If we were interested in Foster Care, what should we expect?

Mom to Foster Children

It's HARD. Expect nothing / everything and the unexpected. While each child is different - it really just depends on the reason the child is in care - how old the child is - does the child still have contact with their parents with visits and such.

Our son who we adopted - we fostered for 2 1/2 years before we adopted him. While we were fostering him he went through alot of ups and downs. The downs were usually when his parents missed visits and the ups were few and far between because of this.

While he adjusted well (we were I believe his 6th foster home) and he does very much get along with our biological children - it did take some time for him to "open up" and feel comfortable.

Edit - yes the state pays for their medical / dental / daycare + you get a small (at least here in NE) stipened check to help you get the things the children need.

leila

These children have a history of abuse and neglect. Sometimes they are withdrawn, sometimes they act out. A stable reassuring family who does not react to their behaviors will be the most therapeutic treatment for them.

In the U.S. you contact your local foster care agency. (Pretty sure it's very similar to AB) You take a 10 -15 week class one night per week.
You pass a back ground check and a home study. The children have all their medical bills paid by the govt and then they give each family a stipend depending on how many children or how complex their situation is. You can specifiy what you can handle (maybe you dont' want to deal with children who run away or have a history of drug abuse or maybe you only want babies. You specify what type of kids and for how long (short term up to 1 week) or long term (until they are reunified with their bio parents). Most of the foster children I encounter get along with bio children. However we usually recommend fostering children younger than the bio children.

Pintobeanz

My mom is a foster mom. We have had around 15 kids so far. Not all the kids behave the same. We have had some kids that were so amazingly well behaved abd some that were terrible. But make sure your kids know exactly what is going on, and prepare for jealousy issues. i'm 17 and still get jealous of my younger brothers and sisters sometimes. Just make sure that you know that this is what you want to do.

Leah

I've been in foster care several times, and I find it really difficult to get on with the family's kids. Either they really bully me,(which I can understand, after all they probably feel threatened by another child) or just ignore me, which is really hard to cope with. If the children are right for each other, I guess things would go well, but its never happened for me. It might be just because I'm really awkward, though, and find it very hard to make friends. Please don't go ahead with this unless you really think its the right choice for you. Its not nice for the foster child.

NannyPam

We were foster parents for 6 years. There are two types of foster care (at least in WI). There is county care, which is supervised by county workers and the stipend is paid by the county. County care is usually relatively short term. The other type of foster care (which we were involved in) is treatment foster care. We were licensed by a private agency and the agency contracted with various counties in the state so quite a bit of travel was involved. We were expected to provide transportation to two meetings with the social workers in the county per year, any court proceedings (as some of the girls had had run ins with the law), and home visits (though some parents would drive half way and we had a few that would come and pick the child up). We were also provided with funding for respite days and a list of licensed respite providers in our area. There medical bill were covered.

Prior to placement we usually got paperwork explaining the child's situation, treatment plan, etc. We then had the option to accept or deny the placement (or in some cases have a pre-placement visit). We had only girls of our own so we provided foster care for teenage girls. The girls usually got along reasonably well with out daughters and a few have made lasting relationships. We adopted 1 of the teens and 2 girls (no longer teens) are permanent members of our family by mutual agreement. Two more of the girls keep in touch on a semi-regular basis. The issues that the girls had ranged from school truancy to drugs to cutting. My daughters were exposed to some things at a younger age than I would have liked, but I don't think that they have any long term damage, and probably have a better understanding of abuse issues that most people.

The girls we had were very street smart, and knew the system better than we did. If a foster parent was a phony and only in it for the money they could tell you in a minute. But, if you were sincerely interested in them and their well being, most responded in a very positive manner. Most arrived taking anti-depressants and all were required to attend therapy, usually on a weekly basis (at least at first). Many of them had been in and out of foster care for years, a few were first timers or were at least relatively new to the system.

Like any situation where emotions are involved there are ups and downs, joys and tears. We had one girl we just weeks away from adopting who ran away and ended up leaving us and going to another foster home. We had another who ran away, went to another foster home and returned to us at 18 (we adopted her at 19). Running away was a big issue with many of the girls and there is NOTHING you can do to stop them. You are told to step aside, let them go, and report them to the local authorities...period! There is a lot of anxiety involved in the time they are on the run. Most run home, are turned back in by their parents, and returned to your care. On the other hand you see kids experience things that we take for granted for the very first time (we had a 17 year old who had never written a Christmas wish list), and one girl whose reading level jumped two grade levels in less than a year. You see them learn to trust, to have better self-esteem, and to begin to heal from their past. Sometimes they don't...and that is when you have to accept that the situation at this time is out of your hands. You can't look at it as a personal failure or you won't be able to give your best to the next kid.

I would definitely say that it is not an easy task, but it is very rewarding at times. We stopped being foster parents when we adopted our two little girls in order to devote more time to the adjustments they were going through. But, fostering is something I would consider doing again when the girls are older.

Molly

My parents adopted 3 children and my aunt fostered children her whole life. In both situations, the biological children suffer. In my case and my biological cousin's case, very badly. Decide if you're willing to put your kids through hell.

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