Im 71/2 months preg.w/ 2nd child feeling unattached .even considering adoption?

Heather B

Sounds like a classic case of ante-natal depression and there is help.

If you go to an adoption agency they will take full advantage of your frame of mind and get your baby from you, which is not necessarily a decision you are able to make in this state.

Read up about ante-natal depression and what you can do to help yourself. See link below

Dudeman's Mum

Sorry, if you re looking for sympathy it wont come from me.

This is all I read-
alien
seed of chuckie
incubating
depressed weepy upset
ANGRY
really feels like MY life is over
angry at a child

wow..... listen to yourself. Take some responsibility. I feel sorry for your unborn BABY.

kidmindi

Ok first off, have you considered therapy? Seriously it sounds like you have some issues to be addressed that have nothing to do with the child you are carrying.

Secondly, wait until the child is born. Once you have held him/her see if you still feel the same way. I had a friend who got pregnant with her 4th child unexpectedly and was angry the whole time (altho she never called it the seed of chucky). She was really afraid she wouldn't love it as much as she did her others. Well when she held him she fell in love immediately.

If after your baby is born, you still have hostility towards it, maybe you should consider placing it. No child should be raise by a person who hates it.

NannyPam

First I would recommend getting some counseling for yourself (and for the sake of your 9 year old). Depression can be an illness (just like the flu) and there is help. Sometimes people need help getting through the rough times in their life. A good therapist can help you sort out your feelings and help you come to decisions you can live with without feeling guilty. A good therapist should also be able to link you up with a support group and agencies that can help you in your financial situation.

If, after all, you still don't feel like you can bond with your child, talk to someone at an adoption agency. It is not a decision that you should take lightly, but it is your decision (as long as the father is willing to sign off-at least in my state). If you still feel that this is the best choice for you and your baby, then do it. There are many loving couples who are anxious to adopt a baby and give it a home.

michyme

Wow I am so sorry. You really sound like you are hurting. Since you cry every time you think of adoption I don't really think you want to go that way. Sounds like depression. You should talk to your OB I know there is one kind of depression medicine that you can take while pregnant. Believe it or not it can help. If you just need someone to talk to you are more then welcome to talk to me. I think I would put adoption to the side right now and work on the getting rid of depression first. You might feel completely different once it is gone. You have a lot on your plate and it is perfectly understandable to be stressed out.

crzymmof8

Talk to a counselor or call an adoption agency who has a counselor that you can talk to. They can help you with your decisions. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. You are the only one who can make such a huge decision. I do not see why everyone seems to judge people who are considering adoption as bad. It has to be what is best for you and your child.

drkangel210e

I would start the process of adoption, but wait until you've had the child to decide. Also, if this is some sort of chemically induced depression, you should deal with that before making any decisions. If you change your mind after having the baby, that's just fine. Don't let anyone pressure your into giving up your child if you don't want to.

That said, if you still feel that it's the 'seed of chucky' etc. after it's born, adoption might not be such a bad idea.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

I honestly think that before you even consider adoption, you need to focus your energies on getting through your pregnancy and finding some coping strategies to help with your symptoms of depression. First step is to talk with a doctor that you feel comfortable with, and who will support you in being involved with decisions about your own health and well being.
Do you have a good support network of family and friends? If so then lean on them. Let them know that because of your hormones and feelings at them moment you're concerned about attachment and how you will cope with parenting.

Having doubts about coping as a parent does NOT mean you can't make a good parent. It simply means that you take your child's welfare seriously and are trying to planning ahead. Adoption is of course an option that's available to anybody if they truly cannot or will not parent, but in your case in sounds like the difficulties you're having are internal, not external. Take it one step at a time and tackle each hurdle as you reach it. Then when you get to the stage of parenting, seek out resources to support you in your parenting decisions, whatever they may be.

Oh and I really don't mean to tell you how you feel, but I've heard many, many women say they felt distant or unattached while pregnant, but as soon as they saw their babies it all changed. Just something to think about. :-)
Good luck.

xlinzx88x

incubating? grow the f*ck up. i'm 21 with a 1 year old and even I was willing to take responsibility when it seemed like his father would not. I never thought of him as an "alien" or "seed of chucky". Yeah, times are tough but they can always change. You're quite a bit older than I am and you're acting irresponsibly. Get counseling, see if you need to pop a few happy pills and act like a real woman. You're a mother, time to step up and act like one! God d@mn....adoption is not birth control, it is not a solution, its your way out of taking responsibility.

leila

Contact a local adoption agency, they have counselors who can help you decide if this is for you. The last thing they want is an adoptive mom to decide 30 days after she gave up the baby that she wants him/her back. Also consult your doc to make sure it's not the baby blues (depression). I think adoption is the best choice for you- whether you were having mixed feelings or not. You can't support a child and a loving home is best. If you are still undecided at birth the baby can go into foster care temporarily until you decide.

sizesmith

Adoption is a choice, and if you choose to go this route, even if you think you don't want contact now, it would be a better choice to choose an open adoption than a closed one. I know some parents actually do honor open adoption (I know, we do). Make sure you keep a copy of anything you do sign, especially the consent to adopt forms, which should have a way to stop the adoption in the event you do change your mind. For instance, in our state, a parent has 10 days after the birth of a baby to change their mind. In other states, you can't sign consent until the baby is born, and at the moment the papers are signed, you can never go back.

You have rights you need to know about. You have the right to interview the people who are going to be the parents of your child, if you decide to place the baby. You have the right to see their home, meet their other children (if they have any), and meet their family around them. You should receive a copy of a certified home study, done by a licensed social worker, who has been in the home of the adoptive parents, interviewed them, and who is trained to foresee part of how their parenting ideas are.

I also urge you to talk to your doctor about how you feel. Hormonal changes are a big part of pregnancy, and clinical depression can be worsened with pregnancy symptoms. No matter what you decide, research everything you can, to make sure you know your legal rights. Good luck!

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