If you struggle with adoption and feel?

MelzMom

When I was in seventh grade, my parents took me to adoption counselling when I was having some questions about why she gave me away. The counselling helped me realize several things, one being that it wasn't about me. It was about her. She was very young and when i was her age and realized that i could of been in her same situation, then I understood. She was just too young to be a parent.
I'm lucky i guess. I don't feel loss because of my adoption. I know why she did it and I don't blame her.

Isabel A

I don't struggle with loss either since I found my natural mother and learned the truth behind her relinquishment of me.
It was like a weight had been lifted.
But I was lucky, the first thing my mother told me when we reunited was that she always loved me and she always wanted me. Her reasons for relinquishment were complex and heavy and not something I will go into here but she did it with great guilt and remorse.
It was very validating to learn the truth even though some of it was ugly. It was my truth.
Reunion didn't heal me but it helped me on my road.
I have been to therapy, I have a wonderful support group of fellow adoptees that I met online but now am fortunate to know in real life. We have barbecues! And we laugh a lot.
I've learned through my reunion that I had to heal myself. Neither of my mothers could heal my adoption pain but they both have given me a tremendous amount of support in their own ways.
Knowing the truth of my past helped me in that but having support of friends and family, blogging and getting to know my biological family was all a part of it.
We adoptees who do feel loss, we have to find our own ways, ourselves.
My a brother feels like you, he feels no need to search and he feels no loss. I respect his opinions because they are his and he feels the same way towards me. He would never search himself but he understood my need to without judgement. And he has been there for me throughout.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
The more everyone argues about who's way is the right way, the more we are divided.

sunny

I found my family.

I'm one of those people who believes in getting to the root of a problem, instead of treating the symptoms.

I no longer "struggle" with my own adoption. I'm here to help others avoid my fate if possible.

I hope you get help with your own "struggles". Finding your real family might help bring even more sunshine into your life.

BOTZ

What I am doing, Suzy, is the best I can. That involves many things, personal and professional, that I will NOT put "out here" for your judgment. One of the most healing things -- which, based on your Q&A history, you will probably not believe -- is reuniting with my mother. My NATURAL mother. It has healed my relationship with my adoptive parents, too.

What are YOU doing? You who feel no loss?

Uh, Suzy...it's BOTZ...not "boyz". Get some reading glasses.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

the ONLY way for me to start to heal was to find my real mother. period.

sorry, suzy, but my aparents taught me to use the term "real mother". if you have a problem with that, take it up with them.

PhilM

Why should I "accept" adoption? Do you ask people who have been abused if they "accept" their abuse?

And "real mother" is hate speech? I'm sorry. But you don't get to tell me who my real mother is. It's called "HONEST ADOPTION LANGUAGE." You would do well to educate yourself a bit more.

You have some very real problems, Suzy. I'm worried about you. Your need to constantly berate those who disagree with you indicates a lack of love in your childhood.

As for my "recovery," this isn't about my recovery. This is about educating a society that has been brainwashed into believing adoption is a good thing. (Your questions and answers are a prime example of the problem at hand.)

The brain

Why are you in so much denial? You need some assistance to come out of your denial...and your anger might subside.

Gershom

roflol

If you "don't" feel that LOSING ( remember losing = lost something ) your first family impacted your life at all, and are threatened ( because clearly you are, you can't stop insulting those who feel differently than you ) by other perspectives on adoptions impact on adoptees, then I think its YOU who needs the help.

What are YOU doing to assist in your stability?

LaurieDB

Suzy, you're happy with things as they are. Therefore, why can you not just simply allow others their own experiences? Why must you continue to harangue with such questions? In the vernacular, "What's it to you?" Go on and enjoy your life.

I had a sense of wanting to know my entire past and both sets of parents involved in it. I have that now, and I'm satisfied. My concern is for those being adopted now, considering relinquishment now and adopting now. I don't believe anyone should have to be put into a position of not knowing something as fundamental as his or her roots in scenarios where those are known factors.

mscstudent25

I was adopted. It was hard for me to actually grasp the concept of not being wanted. I always wanted to know who my birth parents were...to know if I got my music talent from them...or my art skills. it's hard not knowing where your roots are. I was in counseling when I was little. It didn't help too much. I just kept to myself mostly until I got to highschool and college...join clubs..organizations not affiliated with your situation..it should help ease the pain.

Independ"ant"

Many are trying to find their "real" moms SS. I don't think any amt. of therapy or brainwashing can make them forget the maternal bond they feel. Didn't the agency advise you of this and suggest you support it instead of trying to manipulate or emotionally abuse your a-children.

a healing adoptee

why aren't u in therapy? Obviously u need it more than most. u are constantly on here putting down and insulting adoptees in your questions and answers. I think it would do u some good to take a pill and go into counseling, if u can't do anything but make fun of others.
oh by the way consider your question to be reported for it's hatefulness towards adoptees on here.

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