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kitta
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Phil,
Just so there will be some balance here to all the crackho and dumpster mothers.
Just so there will be some balance for all of the people who think that every child who is adopted was "unwanted" by his natural mother, and was "lovingly cared for through sickness"...by his adoptive mother and father..daddy and mommy...
I wanted my son and fought for him. I fought against his father who wanted me to abort him, and my parents who sent me away. I tried to find help with an agency that lied.
Then, when we were reunited, i found the nighmare of a life that my child led..with "parents"..a series of alcohlic "dads" and an adoptive "mom" who sold her body at truckstops.
There is another side to adoption. |
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Laurel J
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Obviously, if we took the propaganda of adoption to its logical ends, this would be true. But we all know that it is really only good and heroic for a woman to relinquish her child if it is a snuggly-wuggly infant and she is poor. Otherwise she's a crap mother and a burden on the system. Oh, and afterwards she's a crap mother and a burden on the system.
Adoption logic is wacky. |
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Sabrina
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There are some really ignorant answers to this question.
I am a birthmother. I gave my child up for adoption because I was too young, too stupid and had no way to take care of her. However, giving away your child in the hopes that they will become more than you had a chance to is the greatest act of selflessness there is. I've been critisized for being pregnant so young..and Ive been critisized for giving my child away.....by the very same women on welfare who neglect their children and later on send them commisary money in prison. I guess its a matter of opinion* |
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monkeykitty83
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*heavy sigh*
I get that this is REALLY in response to the other question.
But seriously, I don't get why we have to "prove" that there is one and ONLY one "real" mother. This comes up over and over again, and it makes no sense to me, no matter who people are trying to prove is "real."
Can't we just accept that some people have more than one mother? That there is a biological and social definition of parenting, and those roles may be fulfilled by different people? I don't see why the existence of one has to threaten the existence of the other, going either direction.
Can we drop the "real" mother fixation, and accept that people have different feelings about their situations, and different personal truths? |
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Independ"ant"
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Yep.
It seems that every article I read about IA gone wrong where fraud and kidnapping was involved and discovered.....its always the natural mother looking out for the best interests of her child. The Aps responses are almost always about themselves and their own feelings. |
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kateiskate
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I agree with you.
I have two moms. Both of them had different roles in my life, but the existence of one doesn't have to affect the existence of the other.
To describe relinquishment as the greatest act of love and to then dismiss the same first mother in the same breath is a bit oxymoronic, isn't it?
Real love means being able to have a big enough heart to fit all of the people that are important to you without having to diminish anyone else. |
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Cam
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An adopted child has two mother's. How they chose to define them is their own personal right and choice.
My daughter's "birth mother" IS her REAL mother. I've always been content with being the "adoptive mother" or the "mother who raises her". We are both called mom. We both love her. |
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Opedial
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I can only assume this is in response to someone else's question......but A)
I don't believe it is the greatest act of love
and B) Real parents are defined by children, so it can be any combination of parent child.
But you already know this :) |
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I Love A Child With Autism!!!
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I'm sorry, but I don't see how questions like this are beneficial to anyone. It just brings out the ugly in people when they feel they need to choose a side and are backed into a corner. Phil, you of all people know better and quite frankly I would expect more of you! In the mood to stir the pot are you?
ETA: Just saw the other question...don't let that horse"s *** goad you, "she" is a probing troll who gets her kicks off of raising people's blood pressure...better to feel pity for her than engage her any further. |
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Gia
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the birth mother would be the real mother because it would be biological. the child would grow up with the other mother though, so they would see that as their real mother, the one who took care of them. |
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Daisey Duck
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Both my mothers are real. For without the both of them I would not be the person I am today. I personally think it is an act of love on both parts. To give your child up because you know you can't be a parent and want a good life for them is love. And it is love to take a child and raise them as your own. That kind of love on both parts is unconditional and both parents should be given the utmost respect. But just my opinion. |
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Just a Mom
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I have been gone for like a month and this is still going on? Sigh.
All mothers are real. We are all real people. |
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♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥
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It depends on the frame of mind. I know one woman who has had at least six children. Her mother adopted three and the other three where put into adoption. She just didn't care enough to use birthcontrol and didn't want the kids. Is that love? It's selfishness.
Other women realize they can not care for a child and put it up for adoption. Yes that is love... because they want a better life for their child that they can not provide.
Then I new another woman who was adopted and had no desire or curiosity about her birth mother. After all she was given away. In her mind the birth mother couldn't have loved her if the bm gave her away. |
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Not my fault either
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no, the greatest act of love is raising the child. the real mom does that. |
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!*! animal crazy !*!
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My family was reunited with our "birth" sister about 2 years ago. My mom had given her up for adoption due to lack of help from her family, its a long story. I have 2 children now and can't imagine the courage and love she had for the baby to know that she couldn't provide her with the care she needed and to let her go to a family that could provide it for her. When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer we decided that it was time to find our "sister" who was then 30 years old. We consider my mom her birth mom but the man and woman who raised her, her real parents. It takes so much more than conceiving a child and giving birth to be the real parents. |
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School Nurse
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How does that DEFINE what a real mother is? Your rational makes no logical sense.
Yes, language IS important but "greatest act of love" and "real mother" are not related. REAL MOTHER is not defined by ''relinquishment' or "the greatest act of love".
How about giving the adopted child a kidney? How does that rate. People have also said that is the "greatest act of love". I don't think any one act could be called "the greatest" act. It all depends on what the child needs at the time.
I think "unconditional love, raising the child, and lifetime commitment" define REAL MOTHER better (using simplistic terms, as you did).
Why do you care how others define REAL MOTHER? Will others' opinion change your definition? Yours doesn't impress me and doesn't change mine.
My daughter staunchly defends my title as her REAL MOTHER. |
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Amaranth
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There are some birth mothers who simply do not care about their children and it could be considered a good thing that they were adopted by someone who will love them unconditionally. And there are some mothers who deeply love their children but have to let get of them because they have no choice. If letting go of your child is the greatest act of love...why can't adopting, accepting, loving and giving a relinquished child a whole new life be considered the same? |
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nyckat
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Lovely thought-and yes being able to let go of a child IS the greatest act of love anyone who can't take care of the child can do.(one of the hardest things imaginable) I personally believe that BOTH are the "real mothers", one brings a beautiful life into the world, while the other nurtures, wipes runny noses, and has the joy of graduations, marriages, birth of grandchildren-and shares the heartaches that come.
Kudo's to both REAL MOMS! |
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sizesmith
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My son has two moms. She is his first. I am the one who raises him, loves him, changes him, kisses him.
She's the one who is offered every opportunity to see him, love him, and even raise him if something happens to me with my assetts and insurance, all of which she refuses.
I thank God for her though, because without her, I wouldn't have this blessed opportunity to love him, and be his mother, even if I'm second. It's where his heart ends up in the long run, and how good of a job I do, and how educated I end up being on being a good adoptive parent, to know later on, who he considers to be his "real" mom. I hope he ends up choosing us both. |
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shivangi_in_touch
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If the mother gives her child away then except labour what does she really do to be a mother? Just birthing the child isn't being a mother, an adoptive mother who takes the child through life and gives it everything and basically births the life process of the child is the real mother.
If you wish to give your child away then why have a child in the first place? If it is a sacrifice for someone then it can still be a case to be taken for consideration.
Adopted children however good the home develop crises in their lives and though some may take it well, there are many with minuscule (or worse, humongous) amounts of identity crisis, self-esteem, learning disabilities and other psychological problems in their lives. I see it regularly being a teacher.
And you would be surprised how much the adopted child merges with the parents even to a point of their becoming or "transforming" into their parent family. Nature's way of adaptation I guess. |
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Jillian
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hmm- well some of those "real" mothers just threw their babies in trash cans or smoked crack while pregnant and gave their kid away- i wouldn't even call them mothers. however when you take car of yourself and realize that a baby needs a better home that is great. but i would not say it's the greatest act of love
it takes bravery and maturity to decide that you can't care for an infant but just because someon give birth does not make them a mother. |
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MATMAN
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OMG
Yes you did a very unselfish act. (Your journey ends there.)
Did you comfort that child each night to sleep.
Did you change any of the diapers.
Did you feed the child.
Did you provide shelter.
Did you take care of the child when sick.
Were you there to give daily love and nurturing.
Do you have plans to be there when educating and disciplining the child.
Did you, Did you, Did you and so on it never ends for the real mom.
We are thankful for the 1 good deed you have done but beyond this there is only 1 REAL mother and she is with that child everyday.
Let the down thumbs fly. |
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friends R gifts we give ourself
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yes i think you are right, i had a friend who's parents died when she was 16, leaving her, her little brother who was 6 at the time and her little sister who was 4, and she actually went to work in a strip club at night and went to school everyday so she could support them, i think that was way beyond the call of duty, she went to college and now she's a lawyer, he siblings are still in her care, she didn't let them go up for adoption because she thought she'd give them a better life than they'd have with another family
but yes i agree, that is the greatest love of all to give up a child, way beyond what anyone else could ever do. |
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just_a_girl
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oh yeah, an adoptive mother could never compare with one that doesn't even know her own child, didn't raise them, feed them, clothe them, care for them, or love them. what a dumb question. |
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Crickets_Mom
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You think like a man! The adoptive mother is the REAL mother; she WANTED the unwanted child, took it and gave it a loving home. What about the adoptive mother sitting at the bedside of her sick baby, wiping its fevered brow, kissing away the tears, holding and rocking it endless hours with never a complaint? What about the adoptive mother whose tears fell onto her baby as she held it close and prayed for a miracle? She is the REAL mother.
An idiot can have a baby but it takes a REAL mother to adopt someone else's child and love it as their own flesh and blood and provide it with a loving family and a good home.
I know what I am talking about! I am the REAL mother of an adopted daughter. |
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gibberish
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The relinquishing mother begins the child's life with a powerful act of LOVE. I have never EVER said she is not a mother or not real!! She passes the torch to another. How shallow of those to feel that other mothers do not love. I dis not say this. I said it is the MOST loving act. MOST my lovelies not only. |
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Eliot K
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You are being idealistic. Some women become birth mothers because they don't have the intelligence or discipline not to get pregnant. Other birth moms have other reasons for choosing adoption. Is "love" one of them? I don't know. What makes you so sure that is is always love, the "greatest love."
The notion that there is a "greatest act of love" is not useful. |
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