If you are infertile?

Lori A

No, that isn't what that means at all. There will always be a need for adoption and good parents to care for children who need homes.

This is about women who feel that they are owed a child because they want one, those who think its the cool latest thing to do like prada bags, those who built their career instead of taking advantage of their own fertile period, those who say if I don't like "IT" can I return it, or no problem I will simply go get "one" through adoption, like they would a puppy.

It is more about the mental state of those who can not grasp what is involved for the child (or surrendering mother). Those who think children are blank slates, will be eternally grateful, and never desire to know their true identity.

If you can be a parent that understands the things that pertain to the child and deal with them in a respectful manner toward the child, putting their need to know before your need to be loved as a parent then you will be a loving parent.

The system is broken, the focus shifted from good homes for children who need them to who ever has the most money is entitled and that is not only sad it is wrong. Money does not make a better parent. How many times have you wanted to slap some spoiled brat? His/her parents money didn't do that child any favors except to create another entitled individual.

I do think pre birth matching is wrong on several levels. It hurts the adoptive parents if it falls through, it creates an opportunity for scamming, it puts a lot of pressure on a young scared woman to surrender when her heart says no but her hormones dictate to every other voice in the room.

Most adoptive parents will still adopt even if pre birth matching is not done, why allow the set up for all the disappointments that can result from it?

The desire for babies has resulted in less than ethical behavior in adoption. To accept another parents child who was stolen to fill a demand is beyond my comprehention. Imagine finding out you were stolen from your family to be sold as a commodity. Most adoptive parents don't even realize they have done this. They were told a much different story, one about the child being an orphan.

Change is what people want, what I want. More and more men and women have been stricken with infertility, ( something I blame our government for not God) someone has found away to fill that nitch. It is no longer about children needing homes, even though they wrap it up as such. Informed decisions by first parents and adoptive parents is all anyone is asking for. Ethical adoption, not supply and demand.

tish_part deux

infertility is unfortunate. so are the other 17 gazillion health ailments that we deal with every day. does this mean that a person is permanently limited to a child free life? no. no more than an amputee is limited to a life of immobility.

but...just as it's not right to take the legs of a mobile person to benefit one who is immobile, it is not right to expect that infertility rationalizes expecting that another woman will give up her baby.

bottom line: there's way too much corruption and marketing towards the "ills of infertility" in adoption. the focus is rarely on the mother and child's needs.

for instance:

-IA is desired when wait limits in the US are too long, or to aviid "birth-mama drama."

-there is way too much legislation to shorten revocation periods and take away fparent's rights.

-open adoption is only a lure that's used to encourage young women to give up their babies.

-most only consider adoption when they can't have their own children.

-there is too much emphasis on adopting newborns and infants.

-we (society) marginalize fmother/father/family and adoptee loss, demonize those who change their minds, normalize claiming babies in the wombs of other women, exploit poor women to be surrogates/egg donors; and support an industry that makes a ton of money off of human suffering. all in the name of infertility.

whenever there's a scared young woman comtemplating what to do with her unintended pregnancy, most premise their response with, "there's so many couples who can't have babies..."

do you kinda see why some have an issue?

DevonChaos

The adoption industry is so corrupt, yet people are still lining up with their money to get a fresh newborn. Do your part in stopping this by NOT going that route if you feel you want to raise a child. Find a child who might not otherwise have the chance to find the love of a parent. If you are unselfishly wanting to give love to a child, it shouldn't matter which child it is. It shouldn't matter if the child is of another race, or has a disability. In fact, those children need help most of all.

Just because a person is infertile doesn't mean that they should miss out on the chance to parent, but they shouldn't rely on fertile people to supply them children. There is so much demand for "undamaged" "clean slate" babies that people go to such unethical mean$ to $upply them to these people. The only way this is going to end is if the demand goes down. You can do your part in this.

As an adoptee, I find it heinous that if I had been born in another condition, I might have grown up in a group home, rather than with loving parents, just because people might have found me to be "too much trouble", or "not good enough". Disgusting!

Independ"ant"

"Either way, no one gets held at gunpoint to place their child."

When the gun/knife is literally pointed at their heads the child is kidnapped ....never ..placed....making the adoption equate to legalized kidnapping. Have you heard about international adoption. Using guns and drugging mothers is popular way to get kids from their mothers arms.

To the Op....nothing should be automatic when it pertains to humans.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you said: "Either way a child is a child".

so what's the problem with fostering a special needs child? they are some of the most needy out there.

fostering and adoption is about kids who need homes. NOT for people who need kids.

sweetjane

Who said "only get an older, special needs children"?

I don't believe in per-birth matching. I don't believe in paying for the expenses of the natural mother in return for her handing her kid over to you upon delivery. I don't agree with ANY coersion on the part of adoptive parents and many of their claims to be so 'proud' of the mother for her decision and 'how difficult this must be for her' and 'what a hero she is for carrying her baby to term so that the child can be placed in the arms and home of someone else. When adoptions 'fail' those same people are in here talking about how difficult it is to lose 'their' child.
It's your life. You aren't going to change your opinion based on these forums....not for a while at least. I used to be just like you. Stick around and do more listening and less complaining....you might just learn something.
There are MANY infants and toddlers in foster care. They are free, they are legally unable to return to their natural parents, they legitimately need homes. There is absolutely NO REASON for anyone to adopt a fetus, unless they simply refuse to take in a child who actually needs a home because they would rather have the day old infant. IMHO.
<<Foster to adopt mommy to perfectly healthy 11 month old.

opedial

No, they can still perhaps have a baby, if one is available. But don't bet your life on that option. Just because we want something, doesn't mean we get to have it.

I am infertile, and yes, I could have stayed in competiton on the chance I would have gotten that "baby" i had always thought of, but then I adjusted my dreams to my reality and I am much happier with my children than I would have been waiting for a potential chance at a baby. It is not settling when adopting older children, it was a gift for us.

If an infertile woman is not willing to adopt an older child because she is concerned about missing those first few years, then fine, wait and maybe you may receive a baby, but betting on the fact that you deserve a baby is a mindset that gives you a sense of entitlement to someone else's child, and that is no mindset that is healthy for anyone, PAP, first mothers, or children.

It is not unethical to decide you cannot adopt a child with special needs, it does take a certain talent and skill set, but if you can't you can't and don't then assume you will be adopting a baby. Wanting to adopt a baby is a reality, waiting forever and the desperation may grow causing turning a blind eye to unethical behaviour.

sizesmith

Quite frankly, I think that sometimes, parents who have tried and then went to the links that some parents do to become parents, and after they wait so long to be able to adopt, I think they should be able to. Infertility wasn't an issue with me when I decided to adopt, and having had the courses now about foster kids, and having adopted an infant both, I don't back down on either decision to have a child. (thanks for the thumbs down-I'm collecting them-LOL)

Either way, no one gets held at gunpoint to place their child. There are resources, financial aid, and many options for a mother who wishes to keep a child. Just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean she wants to be a mom. Just because a woman gives birh doesn't mean she'll bond with the baby. Let those babies grow up in a home where they're loved, wanted, and where someone has had to undergo the checks and social worker interview to have a child, and let a child actually grow up rather than be like the child on TV right now, and the mother had gotten tired of her, stuffed her in a garbage bag, and was out partying a day or so later. Proof some kids need to be placed, and voluntarily at birth would be so much easier on the kids than being forced to be placed later in life after their emotional scarring.

Fireball

Infertility has no bearing on your ability to raise a child, nor does fertility for that matter. Special needs children need special parents. If you don't feel called by God to adopt a certain child, then you shouldn't. If you feel it is God's will, then heed not the objections of men.

It doesn't matter if Rachelrmf is really a nurse or the owner of a delivery company, her question still has bearing for others that may benefit from the discussion. Perhaps she is both. She wouldn't be the first person in history to have more than one job.

oh no you di'int

just go adopt, follow your heart

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