILD what are you crazy no way talk about open adoption with limits.. The baby is not a jacket you bought at the store.. wow

toocoolringlady

No I wouldn't return a child that was legally given to me. But I would let the birthmother have supervised visits.

Gershom

How long have the adoptive parents had the child. If its within a reasonable amount of time I'd give the child back. Assuming the mother isn't an abuser and drug addict, shes the best one to be raising the child.

Parents are caregivers, thats what we do and our job is to put the children first before our wants and wishes. Going into an adoption, adoptive parents know that. Some states only have a 24 hour revoke time limit. Thats far too little.

If its been a small amount of time, you should give the child back.

La Vie Boheme

No..I would not "return" the child..I would however consider allowing the birth mother to be a part of our lives.

Erin L

I think it would depend on how long it has been. If it was a state in which the mother was able and did sign the papers in 3 weeks, and then at 5 weeks wanted the baby back, I think I probably would have to. 3 weeks is not enough time for that decision to have to be final, and being with the biological mother would still definitely be best for the child at that point. If it had been 6 months or a year, or longer, I don't think I could do it.

opedial

If I legally aodpted a child, and the parent changed her mind after everything had gone through, I don't think I could do it. If I am that child's parent I don't think I could give him/her up.....I suppose it depends how long...if it is three weeks then maybe I could, but if over a year had gone by, then I have the say the child is legally a member of our familhy, and that I dont think it would be best for said child. Waht would be good is to incorporate the mother into the child's life.

If the adoption was illegal or unethical I suppose we are dealing with differnt issue but I would not put myself in that postiion.

TotalRecipeHound

Depends on the situation involved. If there was reason to believe that the mom was coerced (as in the case in S. Carolina), then yes. If she made no attempt to get the child back all those 18 months, then no.

Realize that in most cases, the mom had been seeking to get the child back even before the revocation period is over, but likely has been given misinformation or been victimized by continual legal delays. A 30 day revocation time is pathetic. You have more leeway to change your mind on a lawnmower! All states should have a 6 month revocation and they should be told they don't need a lawyer to do it!

As Sam above said, most adoptive couples will not do the right thing. I know 3 fathers who got the adoption of their children revoked. In all three cases, the a-parents refused to back down even though they KNEW fraud was involved. Their thoughts were for themselves, not in the best interests of the child, for sure.

dana

Adoption is a tricky procedure. When a women has a child it changes her. It's a great option. And makes many people for whatever reason can't have a child themselves parents. But in my opinion, if a women doesn't find it in herself to speak up before that period ends you can't tear that child away from the family it has now entered. Perhaps offer her an active role. Send her pictures and updates. Let her visit with the child without disturbing his/her life too greatly.

Appleblossom

If a mother signs adoptive papers then after the fact feels bad and wants her baby back In my honest opinion she is SOL. One a child even a baby needs a healthy stable home and not all the no I don't want it wait yes I do.....and second it is unfair to the adoptive parents who are probably adopting because they can't have their own. If you really wanted that baby you wouldn't have signed the papers in the first place. I personally wouldn't give my baby up for adoption and I wouldn't give a child back if I adopted one. It's unfair to everyone that's involved.

IsaKeller

The reality is these people who have adopted the baby will always been seen as caregivers because they didn't give birth to this baby (In mean this in the legal sense, I happen to think adoptive parents are sometimes MORE mother and father than the parents who gave birth). Depending on how long the adoptive parents have had this child is the issue for me. If the baby within it's first year of life it should stay with the adoptive parents. If we're talking 1 week to 3 months or so, the baby if wanted by the birth mother, should be returned her child. That's just my opinion.

Jennifer L

So it's been nearly a year and a half? No. I would try to be gentle and supportive about it, but the child has had plenty of time to bond with his/her adoptive parents and taking the child away would not be in the best interests.

The revocation period is for the birthmother to have some time to reconsider. After that point, the child needs the stability of a family that will be there today, next week, next year, thirty years from now, etc.

Torrejon

Erin L makes an important point. How long has it been?

As usual, I am amazed at the sense of ownership that ap's have and claim. Once the adoption is final: the adoption might be final for you, but the child will always be adopted. Have you thought what you are going to tell the CHILD some day when he/she finds out? If this was MY adoption, if I found out the my ap's refused to return me to my bparents when they asked for my return....I'm not sure I could trust them ever again.

GEE-GEE

Nope. I would not return the child. Talk about upsetting the childs life. What took this person so long to change their mind? And what happens if she did get the baby back and changed her mind again? Then who would take care the child?

This human being is not a possession. You can't decide you don't want it, then give it away, and over 1 1/2 years later ask for it back. Life does not work that way.

She is out of luck.

sam22254

Do you really think any adopted couple would give back the child, Get real. My son has been asking the same thing since the couple who has my grandson took him out of the hospital without his consent. Most couples don't care how they get a child just getting one. It's rare when you see a adopted couple do the right thing. And in my son's case that's all thses people are is caregivers because they can't adopted my grandson for my son didn't lose his rights to his child. The whole group from the adoption agency, birth mother (who hid her pregancy) to the social worker (who did'nt do his job right) to the couple ( who knew at the hospital that the father was begging everyone not to take his child) should feel like dirt for what they have done

Crucio

No I would not if the reclaim period had ended. I would feel sorry for the birthmothers pain but it would not be my fault that she waited till after her reclaim period had expired. That would be her own fault for not stepping up and declaring she wanted the baby back before the reclaim period ended. Even more if it was one of those reclaim periods where she would have had between 4 to 6months. It would be like saying a birthmother changed her mind 2 years after she placed her baby for adoption and now wanted the child back. I am sorry but that is not how adoption works. Birthparents get a reclaim period once their window has closed it has closed. As tough as it might be they will just need to learn to go on with their life. Though I believe biological parents should be able to parent if they want too. A person cant really decided when they are going to parent. By that I mean that you parent now or you donâ€™t. Donâ€™t get to decided 8month, 18 months later (or whatever) that you now want to parent after the child has been legally adopted. A child needs stability and security not a wishy washy parent of any kind.

maggie mae

i wouldn,t return the child after loving and taking care of it for a period of time.the mother had time to think carefully about this,

Amie M

Ok first of all, you dont RETURN a child. This is a human. Not a shirt, or a pair of shoes that you say oh well dont wan this today so lets return it. Not, I wouldnt have given my daughter back to her birth mom if she thought oh its been a year lets get my child back bc now she is older and I can take care of her. When an aoption is open the the AP needs to keep their promise to keep it open. Its sad that some dont.

And for the ones to say on here that we are caregivers bc we havent given bith to our children, well, let me tell you this, our daughter was born premautre, and the bith mom was alowed to see the baby in the NICU and all that, but when she came home, the birth mom was GONE!!!!!!! She is my neice. SHe lives next door. WE have been the ones for our daughter. We are the ones who there when she sick and when she had to stay five days in the hospital. So, dont sit there and say all I am to her is a damn caregiver!!!! Adoptive parents are more then caregivers.

WE ARE THERE PARENTS!! EACH AND EVERYONE OF US ARE SO THANKFUL FOR THE BIRTH MOM THAT HAS GIVEN US A CHANCE TO BE A MOM!!!!

akbutner2

No i wouldn't return the child. If it was an open adoption than she is lucky she may have the opportunity to know about her child through the years. If not, than she should probably try the best she can to move on. This isn't something you can just decide later it wasn't a good idea. This is about the child and the child has a right to stability.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

well, i would never adopt. but to answer your question, i wiuld return the child in a heartbeat.

I don't think i would. Well unless it was like a few days later or even a week or two but anylonger that child is bonded and so are we.

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