If you discover someone is an adoptive parent are you automatically interested in how they parent?

spydermomma

I'm very curious by nature and so I'm interested in all kinds of other families and just other people in general. But I don't notice everyone, so as an adoptive mom to a daughter from China I do tend to pay more attention to adoptive families (especially transracial adoptive families), and Asian American families. I'm especially interested for 2 reasons:
1) Parenting is HARD. I figure I always have something new to learn and parents in families like these are the ones I figure I'm most likely to learn from.
2) I'm always on the lookout for families we can connect with. I think it will be very important for my daughter to have other adoptees to talk to as she grows up, someone who understands her. And as she will be Asian American and we are not, it will be important for her to have role models and friends that are Asian American.

And a lot of the time I get along well with the parents in these families also, so I'm curious for that reason also. It isn't usually about their parenting per se, though I suppose that is part of it. Sometimes I approach them, sometimes not. One "line" I sometimes use if I want to say something is "Are you an adoptive parent too?" That way the emphasis is on the parents and not on the kids.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i'm not at all interested in how they parent, actually.

i'm intested in how truthful they are and whether or not they support the child's right to search.

Nurse Answer Mama

I'm interested in how everyone parents. My child is going to live surrounded by the children of others when they grow up. I'm always hoping they are doing a good job.

sunny

I don't think of the parent at all. I totally identify with the adopted kid. We have far more in common than me and the mother ever could have.

âœ§ â“â“˜â“›â“¨ â™¥ kaelers, emy & bella

No, no more than if I find out they have a biological child. I'm interested in what anyone has to say if they're willing to talk about it, but I don't really care how their family came together.
If I'm aware that I kid I know is adopted, I hope that the parents are open about the adoption with their kids and are understanding of the unique challenges of raising an adopted child, and would think it's a shame if they were not, but it's not my place to deal with anyone else's family.

Linny G

I guess my a p's didn't get the memo that they weren't supposed to spank me. Thats ok, they didn't get the memo that it was ok for me to be sad & miss my mom either, lol.

I don't particularly think anything about their parenting, unless it's obvious they are hurting their child. Im just not that nosy.

If it is obvious the child is adopted, I immediately want to hug them and tell them it's ok to love ALL their parents. And that they're NOT getting a pony.

Flying Monkey #073177

Not generally, maybe a bit curious but not enough to start a conversation about it. I do tend to ask how they went about adopting though.

IDK!!

YES, some friends of my friends adopted their grandchildren one with a MAJOR health problem. They home schooled and they ARE great parents, they don't try to be perfect, but I was surprised when I found out that they live in a 1 bedroom house with 2 kids. They really need a subsidy to help raise the children, but because they didn't fit the unadaptability standard for our state (Explanationon below). So to stay in the family, the parents have to carry a huge financial burden they were not expecting.

Mei-Ling

It certainly intrigues me, although as I am NOT a parent, I feel I should have no right to judge on how specifically a mother raises her adopted child.

Yes, even though I am a transracial adoptee. Because I don't have the parenting experience.

My mom sees a white woman with a Chinese girl and points her out to me: "Look, she's adopted!"

My response? "Mmm."

Mom's POV: Oh isn't she SO CUTE!? Also, she's adopted, like YOU! Isn't it wonderful that they could be a family?!

My POV: I wonder if that little girl realizes the emotional cost of her adoption to her original family?

Robin

Interesting question. Thanks for asking!

Actually, I don't think about how someone else parents unless, of course, they are abusive in any way. Regardless of whether or not a child is adopted. That is, UNLESS it's obvious that the parents treat their child differently (say than their bio kids, or if they make a big issue to other people that their child is adopted).

I guess my biggest wish is that parents love their child - that it doesn't matter if their child is adopted or not. The only thing I'd wish for adoptive parents is that they support their kids if/when they wish to search for their bio family & realize it's not threat to them as parents. And that they understand some of the unique challenges, perspectives, hurts that adoptees may have.

I don't assume a child is adopted because his or her mother is caucasian. The father could be another race (my daughter is part Filipino).

I'm totally against spanking PERIOD! I get a little freaked out when I see parents yank a child by the arm, or yelling in their face, or when I see growing frustration in a parent(s) (waiting in lines, etc.)

Mei Ling, don't worry about those thumbs down...some people just don't get it!

myst1998

I am usually automatically on my guard as many adopters I have met (esp here in Aust) have 'god' complexes like they are more worthy of respect than others because they adopted from overseas. Makes me wanna PUKE all over them.

It brings into question everything about them (for me)... like anyone who has had a bad experience with a certain class of people (regardless of race or class), I am guarded until I know them better. How they parent is just one thing that would interest me... it would be more like how they view the rest of the world and their expectations on what they want that interests me.

Indian-vision

Absolutely curious.

Today my husband told me some one he knows adopted a 3 month old baby. I wanted to know hope its an orphanage and not private adoption.Then realised we don't have private adoptions like that just like U.S

Then ofcourse i always want to know their plans on will they or will they not tell the child or pass the child off as biological.

As for how they parent ,i would be as curious as one is to see natural parents, which is not curious at all.

Dark Angel

No, I am not interested in how they parent. Why should I be interested in their parenting any more than a natural parent's parenting? I admire them for caring enough to adopt.

Gaia Raain II

I am, yes. But I'm also super critical and opinionated, so even though I'm curious, I don't ask questions. I find it impossible not to tell people, for instance, what exactly I think of spanking. Especially if the child is adopted.

Independ"ant"

No not necessarily parenting but more so of what the child has endured and what she/he will continue to endure for the rest of their lives. Language/culture taken from them...etc.

I see a lot of transracial adoptees with "white" Aps. I wonder if they even have stopped to think about what they have contributed to for the sake of hearing a child call them "mommy".

I wonder if Aps even give a second thought to whether or not their little adoptee was illegally taken from their mothers despite being told what they want to hear by someone making money off the sale.

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