If you adopt a toddler in foster care are they usually scarred?

HappyMomAnna

The toddler years are a very difficult time for children to be placed for adoption in a new home. They are aware of the changes yet lack the language and Cognitive skills to talk about how they are feeling.

Attachment disorders are most common in children who have had more then two Primary Caregivers before the age of 3 (Birth parents 1, Foster Home 2, adoptive home 3) And the most sever attachment disorders take place when a child has formed an Unhealthy attachment with and abusive or neglectful caregiver (pretty much supposed to be why a child is in foster care.)

Behavioral problems can result from psychological trauma, mental health issues, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the affects of prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol.

Children in Foster Care are Hopefully there for a reason that would predispose the child to one or more situations where unhealthy attachments form or issues that may impact behavior are obvious.

Some children do better then others. Most children do well. In a Few (rare) cases the child will have life long attachment, behavioral, emotional, mental, medical and other issues... It's surprising most do well considering they were hurt enough to need new parents.

Flying Monkey #073177

My son was very scarred when he entered the foster system at 19 months. He slept on the floor of the room in his foster home for over a week, refusing to sleep in a bed. He ate very little at first and cried constantly. He was scarred from loosing the only person he had ever known, his mother, me. No abuse, no neglect, my son was well cared for and loved, he just got the sh*t end of the stick when his mother tried to better her life and his by seeking treatment for a debilitating disease.

Erin L

I recommend Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

farm mom of 10

I'm a foster mom. My adopted daughter came to live with us when she was two and a half, and continued to see her birth mother until she was three and a half, and birth mom relinquished her.
Yes, she grieved, of course she did. Poor little girl. I've held her and let her grieve when she needs too, I acknowledge her loss. We write her birth mother letters and send pictures, and we opened the adoption to her extended biological family
Just think, don't these children need families too? Just because they are going to have issues, does that mean no one should adopt them? It's not going to be the same as if you adopted an infant, I've also adopted two infants through foster care. I have seven biological children, too, who are older. But wow, do I love this little girl, and believe me when I say she is worth any issues we deal with. We just adopted her full sibling biological brother less than two months ago. We are very blessed.

I just made a slideshow of their adoptions. I have also written a LOT of articles about foster/adoption. I'll give you both links:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/150807/carla_raley.html

http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4f44457a4d6a67794e413d3d0d0a&blogview=true

wifeandmom

For me I have adopted the older and the younger child. I would have to say that yes they have harder time. Of course they would. But with the ages you are looking at you will have an easier time then if you went any older. My middle son came to us at 3 and has little lasting scares from being in foster care. He has other things going on but not that. But my 4 year old has many things from the bio family. She was 15 months. I also think you need to think about this. If a little child is up for adoption that means that a foster home did not want them or bio family did not want to take them. So in the back of your mind remember that. In many states foster parents get first rights to adopt that child after a certain time. All this is hard and is not easy. An form of adoption has heartbreak all over it. So if you are looking for the perfect child that has no scares or affects from the past I think foster to adopt is the wrong avenue for you. You need to look into infant adoption. Those babies are new and have little emotional problems except if the mom did something during being preggo.

shawty qot swaqqa

nooo they dont because my mom passed away when i was 3 and i went into foster care and my grandma adopted meh and my sisters but then in 2008 she passes away soo than my uncle had to adopt me and my sisters and i dont have anty problemss depending on how u would raise them as they were growing up

Klaudia

Well, when I was a kid, that feeling always brought up to me. I love my parents very much, but I tend to wonder into deep parts of my mind. They will most likely be scared the first six months or at least shy. They won't go up and ask, can I ride my bike? They feel you have to ask them or invite them. They all feel like guests. Think of when you went to your mom's friend's house when you were little. You didn't go running around (for the most part) unless they asked. Eventually they will get used to it. Kids ages 1-3 normally adapt easier than ages 4-9. Kids, should I say pre-teens, normally have even harder times adapting. Teens will not really, be scared but more shy.

Hope this helps!

cmc

Children in foster care are generally there due to abuse and/or neglect. This is something adoptive parents have to be aware of and address, but often children adjust very well, and can be very "normal" (just like the rest of us). When you adopt you'll know about the child's background from social services, and hopefully be able to help your child overcome any emotional issues they have. Also the training needed for fost-adopt will help you understand what kind of problems children might have, and how you will need to address them. With any child - biological, adopted newborn, or adopted older child - each child is different and there maybe be health or emotional problems that you need to address.

crzymmof8

Unfortunately most children who come through the foster care system are in some way "scarred". This doesn't mean they can't be helped. We have 9 adopted children (all through the foster care system) and they are great kids but they all have emotional and some medical issues. It has been quite a journey but I would do it again in a heartbeat. We adopted some as toddlers and some as teens.

boorisbee

A LOT of them do. More than the agency will tell you. I know the feeling of wanting to do good, but it's so hard because some of the kids are actually really crazy and scarred

â™¥ kay.

Yes, going through families like a rag doll and being abused leaves a huge impact on any one at any age. Foster care and adoption programs don't usually tell you any thing about a child and what kind of stuff she/he had to go through. You'll figure that out by your self.

Having a child not know his/her birth parents and family is hard enough on them. Older children tend to have a very HARD and ROUGH time trusting other people. There are other problems they face as well. But I'm gonna let other adoptees tell you.

My adoptive friend has a hard time to love because she really don't know what love is since she was thrown around in foster care. And having her real mother give her up, I don't blame her for having a hard time to love and trust.

EDIT: Be prepared to be asked why mommy and daddy didn't want them and other hard questions you will face. Also although some children/teenagers and even adults that were adopted don't show their emotions of their past. They're fighting a silent battle.

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