If genetics are everything and guarantee who a child will be....?

Serenity71

I think Mei-ling nailed it...great answer.

Genetics to exist and give us a foundation, Nurture to thrive and full fill what nature has provided for us. (Without any nurturing we die soon after birth.)

Alright I have time now, I'll elaborate why I agree. My family never focused on talents within our family. No ever really said. "Your like your dad, you're very creative." I figured it out one day when I realized we both liked to build things. Mine work involved art rather than mechanical. I know my children have the potential to be artists or mechanical minded because of the talents I know their birth family has.

HOWEVER, there could also be other talents their biological parents are unaware of because of family might not know great great uncle Joe was a......say an engineer. So it could surface in future generations but be ignored if the family career orientation isn't in that direction. (I just want my kids to pursue their own talents and interests, even if they are nothing like mine. My husband feels the same, after his talents were ignored in his family.)

I know my husband despite growing up with his biological family was different in his abilities and interests from the rest of his family. (They are practical farmers, he's in IT and fantastic with computers. A thinker and problem solver. Nothing like the rest of them.) Those talents were never nurtured by them, but encouraged by his girlfriend. (me) That's why he married me! :)

So I'd say genetics are personality, how you look and you're general make up. Nurture is the love and encouragement, and acceptance you have in your life. Both play a big part in who you are and what you become.

We all need nurturing, after the NAZIS tried to say it wasn't important and found in an experiment that the babies didn't thrive without it. The children become more...well, (not going there, I'm not a fan of what the NAZIS did to innocent people during those experiments.) That crowd was big on biology being the only thing you need to turn out perfect. Don't believe me, look up a history book on it.

I hope some of that makes sense!

Sly

Because your genetic line doesn't begin and end with you. There are people all the way back to Adam and Eve that are genetically linked to you, and whose behaviors and mannerisms you show. There is more to the genetic connection than the mother and father. They are connected to their genetic past, too.

It is never as simple as one or the other. Of course nurture plays a role, but so does nature. A person's IQ, Drive, basic personality, tendency toward depression or other disorders, determination and other things can all be attributed to their genetics. The role of nurture is also evident.

The one time my son and I were together I noted him sitting across the room from me doing a unique mannerism with his fingers that I do, and I have never seen anyone else do. And, still, when he calls I cannot tell if it is my brother, my other son or the one I lost to adoption until I speak to them for a while.

Interestingly, my lost son and I are Democrats as is my raised daughter. My other 2 children, both sons, are staunch Republicans. He and I are more alike ideologically than any of my other children. My parents were Republicans.

ETA: Wanted to add that my lost son is not like either his father or I, personality wise. However, he is a dead ringer for my father's brother and his second son, my first cousin. They have almost identical personalities. They have never met, and in fact, don't even know of each other.

kitta

Some adopted people are not-nurtured.My lost son was severely abused by alcoholics who were uneducated. .If intelligence were a matter of "nurture," then my son wouldn't have done very well, since the adoptive family didn't nurture him. They injured him.

My family is highly educated, and we wished to help him .

When we found my son, he had not been educated, but he had the ability, the aptitude, and the motivation.

My husband and I assisted him and he completed a 4 year degree. He achieved a successful career....in the same field as his natural father, whom he had never met.

Philippa

I can see genetics and nurture in my son. It is blatently obvious in looks that he is my son plus we share so many likes and dislike that it is as if I raised him. However due to the way he was raised he shares many interests/views with his adoptive parents (many are similar to mine).

cantstopLinnyG

Of course, nurture comes into play. As humans, we pick our friends for their likeness and the similarities we share. We even "pick up habits' of theirs. Put an American born child who was raised in the states for the first 4 years of his or her life, move them to London, England, and they will quickly pick up a British accent from their school chums.

But sometimes, habits and "likes" are not as easy to pick up on. For instance, if a child is a musical genius, and his ap's are more into math and science. Those are left brain vs right brain characteristics, and are genetic traits, too. Logic, emotions, problem solving, relationship patterns are VERY different in left brained vs right brained people. The child will be stifled. His brain is not wired like his a p's. The child always feels out of place. I know. That child was me.

Your aunts, cousins, parents, have all had different experiences than you. Yes you share some of their DNA, but there is no stronger DNA than the DNA between natural mother and child.

Also, do not discount the fact that adopted children are extremely good at mimicking. Many of us so desperately want to fit in with our families, we become quite the actors. We quickly figure out the likes and dislikes of the people in our families, and adapt to them, then act like them. It's almost a defense mechanism.."Can't act too differently...what if they leave because Im not like them?"

Many parents who do not have adopted children do not always notice the similarities with their children & themselves, because they've never HAD to. Its a given, and sometimes just taken for granted.

Minnimouse

When I first met my biological aunt, I looked at her and I felt like I was looking in a mirror. All the similarities popped out at me. I had never experienced that before. It was very weird and mind blowing. But as I got to know her more and got used to seeing her I saw her differences and saw her as a unique person.

I think when you are biologically related you are with the person for so long and take them for granted that you don't notice the very subtle similarities that you have. Genetics also often skip generations, even several at a time, so people may not look like or act like their parents but be very similar to their grandparents or aunts or cousins. My personality is very like my biological grandfathers in fact almost identical and my looks come from my mother's generation (I've only met my aunts).

MamaKate

Dear Snickette,

I don't think any of the regulars here believe that genetics are everything. I think most of us realize that it is a combination of genes and life experiences that make us who we are.

As Sly pointed out, genetics are more than just immediate biological family - they are inherited and passed through generations.

"Nurture" too, is not limited to only immediate family either. People gain life experiences from everywhere. Your teachers, your friends, your neighbors, etc. all help shape who we are.

An analogy:
Genetics provide us with the stone and shape of who we are and our experiences throughout life provide the sculpting and details of the final work of art. (Similar to the Taoist idea of the "uncarved block".)

We are made up of our "genetic predispositions" AND our "life experiences". We would only be a part of who we are without one or the other.

Carol c

I didn't hear anyone say genetics are everything. But neither is nurturing - we are all a combination of both.

I also agree with Sly that an adopted person can take after a biological family member other than their first mother and father. My son has exactly my mother's poor coping skills and narcisstic personality. It's helped him to see how uncomfortable she makes people feel and I notice he shows less and less of those tendencies.

Mei-Ling

I firmly believe it's a combination of both nature and nurture - you can't discredit one, because you wouldn't be "you" with *just* one OR the other.

The thing with genetics, though, is that without biology, we wouldn't exist. We wouldn't be able to procreate, and we wouldn't have the human race.

It does factor in on some basic survival instinct to keep the human race, but as for what's more important in growth & development, I'd say it's both nature and nurture.

Laurel J

Genetics aren't everything, but they are half (or more) of what makes us who we are.

Also, we don't inherit just the surface or "obvious stuff" (things that remind people of our relatives) from our parents, but also the hidden or recessive stuff. And we don't get the same stuff from our parents that a sib might get--I mean, just because my genetics are 50% mother and 50% father doesn't mean I got the same 50% from each source as my (hypothetical) sister did. So we could be very different.

Science does seem to be coming down on the side of nature's being more important than nurture. Both are important, but nature tips the scales. That's why, although I also finish my a'mom's sentences, we have wildly divergent senses of humor and ways of thinking. But I look a bit like her because of nurture--she's the one who taught me facial expressions.

gypsywinter

Genetics is an absolute in the human species, whether we want those 'genetics' or not...they are there passed down from generation to generation. Nurture is not an 'absolute' nor is guaranteed by any parent, adoptive or otherwise. Just because one is adopting, has adopted or is adopted, is not the tell-all that positive nurturing happened or will happen. I believe in adoption along with 'nurturing' there also can come 'stifling'. One cannot make-disappear their DNA/Genetics..they are simply there. But predispositions to athleticism, musical/arts talent, even choice of interest in career can be rail-roaded. This can occur in biological families as well thru the 'nuture/stifle' path. It has only been since reunion with my daughter that my belief in 'genetics' has been made ever stronger. Not some wishful thinking...but actually meeting my child I gave birth to and did not raise..who is more like me than the daughter I did raise! My reunited daughter once remarked (after spending 2 weeks with her sister and I)...that she had believed for a very long time that how similar her sister and I would be, since I raised her sister and not her. But after 2 weeks with us, she said she was somewhat astounded by the 'differences' between her sister and I, and how much more similar she (reunited daughter) and I were. Even my raised daughter voiced how surprised she was at the very noticable similarities (physical and emotional traits) her sister and mother shared. My raised daughter I believe possesses more of her father's and father's family genes and traits...especially her paternal grandmother. Overall in my family, to include my sibs and their children...I would say at least 50% of them, overwhelmingly possess traits from our mother's family line...really strong genes(to include choice of careers)! We only knew our mother and had no contact with her family over the many years. In adulthood I have made some very interesting discoveries about our maternal 'ancestors' and familial heritage...how very similar we are!

My sibs share the same mother (as do I) and their same biological father (I do not). I on the other hand have a huge question ? as to the other 1/2 of my DNA, that being my biological father. That ? mark is also there for my children and grandchildren as well. But we live with it and carry on with life. But sure would be nice to know.

kateiskate

While nature isn't everything, nurture is sometimes made by adoptive parents and the adoption industry to seem like it can overcome everything. While nurture does play a big part into who you become, nature is going to determine a large part of that even before you're born. I really have a problem when people make it seem as if nurture can overcome nature.

Isabel A

I don't think genetics are everything. Anyone who has a basic knowledge of human development knows that's not true. There is a definite balance between nature and nurture.
Unfortunately, it seems that many adoptive parents want to dismiss genetics all together and invoke the infants are blank slates theory that we all know is not true at all.

I once heard a really good adoptive parent say that their goal in adoptive parenting is to nurture their child's nature.

I think that is a great goal for any parent.

Weeme

whoever said genetics is everything, or even more than environment is an idiot. My birth mother and my adoptive mother are both intelligent women. Yet while my adoptive mother was finishing school, getting a degree, etc, my birth mother was gambling, stealing, wasting her money and being promiscuous.
By the time they were both in their 50's my mother had had a successful marriage for 25+ years, paid off two modest homes, made a name for herself in her field of work, and successfully raised 4 children. My birth mother gave up 2 children for adoption, had 2 more taken from her and never did an honest days work in her life.
If genetics mean so much, then how come my life turned out so differently than it would have done had I stayed with my birth mother?

Sassafras and Mustard

It's not just "nature," it's "nurture" too. Genetics only make up a small portion of who we are and who we become - the rest is the environment we grow up in and our experiences.

sunny

We are not just 'made up' of our parents. We are the products of every ancestor who has come before us.

My son has a cleft chin, and my daughter has curly hair--neither my husband or I have these physical traits--my natural mother does.

Is it so hard to imagine that our personality traits may be dictated from other relatives, even long dead ones?

I have never said that our environments don't shape us, it's just not nearly as much as the rah-rah adoption movement pretends.

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