If money has nothing to do with good parenting?

Problem Child

(chirping of crickets)

Well, I guess that no one can really answer this one...you're just making too much sense.

ETA: Just to comment about single parents. There are quite a few single parents who adopt, and there are also quite a few adoptive parents that get divorced and therefore end up single.

So, how is being single a reason to tell a woman to place her baby for adoption? If YOU don't think you can handle it by yourself, then whatever, but that doesn't mean other women can't.

No woman should be told they should place for adoption just because she's single. That's what used to happen in the Baby Scoop era, and it's dead wrong.

Here's some info on this era, in case anyone is interested:

http://www.babyscoopera.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_scoop_era

Gaia Raain

I see your other questions got lots of responses, and this one's getting none...hmmmmmmmmm...

*watches a tumbleweed roll by*

Pssst...it's awfully quiet in here.

So, uh. How's it goin'?

Hey, check it out, I left for a few minutes to have dinner and you got responses. A watched pot never boils, eh? I'm doing pretty darn good, now that it's bedtime. Thanks for askin'! :-D

cheyenne

It's a double standard as with most things that have to do with children. The system always says one thing and does another, never fails. I have to watch it everyday and it's very very very hard to see! The true focus should be on what is the healthiest environment for children, not what sounds the best on paper.

Sarah

Have you seen this- people suggesting adoption to common everyday single mothers more frequently? All that was suggested to me were abortion or parenting.

I think you kind of answered your own question when you included 'single'. Part of my deciding to relinquish was because I honestly feel that it takes (at least) two parents to successfully raise a child. Not saying that all those single parents out there are working their butts off for nothing, mind you. I just know especially now, after being married and having two kids, that it's STILL a lot of work with two of us. I can't fathom doing it on my own. I knew when I relinquished that I didn't want to work two or three jobs while my baby was shuffled around from daycare to daycare. That's not effective parenting (so not fair to the child or me), in my opinion.

So perhaps others who may have suggested adoption to these single mothers think that way, too.

Hether L

I dont know why people think if you are not rich you cant be a good parent. I grew up in a poor family and you know what it did me know harm it taught me more about values and whats more important there is love. people are stupid now days

HappyMomAnna

I am not sure that is always true... I know three reunited adoptees who found their parents married at the time they placed them for adoption... two of them found their biological parents still married.

I was a young mother the first time... I had two children by the age of 22 and trust me--we were in poverty. I did actually hear suggestions that I place my second child by my doctor and a county worker of some kind I don't remember because it was out of the question.

My sister-in-law's best friend placed a late-life baby. I believe it was suggested by a therapist or minister or something. The baby was the result of an affair which ruined the marriage and the mother had a 14 year old... She is not suffering at all finacially she very well could have raised the baby...

I have known a lot of people who have been offered the suggestion of adoption by someone for a lot of reasons.

I wonder it if is actually true that there are More suggestions made to single mothers or if it is just that More single mothers decide to place?

Gershom

NCFA, the largest opponent of sealed records also encourages all single mothers to surrender their children to adoption. I'm working on a blog about them right now, i'll post it up here as soon as I'm done. :D

its really informative! in my opinion lmao.

red&sassy

I think it was alot easier in some respects being a single mom. I made the rules and was consistent. My son knew that I would take privilages away if he didn't do what he was supposed to. I only worked one job. I only had one child and he got all my attention. We had fun. I had no idea that parenting could be so great. The best years of my life were the leanest (financially) and I was a single mom. Now that I am married, I have to spread myself around more. My husband would be the first to say that when it comes to having a stepson, he couldn't have gotten any luckier. I have a good boy. I'm glad I left my EX when I was pregnant. Two parents aren't better than one. It's different.

confitemeaculpa

I think there are a lot of sociological assumptions that are made. They may not be correct in that particular or even in most cases but it is not just "you are poor and single you will be a bad mother." The assumption is that if you are single, poor, AND you have come to a counselor or social worker then you most likely, on top of not having a lot of money, do not have strong family support. A single person can not raise a child. I am not saying an unmarried person can not raise a child. It takes more than 1 person, whether it is a mother and a father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, friends, or co-parishioners, raising a child requires a community.
Now if you have money they assume that you have some amount of social support because fiscal success is (90% of the time) a result of successful social connections. You receive raises and promotions because you are a good employee and you are a successful and valued member of that social group. Or you have a good job because you graduated from college, which requires social connections and support.
Now the assumption that is made that may be false is that because you are poor AND you have gone for guidance from someone other than a family member, family physician, clergyman, or the like, you do not have a social network sufficient to support you while you support a child.
I know single mothers (and fathers) who are wonderful parents with wonderful children, and I know married couples who are awful parents and whose children would be better off raised by wolves. I know adoptive parents who met their child's birth parent once and those who have the entire birth family at every birthday party and celebration. There is no right answer, every situation is different, but professionals do their best to asses trends and give advice accordingly. Sometimes they get it right but honestly just as often (perhaps more often) they get it horribly wrong, but I don't envy them.

opedial

Frankly no one should suggest adoption unless the person asks for the information about their choices.

There should be enough social services to provide parents the ability to at least have a roof over their head, so no money does nto have anything to do iwth good parenting. That being said, addictions do and lifestyle choices do. Yes people of all economic brackets may have these issues, but rich or poor, if you have trouble with drugs you should not parent.

LaurieDB

I do see a lot of people suggesting adoption for young, pregnant women who have financial need. Agencies often use material things as an example of something aparents could give the child that the mother cannot at that point. It would be much better if there were agencies that taught these women about options to help them get more financially stable so they don't feel stuck between a rock and a hard place when pregnant. These options could include not only financial assistance, but also assistance to get education and skills to support themselves and their families.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I dunno.. I don't think it should be a matter of money. If what you say is true "people suggest adoption to poorer women more frequently" than that is one of the things that needs to change about the system..

if a woman's financial situation makes her think that she cannot give her children everything, opportunities, stability, that she wants them to have, that should be HER decision, not any agencies.. they should not be pressuring to adopt simply because she isn't wealthy... (but she should be offered support to make parenting work)..

AdoreHim

I counseled women that are pregnant for over 10 years- and this was the number 1 reason single girls and women would consider abortion- it was not told to them by someone else- they themselves thought they could not "afford" a child. The women I counseled came to me, wanting an abortion, because they could not raise a child due to financial difficulties. I would tell them that money is not what makes good parenting- I know this for a fact- we have 2 adopted children and we are not rich either- so when a woman says that she wants to abort , of course I would recommend adoption- because parenting to some of these women was not an option at all

sunny

Because she deserves the baby. The girl who got pregnant accidentally made a mistake, she deserves to be punished--doncha know?

Mark B

yes adoption is nothing more then legal selling of children and has little to do with being a good parent

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