If your dream was to become parents through adoption, would you...?

Angela R

We chose adoption, giving money to our children's first mothers would have done nothing to change to social stigma in Korea concerning single mothers, and wouldn't have prevented our children from being relinquished.

I think when a woman chooses to place her child for adoption, the reasons are often more complicated then not having enough money to meet their child's basic needs, especially in the US where there are many financial assistance programs for mothers in poverty.

I do wonder how many people who dream of having biological children (and are capable of doing so), would be willing to give up becoming a parent and use the money that would have gone to raising their children, to a mother who they feel is less fortunate.

BTW- I have helped several young/ single mothers by giving them baby clothes/ supplies, and baby-sitting for thei children for free so they could work or go to school, they were all recieving enough assistance to meet their basic needs.

monkeykitty83

I don't see why the two would be mutually exclusive...?

Like you say, adoption is not the same as giving to charity. I think it would set a bad example for our children (whether they're adopted or biological) if they never saw us doing anything charitable. I think it's important to teach our children about giving to others, and the only way to teach that is by example. I think we should all be doing some kind of charitable giving (which can be our time or in-kind donations, doesn't have to be money) whether or not we adopt.

However, as I said in the other question, I'm wary about outright donating money to strangers. Not necessarily even because I think they would lie to me, but because not everyone has learned money-management skills, so it wouldn't always be the most helpful. I would be most comfortable either providing financial help to a struggling family I knew personally, so I could be sure the money would really be used for the children; for me to give money, there would need to be some level of trust there. Or, if I didn't know them, I'd rather volunteer time for things like childcare and mentoring, or to give them items they would need, like baby stuff, food, diapers, household goods, etc.

However, while I think we should all be doing charitable giving of some kind (even people who have flat out no money can volunteer a little bit of time each week,) I don't think it replaces the fact that some children genuinely do need permanent homes-- and adoption SHOULD be about children who are in need. I don't think this should be an either/or situation.

IDK!!

I agree, but I still don't think that adoption and abortion are completely unrelated.

I think is appalling that ANYONE is allowed to bank off of adoption. I say make it a social service and this wouldn't even be a discussion.

Mommy of Three to Be!

If it was my dream to become a PARENT through adoption, I would adopt a child.

Not really sure what this question means. :(

Randy B

If it was my dream to do so, and it was, I'd follow my dream, which I did - twice.

That's not stopped me from supporting various causes that I deem appropriate, some of this help struggling parents and families through various means.
++++++++++++++++++
Hey Botz , don't go assigning any blame to me for any thumbs downs you may have gotted. I don't participate in such childish ratings of questions.

LaurieDB

The two don't compare when the choice is to either adopt as a dream to become parents or to give to a financially strapped family.

There was a previous question that gave a different scenario-- one choice was to give to someone else's potential adoption fund and the other choice was to give to a financially strapped family with a newborn. The question allowed the answerer to only choose one.

This question is clearly a different scenario altogether. In this scenario, it is about one's own dream vs. giving to another family. It's not about choosing which of two families to financially aid.

Obviously, if a person wants to adopt, he can still help others in need.

Now, if a person states he is adopting solely to "help a poor child" then I can see where the waters could muddy. There is a comparison. It would then be about what is best for the child: helping the child's family or adopting the child.

But, if a person is honestly stating a desire to adopt in order to build a family, then the comparison doesn't work. This is because only one of the options is charitable and the other option is about fulfilling one's dream.

Mei-Ling

Wouldn't it be better to support a mother that wants her child rather than to adopt the child?

Is this question indicating long-term or a short-term struggle?

BOTZ

If it was my dream to do so, I would re-examine my dream. Mostly because I was adopted and I would have to seriously wonder about my own well-being if I "dreamed" of inflicting that kind of hurt on someone else -- especially someone helpless.

If the "dream" was to do some genuine good for a truly needy child, I MIGHT adopt an older child, already legally free, from foster care. I MIGHT foster children with the intent to give them a safe, consistent place to live while waiting to go home, I MIGHT donate time, money, good, services, etc. to a charity that I had researched enough to know that they help children without adding hurt, I MIGHT give my money to a struggling mother instead of adopting... I MIGHT do a combination of these things.

I MIGHT do any of the above (have done many of them) but I would NEVER ask for another adult to give ME money to support my choice. It would be MY choice and MINE ALONE to fund.

The adoption vs. charity question, that you're trying to turn around here, is not about whether someone would adopt or donate to charity. It's about whether someone would DONATE to another's adoption or donate to a family-preservation charity (or to a natural family directly).

Nice try, though.

ETA
Hey, Randy: Thanks for the thumbs down. Let me clarify anyway. I'm saying I wouldn't inflict MY pain in adoption onto another. You have stated time and time again that your adoption (the adoption of YOU) was not painful to you. I believe you. Why wouldn't I? In that case, you don't have any "adoption pain" to inflict on another. So, your choice to adopt makes sense for you. You gained from being adopted, as you've stated. You adopted (I'm assuming, from things you've said) to share what you've gained, or what you have, with others. Good for you. That's wonderful. I'm sure it's wonderful for your kids, too. I hope, in all sincerity, that they will have no pain in adoption, as you've had none. I was talking ONLY about inflicting MY OWN personal pain on someone else. Not about other people's motivation -- just mine.

LaraSue

I agree!!!

Precious Love

i would love to adopt but i with the money i'd have to put out i rather just give it to a struggling mother.

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