If you think adoption is a wonderful thing?

Not Adopted

I think all people who LOVE adoption should pop out a baby for someone else. Wouldn't that be a beautiful christmas gift?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i wouldn't part with one of my pets, let alone a child.

Lori A

Maybe you didn't make it plain enough since some don't seem to understand the question.

My answer NO. I could not part with either of my boys. But I may be biased since I did part with my daughter. (the obvious reason why I can not part with any of my other children.) I feel very bad for people who can not have children of their own but no I would not offer up one of mine because of it.

Gaia Raain II

My bff and I had agreed to be each other's surrogate in the event that one of us couldn't get pregnant. Then she had a child. At the time, I didn't understand why she had changed her mind. Um. Duh.

Lisa

Heck no i would not give up my child to someone else.

MamaKate

Dear Lillie,

I am one of the people who USED to think adoption was wonderful. I was brought up to believe that children did not "belong" to people; that "it takes a villiage' and that children were meant to be shared. (People cannot be "owned".) I was told that adoption was a "gift" and was even told that I was almost a "gift" for an infertile Aunt. I had many people in my life who were involved in "wunnerful" adoptive situations. I was young and it never occurred to me that they were all Adoptive Parents and young adoptees who really weren't old enough to express how they felt. (I have since learned many of them had issues with adoption.) I loved movies like "Annie" and "Oliver" as a child and was always presented with the "rainbow" side of adoption.

When I was 20 and in college, I (& my then fiance) had a boy for "friends" who had been trying to conceive for nine years with no luck. (I was totally capable of raising him, but seriously thought I was doing something beautiful.) They had promised me he would not be an only child - they would adopt again.

I was "MamaKate" to him for two years. We had weekly phone calls, we sent pictures, etc WE SHARED HIM.

Although it was not my intention, they told me was told I was an angel, beyond generous, that I had given them such gifts that they could never repay me, that I would always be the children's Mother, that we would always be family, etc. blah, blah, blah...

Then they told me that they didn't feel that it would be "fair" to the other child to have a different Mama than my son. What if she wasn't like me? What if she (and the father) wouldn't call or visit? What if she didn't love her child like I loved my son? They couldn't keep their promise that they could adopt again unless it was WITH ME.

I felt I had no choice. My husband and I agreed after to have a second child for them. We had our/their daughter when I was 22. As soon as the adoption of our daughter was finalized, my husband and I received a letter telling from them us that "We are now the parents." They moved and changed their phone number.

I was devastated. (As was my entire family.) I attempted suicide and failed. I wanted to die. But then I realized that death would make sure that my story was never known, that this could happen to other children and their families, that if the children searched they would not have answers and I would never be able to tell them again that I love them - more than life itself. That I could never tell the truth or apologize or be there IF they ever needed me. I thought about fighting back and realized that it would only hurt the children. That it might make them hate me. So I had to find another way...

Then I started seeking more information. I read everything I could, I talked to people who live it, I did research. What I learned shocked and horrified me. I learned so much about the problems in adoption and what I had done. I wish I had known then what I know now.
(I started to make a list but it would be pages long.)

I would NEVER give away another child and I am doing everything I can to learn, to share, to be prepared for the possible issues we and my children could face in the future. I am not against adoption, per se, but I think it needs a GREAT deal of reform.

I now know that Adoption should ONLY happen when NECESSARY for the BENEFIT OF THE CHILD. I support ETHICAL, NECESSARY ADOPTION. (Cases of abuse, neglect and true orphans.)

I made a permanent mistake. I cannot take it back. I can only go forward with hope and prepare for the future. In the meantime, I am listening, learning, hoping to educate and working for reform.

I DID "give the gift" and it cost me AND the CHILDREN entirely too much. I would NEVER do it again and I would NEVER encourage someone else to do the same.

sunny

NO ONE is better suited to raise my children than me, and NO ONE was better suited to raise me than my mama.

Too bad the conventional wisdom of early 1960's America thought otherwise.

Laurel J

If I had a child, that child would be torn out of my cold dead hands.

How interesting that so many people believe relinquishment can't happen to good people like them who know how to parent. It just doesn't happen, does it? Nobody ever gave up a child they didn't want to get rid of.

AdoptionLand: a colony of FantasyLand. It's just south of Candy Land, west of the Post-Feminist Society, and east of Post-Racial America.

Isabel A

Yes adoption is a WONDERFUL thing, isn't it?
Did you know that unicorns fart rainbows every time someone says the word adoption?

And they smell like strawberries!

kidmindi

No. I am perfectly able to care for the children I have. Children are not gifts.

That being said, I do believe there are times when the parents who birthed the children are not capable of raising them and so the children should be placed with a family who can care for them

Linny G

To sizesmith: you wrote, As for adopted kids who end up murderers and serial killers, many of those have a difference in their DNA, which can be linked to behavior, which isn't because they were adopted or not, but because they came from their first parents.

Yeah, let's blame the first parents. While some murderers have been diagnosed with depression, their relinquishment contributed greatly to their crimes. Feelings of inadequacy, abandonment, etc. Look up some of the most notorious killers in history, and almost all of them had "mommy issues". Their environment has everything to do with their crimes. I guess you can blame THAT on the first parents, too, as they made the choice (willingly or unwillingly) to surrender their child. Another reason why adoption should be the last resort.

Rowan

no.

liveitup676

What kind of question is this? What makes adoption wonderful is giving a home to a child who NEEDS a home--not taking a child who already has a perfectly good home.. If a couple is unable to have children and would like to adopt, then there are an endless number of kids out there available.

?????????

Flying Monkey #073177

Why not? Crack-Beasts like me have no feelings so it isn't like I would be put out in any way and maybe I could make myself a tidy little sum by extorting the adopters the way they extort the pregnant.

Carol c

Absolutely not. I was already bamboozled into giving up my son back in the 60's just because I was young; and I never got over the trauma. Neither did he, in my opinion - neither of us are the people we could have been.

If I had a life-threatening disease, I would make arrangements for my child to be raised by another family member -perhaps a legalized guardianship.

Arissa J

only if i could not care for the children

Steve K.

I believe that CERTAIN adoptions are wonderful, such as for children that are TRULY orphaned. There are infants that are truly orphaned (eg, Mom dies in childbirth after daddy abandons her and flees to Tahiti to avoid child support, and there aren't any relatives available that aren't crackheads or pedophiles), but that's really rare. Foster care kids and overseas kids are much more likely to be TRULY orphaned.

As for my situation right now?

I'm 20, getting married in a week, and my bride and I have been saving ourselves until our wedding night, so pregnancy isn't going to happen at this moment unless Jesus Christ has decided to return.

BUT, if we wound up with a honeymoon baby, would I keep it, even though I have another 2 years to go on my Bachelor's (she's done with her degree this semester)? Yes, we would. No question about it.

Granted, it'd be tough, but you know what? We've tried to safeguard against how tough it could be. I've worked to obtain my EMT license, and I've got a background in business management. Rachel is a PCA and a licensed psych coordinator for childcare. Even if I had to drop out of college for a bit, both of us have resumes that could land us better-than-minimum-wage jobs. Not necessarily well paying jobs, but enough to put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads, gas in the car and for co-pays for any pediatrician visits with a little extra to use for enjoyment and part-time tuition bills. We'd be able to support a child fine, but only because we've both worked on expanding our marketable skills.

Personally, I really think building a resume is something EVERYONE should do. It not only safeguards you from if you have a child suddenly and you need to drop everything and find a job that pays more than $5.15 an hour or whatever minimum wage is, but also, if you lose the job you've been trained to do, you have other options to run to in case you can't find a job for several months. It's something people owe to themselves, their spouse, their kids, and any kids they might (accidently) have.

Sophie

Hell no. But many parents do and I do not judge them for it.

Indian-vision(un-blocked)

If i was unable to care for my child due to emotional incapablity, financial incapablity, due to society taboo, disablity that makes me unable to do justice to a child, or many other reasons why people choose adoption. Yes i would choose adoption.

kateiskate

No way!!! I have enough separation anxiety as an adoptee. I won't add another layer to my baggage and give that to a baby.

A's Momma

That's not how adoption works. Adoption is, yes, a gift but it is not done when a family is capable of caring for their child. Adoption is done when a family/woman is not able for whatever reason.

But to answer your question, right this instant, no, I would not give up my child. In my situation, my husband and I are very capable. However, if it were just me, and I was younger, say, 10 years younger, then yes, I would give a baby up for adoption.

abriekohs

I know many people who work in the foriegn adoption field and have seen many miracles. Life given to children otherwise not expected to live past the age of four or five, parents who take these children home and give them the proper medical attention they need; a child that otherwise would have been stuck in a dirty orphanage with not enough food to feed all of the children, nor enough clothes in the harshest of winters. Many of these children are found outside all alone in the street or in the cold--abandoned. Would you like to say that these children are better off where they are? Yes, there is always the chance that some crazy people decide to adopt and somehow are able to pass their homestudy, but it is important to remember that the adoption process is meant for good. It is a way to help those in need.

BUT... if you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please do not hesitate to contact the proper authorities and professional counseling. This is a serious matter and should not be taken lightly.

sizesmith

If I ever did what my son's mother did to him, I'd pray to God that someone would take him away and make sure he got to be adopted.

And no, not nearly as many adoptive parents abuse and kill their children. Quite the opposite according to state statistics in our state. Very rarely is a child taken into foster care that is adopted in our state although it sadly does happen. I do think that some checks need to be done to make sure that an adoptive parent does not mentally abuse, not by choice, but by subconscious, because that too can happen.

As for adopted kids who end up murderers and serial killers, many of those have a difference in their DNA, which can be linked to behavior, which isn't because they were adopted or not, but because they came from their first parents.

I know for a fact that my adopted son has a better life than he would have with his first parent. They gave him up, they didn't want him, and they even said that if something ever happened to me, would they want him back, along with everything I had and an income to raise him, and they refused. Yes, I'm for adoption, and at least my son has been saved from people who get pregnant to manipulate other people and use babies to do so.

gibberish

Yes it is wonderful! If I were single and alone without a loving husband to support me without a home to support my child yes I would consider allowing another to raise my child.

ozboz48

If I was unable to care for mine, ill or dead, yes. That's how adoption works.

All the best.

Theresu

Yes i would, and my son is a happyer person, still has issues from the past but hey hes doing fine,

furfur

I think it is a double edged sword. Adoptive parents get the positive experience of parenting, but the child must deal with loss as does the natural parent(s).

Right now, would I give my child to someone just because? No. That is not an appropriate reason to give a child away. However if the first parent cannot or does not want to care for the child, then by choosing adoption at leas the child is not left in an abusive situation. There are too many examples in the papers these days of parent's going off the deep end and killing or abusing their child. As a school teacher I have seen abuse first hand as well and it really is not a pretty sight.

the BABY

I don't think it's wonderful, but I don't think it's a bad option either.

It gives hope to homeless/orphaned (with parents that died) in Africa.

There are good and bad with adopting. My aunt and uncle chose to put their names on the birth certificate of the child when she was born. I'm not against it so I'm just really curious as to why some people seem to be really against it? Anyway, it's not your life, it's theirs.

elaeblue

No but I can take care of my children. Some people can not. Look when it comes to adoption - some people cannot take care of a child but do not want to abort. I can understand that. And if they cannot take care of the child then the kid is better off adopted.

You sound like a bitter person who has had some troubles - no I would not give my child up but like I said I can take care of them.

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