If you had a choice between living with your super religious grandparents or staying with your foster family?

HappyMomAnna

I am happy to hear they are giving you a choice about what happens.

I am guessing the Foster Family has said that you can stay with them. Sounds like they have a good set up and it's a house filled with activity and energy!

Not ALL Grandparents are "too religious" like other families they could be completely different then the other set of grandparents. They may be "too" something else however...

What I might do, is start making a few lists. Starting with the basic things that matter to you. Since you have been in different homes you know they all have their OWN Rules and some families care more about one thing or another. You can take some time and write one list of the kinds of rules or house policies that you are Fine with and another that You feel could be a problem. Then you will have two lists about the basic things you know are okay and one you know will not work for you.

One of the most important skills all of us need in any relationship is "Communication" and such an important decision about where you will live for the rest of high school and who will be there when you start your life as an adult gives you the chance to talk with all the people involved.

Your Grandparents may be just as anxious about the plans as you are. Are you going to be able to have any visits or contact with them before a plan is made? If you are then I would bet they would be interested in learning about you and what your expectations are also.

The other lists you can make would be about the Pros (good things) and Cons (not good things) about each choice. Sometimes when I have a difficult choice to make it is easier when I can see all the reasons why or why not one choice is good or not so good.

If you can put a few things down on paper and look over these lists with your Foster Parents and the Grandparents The Adults will also get an idea of what you are thinking and if they see something they feel you are missing they can talk with you about it.

For example if you write on your Con's list that "super religious" might be a Con with your grandparents--they might be able to let you know they are or are not going to be like that.

If you write that a Pro of staying with the Foster Family is to be there until you are an adult...but, it's a Con too because, you want to go to college and would want a home to call your own at the Holidays or in the Summer while you do--You can open up this conversation and find out what to expect.
The Foster Family might be wonderful and consider all their children as part of the family forever--but, then again what if they don't? Would it be better to have them for the next 3 years and then be on your own? Or will your Grandparents be the kind who make you the center of their lives and will there when you are a young adult?

Do you have a counselor or therapist that you can meet with privately to talk about the ways you might be able to make a decision that might be best not just for right NOW but, for the years that you start your life on your own?

Is your case worker someone who might help you understand more about these grandparents and what they expect and how their home is. Do you know how much time you have to make this decision?

Is it possible to have some visits with the Grandparents and maybe stay with them for Spring Break to see how things are there? This is a huge choice and I would let people know that you think you are important enough to want to make such a huge decision with the Facts.

Everyone would Flip-Out if you wanted to get married to someone you don't even know so why would anyone expect you to decide sometime so huge without at least enough information. For all you know these other Grandparents can't stand people who are "too religious" either!

There are many people who are religious but, don't act it out the same ways... I am really religious but, it irritates me when I spend too much time with people who say, "hallelujah" all the time or "a man" every other word. I love God but, can be so annoyed by other people who love God and make a big deal about the ceremony of it all, and focus on the parts that seem less important to my life. Religion can be something that's extreme for some people and other people can be religious but, not too! Your grandparents might even know the other ones and say, Oh, we remember them and that was something we have an little issue with too..

The problem with the other sibling needs to be part of this decision too. If this is a big problem then you know what your OWN risks might be with that sibling in the future. This is something you need to discuss with people who can help you make an educated decision. Also remember that some of the other Foster Children may have new plans come up for them too in the future... Just because they are part of the family today--doesn't always mean that might not change.
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sizesmith

Not all grandparents are "super religious". Perhaps if you legally stayed with your foster family, but had a vacation with your grandparents, to get to know them better, and test the waters before a permanent solution is done. Also, since you love your foster family, if you do go live with your grandparents, you can stay in contact, and if it didn't work out, see if the option to be placed back with them would be an option. Talk with your social worker the next time you see them.

I was very fortunate to have wonderful grandparents, and wanted to live with them instead of my natural parents, even though I was blessed to be "normal" in my growing up period.

Katie

Well your grandparents are family and I suggest you visit them when possible, but if you love your foster family I would stay with them. Personally I can't stand super religious people, I would go crazy. Grandparents are for visiting :)

It's your life though and your (very difficult) decision.

Looney Tunes

Hey.

It sounds like you are really happy with your foster parents that you have been with for 3 years. I suggest that you SLOWLY get to know your "new-found" grandparents. For example, visit them and have them come and visit you. See, the thing is, you are in a safe, happy, environment with decent foster parents, you don't want to rush into anything with people you do not know...only to get hurt again.

If after spending brief periods of time with your grandparents you like it, start having longer visits....Then decide once you GET TO KNOW THEM.

Also, Lucas, at this stage in your life, what should matter is how you feel. You are not "going to hurt your biological family" ~ they are the ones that hurt you and they should understand any decision you make.

You have had a rough life. You DESERVE to be in a place that you want to be, that is safe and caring.

chickmomma5

In my opinion, I think that you should consider giving your grandparents a chance. I think you will cheat yourself by not giving them an opportunity to have a relationship with you. I know you had a bad experience with the other grandparents and I totally understand your concern that this will be a bad experience, too, but the fact they they looked for you and want you with them says something - don't ya think? But, I think you should first sit down with your grandparents and talk over the arrangements. Ask them questions - what will they expect from you, will they insist you follow their religious choices, etc... Tell them what you would like to have in the relationship and see if you can come to some sort of an agreement. Give them a trial period to see if it works out. But make the trial period a good amount of time like 2-3 months so that you all will have time to get to know each other. You have been through alot in your 15 years, so take your time making this decision. I wish you luck and I really hope it works out between you and your grandparents.

bab-e-cakez

awe :( sweetheart im sorry to hear that...but you need to stay with the foster family. i mean that is my opinion, i can't tell you what you can or can't do. just be happy :) atleast for me:) ill pray for you good luck !

Zack M

Well Dude I would talk to your grandparents. Tell them how you feel and let them know that they have to treat you well if you live there and no matter what choice you make you will always love them. Where ever you go I would set up time to visit the other, maybe very other weekend or something. Dont rush into making a decision

Abby : )

choose which ever makes you happy.

crazy mama

i can see its a hard decisions...but..
do what ur heart says, and it wouldn't hurt so bad to give it a try with ur other grandparents.... if anything goes wrong u can always get back to ur biological family... even if thats not possible, atleast u've given it a try...
or if u dont want to change the life that u have now.. well stick to it..and maybe visit ur grandparents sometimes... or often... so that u can show them, u still care...and not just wanted to walk out of their life..

Leigh

Oh, this is tough! If your other grandparents turn out to be horrible, you'll be back where you started. Then again, what if they are amazing? I think that you should give your grandparents a whirl (yes, I just said "whirl"). My little sister and brother were moved around a lot before they were adopted by my family, and it's hard. I really wish you the best, and I hope this helps. God bless.
-Lee

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i would stay with the foster fam.

Laura D

Hyper religious people are really annoying. I know by experience as the daughter of one. They will lecture you and preach to you every day of your life, at every opportunity they get. They also see everything you do and will be on your back if you're not living in a Godly way. They might force you to go to church against your will, after they have converted you. They will also not allow you to do things that religious people don't do. All they talk about is church and God and religious and seriously, you are going to get sick of hearing it. I suggest you explain to them that you are attached to your foster family since you know them better and have bonded with them. Don't feel bad because you can still get to you and visit your grandparents ... but I would not recommend moving in with them.

Please Be Mine! From Rose

From hat i can sse, it seems like you should follow your heart and go with whatever makes you comfortable. you have to remember that love and respect are really important issues in everyone life. It seems that with your real parents your not getting any, and with your foster parents all seems fair.so i would stick it out with them and be happy with how i feel. Your real parents should not feel hurt because of the way you were treated.

Tilden J.

Honey, there is nothing wrong with religion. If you don't have faith, you have nothing. Maybe you should develop your own personal relationship with God. You might be surprised, and even learn to appreciate your Grandparents.

Rhonda

You can always go back to your (foster) family if you don't like your grandparents. Or, if you don't want to leave, then just don't! Go with what your happy with.

StickToMe<3

It's your choice. I would stay away from the grandparents though. I would stay at the foster care

you feel loved there... so there you go. love's all you need :)

DESisSMARTsmart

omg thats sooooo sad. i'm 13 and my best friend is going thro the same kind of thing......her dad was shot, mom alcoholic.....her aunt and uncle want her, but she in a foster home. shes gonna choose to stay with the foster family, but visit he aunt and uncle often.
i REALLY hope i helped. if u want i can give u her email address.

sweethoney785

i would choose my super religious grand peeps

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