If you relinquished a child and gave them up for adoption, over time, did your family ever talk about them?

magic pointe shoes

Yep, all of my son's biological grandparents have wanted the photo update contact too. His parents are very kind by including them with the bi-annual updates. Still, there is an elephant in the room when it comes to my son. It's not so much he is a secret, but because of the hurt feelings of what was said and unsaid when I was relinquishing, they feel it's better to let me bring up when to talk about my son and not dismiss what I'm saying anymore. I don't think that they realized at all the impact on all of our relationships that encouraging relinquishment would have in such a hurting way.

We have not reunited, so I can't speak to that question.

You are preaching to the choir with your additional details. My great-grandmother also had to relinquish her child for adoption and the after effects are still here.

romeochewy

My mom was with me through the pregnancy and very supportive. Was in the hospital room with me during the delivery. My whole family knew. My sister and mom told me later that the day she was born they wanted me to keep her, but didn't tell me til later because they supported my decision to place her. They also knew it was pure emotions that brought them to that decision, and it was right in mine. Over the years, my mom has talked about her some. I think about her almost daily. I did visit with the family a few years ago, but I was friend of the family--she was not told yet I was her birth mom. Although she has always known she was adopted.
I will have my reunion soon, and my whole family wants to meet her and get to know her. Of course, that is completely up to her.

Not Adopted

Elephant in the room. Part of the "get over it and move on" mind set.

Not healthy in any way.

I hope to expand the reunion to include everyone.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

My family and I speak often of the son I gave up. it wasn't an open adoption but it was never "hidden" either

Sly

Never in the rest of my mother's life, or my father;s life was my son ever mentioned again. He was the giant elephant in the room that everyone knew was there, but politely agreed not to mention so we tiptoed around it for over 20 years and then they died. A few years later, my son found me. I spoke to my sister about it, and she didn't know a thing about the loss. She thought that I didn't like her, and that was why I went away. She spent her whole life trying to make up to me for being so unlikeable. My brother, when I mentioned him, told me that my Mother had really had a hard time with me being gone. She suffered, he said. I said, GOOD! I am glad that she suffered. I hope she was miserable, and that she spends a lot of time in the waiting room for heaven, because she has a lot to atone for before going on in. My father too, I believe. Neither one met my son, neither one got to know him. But, they would have been astonished at how awful their decision turned out for both of us.

MamaKate

My son and daughter are a part of my DAILY life and often a subject of conversation with my family. Even though their APs refuse to honor their promises and keep us in the children's lives, they are ALWAYS a part of ours. We have their pictures up with the rest of the family and they will have a box full of birthday, holiday and just "We love you" letters to read when and if they choose reunion. My boys know all about their brother and sister and we talk about them regularly and honestly.

But even with my families open attitude about all this there is still an "elephant in the room". There is a lot of anger towards the APs, concerns about the children and guilt issues for everyone that are not discussed very much because there is little we can do about it.

wild_lostgirl1105

hi. i did the same with my son but he is almost 2 and I have him back now. and i got pictures of him the whole and videos i didnt miss a thing.

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