If you adopted children from overseas, how did you honor their culture?

AntiguaFamily

We adopted three children from Guatemala. We honor their birth culture in many ways. We are all learning Spanish together, we all discuss their story of how we became a family. We look at the hundreds of photos we took on all the trips we made to their country as well as watch the video's we took. We have childrens books that we read which features Guatemala, I have Guatemalan recipes that I cook a few times a month and finally we do also celebrate not only US holidays, but also the major Guatemala holidays.

Jisdu

Both of my daughters are from China. We all know from reading what adult transracial adoptees have said that honoring the birth culture is very important.

For our children, we kept their given Chinese names as their legal middle names, and gave them "playground friendly" first names. They both like to go by their Chinese names, at least at home.

My oldest attends Chinese language school, my youngest will when she is old enough. My husband and I have both attempted to learn Mandarin Chinese, it's not easy! I have enjoyed learning to read the language, but I can't pronounce it very well.

We attend local events conducted by both the Chinese and Asian communities in our small city. We decorate our house for the major Chinese holidays.

My oldest daughter is very proud of her Chinese heritage, so she often leads the way in all of this.

Having said this, I don't want it to sound as though we are co-opting their culture in favor of our own. As a family we still celebrate US holidays, attend powwows, and so on.

Still Me

There are so many ways to celebrate our children's lives, whether it is their race, ethinicity, culture, birth family or country of origin. This may include any of the following:

1. Language classes for the family
2. A "mentor" who speaks our child's birth language, to help keep the child fluent, or enable the child to learn his birth language
3. Artwork from our child's culture
4. Photos from our child's birth country/cultural country
5. Occasionally cook foods of our child's birth country or culture, and include them in family traditions
6. A special outfilt or syle of clothing
7. Books which reflect original country, culture, race, ethnicity
8. Friends who reflect our child
9. Community events (fairs, workshops, lectures, singers, dancers, etc.)
10. And most of all, all of the above from ALL cultures and races and ethnicities. When we show others unconditional acceptance, respect and appreciation, we are showing our child the same. When we show people from other cultures, races, etc. disrespect or do not include them in our world, our children may easily transer that feeling of being inacceptable to themselves.
11. Most importantly, speak well of all people of all cultures, races and ethnicities. It is not as much the "bigger" things mentioned above that show our child total acceptance, it is the "little" things, small comments, small looks, small observations. Such as:

"Oh, look at her beautiful brown eyes."
"Aren't they a nice family?"
"Isn't Mexico a beautiful place?"
"I love his accent."
"She is a good teacher."
"That's really fun music."

Of course, it is also so important not to overwhelm your children. This should be a natrual part of their lives, but should not burden them or create stress. And don't be surprised if your child rejects some of these attempts at inclusion of their birth country, race, etc. They want to be like and accepted by their family, and may feel this separates them from you -- but it is up to you to show the acceptance and appreciation consistenly! You can also take time to point out similarities -- this is important! Tell them they have your love of pizza, or walk just like daddy, or like puppies just like their brother, or have music ability just like grandmother!

The biggest tribute to our children? Do not share their personal information and details regarding ther birthfamily with the whole world! Do not tell their "story", and do not tell people what a disadvantage place they "came from". This hurts children deeply, and is so disrespectful.

The history your children have belongs to them and them alone. It is not correct to tell people:

"She was in a horrible orphanage."
"He came from such poverty."
"His birthmother couldn't afford to take care of a baby."
"Where she is from, children are just tossed out."
"Her birthfamily didn't want her."
"He had so many bug bites on him and was so filthy when we got him."
"His birthfather was never around."

Etc. This is very damaging. Our children will share, or not, information they want to share, when they want to share it.

No one should have information passed around like it belongs to the public. This is private information. Yes, be proud of their birth and history and culture. But speak of it in neutral and postive ways! And not often like it who the child is, because this burdens yuour child. This is a part of who your child is!

I hope this helps! Good luck!

mete

well I havent adopted any children or anything but

I think you should teach the child his/her own history and culture you may have to research these and you can also visit that country every couple of years

later in life the kid will wonder where (s)he came from and you need to fill that spot

you can learn the language, and holidays also

StacieG

We get the girls around people who are from their birth country as often as possible (we have two friends who are from their birth country and one very close friend who is from a neighboring country with a very similar culture). We get the girls around Spanish speakers when we can, too. We talk frequently about their birth country and all the wonderful things about it. We talk about the people (wonderful folks), the music (beautiful), the foods (delicious), the culture (rich) and what their country produces (many things to be proud of).

We celebrate the Independence Day of their birth country, too, which happens to fall on our wedding anniversary, by shooting off some fireworks squirrelled away from the 4th of July.

We frequently have foods that are traditional to their birth country & I found a Latino market that sells juice pulp like what we had when we were there...so we make juices, too, that they're familar with.

We talk about how beautiful they are because of their heritage (their beautiful, thick black hair, their gorgeous dark brown eyes, their prominent cheekbones...their tremendous smiles).

squeaky53095

I have friends who have adopted from other countries and they all had spent plenty of time in their childs country. They tried to see things that were important where they lived.
Some also brought back many items that signify where the child lived. (Jewelry, clothes, books, etc..) Also were plenty of pictures.
And, when old enough it would be facinating, I believe, for the child to learn about their culture.

Timbo R

I was adopted from Korea when I was 3. I'm now 36 and appreciate very much the effort my parents made in exposing me to my Korean culture. My parents cooked Korean food, took me to museums, introduced me to books and literature, attended social events and enrolled me in Korean language lessons. Based on my experience I would offer the following advice:

As with parenting in general the process should not be prescriptive. Timing is a key factor in understanding when it's appropriate to introduce your child to their culture. How old are they? What is there personality like? It's also important to consider carefully your methods. Sometimes culture needs no introduction as is the case with food - it just tastes good and the culture is a natural extension of that experience. other forms of exposure such as books and media can also be integrated into daily life. It's when you get into more obvious situations such as museums, social events and language lessons where children might sense a motive. In any case, be prepared to answer the questions - "what is adoption? and why was I adopted?" In my experience that was the toughest part of growing up. And it's very likely those questions will require an entire lifetime to be answered.

seastarr1616

I am adopted from South Korea. You dont have to honor their cultures that much but there are little things you can do. For ex. When I turned 1 my parents had a special korean celebration, and one of my friends who is adopted from China celebrates the Chinese New Year!

Harley

First, let me say I have not adopted. Second, I've known plenty of people who have adopted. Third, this is what I'd do.

I would be sure to let them know their culture. I would find culture classes in the area (if possible) to have them participate in (once they are a bit older). Finding someone to tutor them in their own language would be outstanding and I would pay for it in a heart beat. Foreign languages are useful later down the road in their life, why not start out with their first language?

cOPYcAT

i am glad the child will have a great mum/dad.

Don't change their name (if they already have one).
And of course, if you hv times, then study their culture.
Let them hve the chance to get in touch with their culture in their growing life.

Thanks you.

PoseidenNeptuneReturns

Why bother? They won't have any attachment to that culture, they will be attached to yours. I'm not saying keep them ignorant, I'm just saying that shouldn't be a main focus of their rearing. If they're curious then encourage it, but raise them as you would your own, since that is what you know.

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