If you were writing a book for adoptee's what would be important subject/issues you would most want addressed?

Santa's Lil' Helper

I would like to see a book explaining adoption to young children that could be used to educate other children who are NOT adopted. Get it out in the open.

Freckle Face

Ed C.
I don't know how you do age cause each child is different. So will do a before adoption category and after adoption category.

Before adoption:

1) Why open adoption is better

2) Something about never disrespect the first parents to child.

3) Importance of culture and heritage.

4) Importance of the name first family gave the child if applicable.

5)

After adoption:

1) How to bond with child.

2) Correct terminology such as not using "chosen".

3) When to speak to child about adoption.

4) How to speak to child about adoption.

5) How to express connection to child without (lack of better word insulting? belittling her role? kwim?) first mom.

6) Don't expect the child to be like you, genetically different.

7) How to help a child who has no one to mirror in their immediate family.

8) What is an appropriate relationship with the first family?

9) How to handle the anger a child might feel towards being adopted.

10) Importance of not being only adopted child in family.

11)How to address being teased at school. re adoption

12) What if first family stops contact?

13) What to say to child who says they wish they weren't adopted?

14) How to make sure you are not putting the child in the middle or having to choose between afamily and ffamily.

15) What to say to the child when they find out they are the only sibling placed for adoption within their first family.

16)How to deal with anger child has directed towards first mother for choosing adoption?

That all i can think of off the top of my head. Got to run pick my girls up from school. Great question and I hope i helped. Email me any time to discuss further.

Sorry if i write too much spell check doesn't work.

deleteme

For the Parents who adopt the Child not to be petty and jealous if the Child decides to look up the birth Parents.

Harry O

I would write a chapter on whether or how to allow the birth family members to participate in the children's lives. My brother and sister have eached adopted children. No contact is allowed in my brother's case. The children's names and SS#'s have been changed. In my sister's case the birth grandmother is allowed limited supervised visitation.

rachael

i havent read the other posts, so if i repeat im sorry
1. honesty, at all costs.
2. acceptance of different styles and interests
3. educating non adopted children about adoption (i am having this problem right now)
4. searching has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE APARENTS
5. respect and sensitivity about bparents
6. being different is ok, pointing out differences all the time is not.
7. i am not a 'gift' from or to anyone. dont treat me as such.

theres more, but im tired and thats all i got for right now.

wildflower

Try to address the subject of people who do not accept the adopted child as their extended family. I've seen this happen and it is very sad. Some people even leave adopted children out of obituaries as part of the surviving family. Or grandparents that are partial to their blood grandchildren. These are problems that exist.

sizesmith

People need patience, and the easiest way to adopt is to somehow find your own birth mother, whether through someone you know, who knows someone, or just being in the right place at the right time. AND, that if the birth mother changes her mind, and decides to keep the baby, that they shouldn't make her feel guilty. The entire idea of being a parent, whether adopted, or natural (I'm both), is to love the child, and hope for the best it's life can be, no matter what. Sometimes, if you offer to still be in contact, maybe help her out with a crib, she later realizes that she can't, and by working together with you, you still might get the baby.
Adoption is a gift of love. The mother who gives a child up, even if for selfish reasons, loves the child enough to see that it gets the best home that she herself is unable to provide, whether financially, emotionally, mentally, or even physically. It is often the mother who loves her baby the most, that gives it up, although it is hard for a child to understand that, hopefully one day it will.

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