If you HAD to choose.... what would be a deal breaker?

realmom lese

Someone who has not dealt with their infertility and expects this child to be a replacement child for the one they could not have.

Also, someone who refers to the natural mother as a "birth" anything.

sunny

Religious or Atheist nuts. People who don't read. People who enjoy getting loaded. Wimpy man. Controlling woman. Poor/lower middle class people.

tish_part deux

people who custom order children

people who want to claim babies in the wombs of other women

people who push the "you're so brave/loving/selfless" or "gift" crap

people who are infertile due to lifestyle choices (age, obesity, STI, et al)

people who want to adopt to avoid the "pain/physical changes of pregnancy"

people who want to use adoption as a gay rights issue.

people who are religious fanatics

note: neither God/Mary/Jesus/Allah/Budda, Joesph Smith, nor "the goddess of the womb" has a hand in adoption. religion is often used by PAPs IMO to sell themselves to young women; and by religious-based a- agencies to generate revenue...in other words, it's self-interest and income cloaked as celestial work...get over it people.

off ...off...off!!

Expendable

no:
really right wing republicans
insanely strict and unloving parents
no creepy stepford wife moms or controlling butch moms
people who are too uptight
people who seem too desperate

aloha.girl59

In addition to some of the great answers already here...

Anyone who said anything like, "You're so selfless. You're doing what's best for the baby. What a wonderful gift you're giving."

OFF THE LIST!

kristi o

Assuming that there are some things that you may never be able to find out about someone without actually living with them (abuse), I would have to say any drug use. I've seen children neglected by an addict parent. It's sad. It definitely causes problems for the child even after he/she is grown.

Cambria

Personally?

Racism
Homophobia
Rigid, oppressive (in my opinion) religious beliefs
Rigid gender expectations/beliefs
Not open minded
Want a closed adoption
Overly structured/rigid ideas about what the child will be like or what being a parent will be like
Hate dogs

Lol

There are a ton more. Mainly because I can't actually picture handing my child over to someone else to raise, so I'm pretty sure I could always find a deal breaker, but those are my particular hot buttons that would automatically get under my skin

ETA: Anyone unwilling to undergo pre-adoption counseling and education. I think there is a lot PAP's need to know about adoption and about what to expect, and I think therapy is a great way for them to work through some stuff and make sure they are really ready and are doing it for good reasons (not perfect reasons or perfectly and completely selfless reasons, because I honestly think that is a lot to ask of a human being, but for good reasons. Not just to work out their own Sh** by getting a baby)

Emily D

non-Christian/not active in a church - I would want my child to be raised in a Christian home and raised in the church.

excessive alcohol consumption

would not encourage academics

would not read to the child, even as a baby

would not encourage the child to follow his/her dreams/goals

would not foster talents be it in music, art, writing, or any other area.

Cool Hal

I will bite my tongue and only answer the question that you have asked - and there is so much wrong with it I am finding it hard.

There would be no deal breaker - I would only look for which two people could offer my baby the best life. You cannot swap financial wealth for quality time or vice versa. You cannot trade youth for experience. Religion or politics cannot be used as a benchmark as there are moderates and radicals in all religions and political parties so I would not use that as a bench mark.

I would look for someone whose values closely match yours and who you believe can offer the best life for your baby. You maybe surprised - the best parents could in fact be the one that will give birth.

sizesmith

I think every PAP that says they'll do open adoption should have to take a lie detector test to make sure they'd honor open adoption. I also think that mothers who are considering placing a child should always make sure that they have not only cell phone numbers, but also residential numbers.

They'd have to have committed open love, and be open to hugs from each other, to show a loving home. Alcoholism, or any addiction, including cigarettes, drugs, marijuana, or prescription drugs would be a no-win. It seems any addict always puts things ahead of their kids.

SgtShamy

if all couples are equally good people (kind and caring type and over all good parents) it would be money. I'm adopted and I grew up very privileged. It's nice to have nice things (as long as the parents have good morals and can teach them to the child)

kateiskate

My dealbreakers would be:

Religious freaks and fanatics.

Republicans. Sorry, I would want my child raised by someone with similar values and views as me.

Smokers or heavy drinkers.

Past history of mental illness in the family

Age. Over thirty five would be too old to raise a young child in my view.

Education. I'd want my PAPs to be college educated. At the minimum they'd need a bachelor's degree

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