In reunion, how many are close to their first fathers or even know them and if not why not?

PhilM

I don't know my first father. (I know his name, and where he lives.) He has so far refused to return any of my attempts at contact. No reason has been offered by anyone. My mom has even tried writing him. So far, nothing. Not even a "go away."

It bothers me quite a bit. But I'm not angry at my mom. She has been great. I cannot understand a person who won't even acknowledge their child. I don't blame her, for any of this situation.

I do think fathers are let off the hook far too often in our society. We idealize mothers, so they can fall further. We give fathers little respect, and thus expect less from them. (And then, they get less respect. It's a vicious cycle.)

I do think, independent of the mothers versus father issue, it's easier to be angry with the people that are around than at the people that aren't. Single parents often seem to face this, whatever the story.

I do feel for you. It's not fair. When it comes to adoption, it seems nothing is.

birthdad in hell

As a biodad who said no to adoption and is 2yrs. into the fight i'm not sure i qualify to answer. i never left, her mom gave her up at birth so she could reunite with her ex. Madison knows me. she's only two but i am daddy despite the fact that i only see her 16 hours a month if the potentials decide to bring her. i do understand the problem. mothers get the brunt of the anger because it is them that relinquish rights(whether forced,coerced, or voluntarily) unlike the deadbeat dad syndrome that so infects and is accepted by our society, the mom is the one who should have stepped up and said no. mom is the one who bore me. mom is the one who hid it from me for so long.mom is the one who was there and could have stepped up but didn't. having never met my bio dad i can't really blame him. he didn't know. my mom did.i'm 35 and still argue with and blame my mom to some extent for not telling me sooner( i learned at 16), she also kept me from meeting him, not for my sake but her own and my dad(her husbandthat helped raise me and my half siblings). by the time i was old enough to look myself and leave her out of it it was to late my bio dad was dead. this is me but who would you blame?

dory

I have a very good relationship with my father. Not all men walked away. My mother left him - he love her beyond all reason and they were engaged. She never even told him she was pregnant - she just left and broke his heart. He never knew about me yet welcomed me into his life.

I also have a good relationship with my mother - probably because I keep my anger to myself. But yes, I'm pissed at her for not telling him, for not giving him the chance to raise me, for not being willing to talk with me about what happened, for still keeping me a secret from her son, and for not keeping me.

But I stuff that all away and smile and tell her I love her - because I do - she's my mother.

I think mother's are on the receiving end of a lot of the anger because it is just inconceivable to some how a woman could carry a child for 9 months, bond in utero, and not fight with their life to keep their baby.

Not all single pregnant women relinquished in the 60s.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

he's my only parental connection since my first mother can't stand the sight of me.

Mei-Ling

I don't think I qualify to answer this as I'm a transracial adoptee and my father does not speak the same language as me, not even to mention that if he did, it would be a hell of a challenge to have discussions because of the insane time differences and lifestyles.

But to summarize, I think it has to do more with the original mother having psychologically bonded with the infant during the process of pregnancy. The father (sometimes) stands there and offers moral support (I know this isn't always true, sometimes the father doesn't even want anything to have to do with the infant even after it's born), but he isn't really "connected" to the infant the way the mother has been for the past nine months.

P.S. If I'm wrong and the father actually does experience symptoms while the baby is being born or whatever (NOT including the shared pregnancy "symptoms" that can alternate between partners), please do correct me. ^^

sizesmith

We have offered for our son's adoption to be totally open, and yet his mother doesn't ever visit, unless she's asking us for something. The first dad visits, and even remembered and came to his first birthday party. Dad's mother (Memaw) also visits as does his kids.

Our door will always be open to her, as long as she's not being mean or hateful, and we're thrilled his 1st dad comes.

LaurieDB

I am extremely close to my first father, and my entire extended first family on his side. He searched for me. I also searched for him. We've been back together for 7 years now. He may not have raised me, but we have a pretty special connection and relationship. He didn't walk away. Actually, my first parents were married, even prior to my conception. Our family's situation was an unusual one. I wasn't relinquished until 13 months of age.

JennaBear

my mother told my father that he would 'never amount to anything' and so he finally left her...3 years after my relinquishment. i have a relationship with him and not with her, because she is an alcoholic and can't carry on a conversation. it's sad because i wanted to be close to both of them, but that's just not the case.

Wundt

My daughter's best friend was adopted. According to my daughter, it is an open adoption not with her biological mother, but rather with her biological father. She talks to her biological father, and a sibling adopted by another family, regularly. I don't know the details of why she doesn't want anything to do with her biological mother, but has said she has no interest in pursuing a relationship with her.

Phoenix

My bio dad didn't walk away from my bio mom, but when she decided to give me up for adoption, he supported her. He offered to support her if she wanted to keep me, but she refused. By the sound of it, it was her decision to give me up and I'm angry about that, but he didn't offer to keep me either, so I'm angry at him too. I blame them both for the sense of loss that I've known since day one.

I met my bio dad last year (I searched, he didn't) and am still in contact with him.

My brother was adopted from another family and his bio dad walked away. My brother isn't in reunion and isn't interested in it.

Zeena

My niece's mother never told my brother that she was pregnant.He had a job, was going to school and wasn't a dead beat yet because he lived at our parent's house and he broke up with her(because she was too needy and demanding), she thought that he wasn't fit.

There were no parents lined up for Lili so she was surrendered into foster care.When my brother found out that he had a daughter that {person} gave up, he automatically went to fight for his rights as her father.{person} then tried to have my brother not see Lili but she had no say over it because she already signed over her rights.

My brother got full custody of Lily and she is now a happy 7 year old with a step mom that legally adopted her.It's pretty sad that {person} was pathetic enough to harm this child by not letting her know her biological family because my brother broke up with her and she had bad feelings towards him.

I feel sorry for the fathers that actually want to be fathers but the mothers never give them a chance because of personal grudges.

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