In what ways are adoption and pregnancy comparable?

Jennifer L

Well, I've gone through a pregnancy and I'm also an adoptive parent. I think there are a few basic comparasions: it's a sense of anticipation, an understanding that a series of events, or a process, must occur before the child arrives, understanding that nothing about a child, whether from birth or adoption, is guaranteed.

But for me, it really doesn't go much further than that While we were waiting for the adoption process to move along, we didn't feel "pregnant", we didn't have an "adoption shower."

I certainly would never equate an adoption plan falling through like a miscarriage! Usually if an adoption plan falls through (unless it WAS a miscarriage) it is because the family decided to parent, not that a tragedy occurred. I just can't relate the grief from a miscarriage to having an adoption plan fall through.

So, to answer your question, drawing the comparasion to be a sense of anticipation and excitement to add another member to the family is fine, in my book. But I don't take it further than that.

Sofiakat

I found that it is comparable in many ways that are not particularly insulting...
You both wait for the child to come.
You both wait to get to know the child.
You both have no gauruntee that the child will be physically and emotionally healthy.
You both have the excitement of adding to your family a new little life.
You both have the same dreams and expectations for the child to have a healthy and happy life.
You both worry about parenting the best you can for the child.

The one thing that I found insulting was...you DO NOT get the same support system...for some reason extended family and friends do not always recognize the child with the same happy excitement as a newborn birth child.

and this is especially true when you are fostering with a view to adopt.

Heather Leigh

They are both very different but yet they both result in adding a new member to your family. To me that is probably the only real similarity.

It reminds me of when a couple will say, we are pregnant...EXCUSE ME... SHE is pregnant.."we" are expecting a baby. Until the man has to deal with the hormones, weight gain and hemorrhoids, "We" are not pregnant!

I have friends that are adopting and they actually said, "we are pregnant" when they were selected by an original Mom. No, they are not...

I think your friend that compares a miscarriage to a failed adoption may have good intentions, but they are two very different things.

IDK!!

I can think of 100 similarities and 100 differences.

But when it comes to miscarriage It think it's so different. Sure it ends n no baby, but with a miscarriage, a life ended, with a change of heart, there is hope that the child will grow to be happy and healthy. Also there is a not knowing what happened the the child and if he/she's okay. I guess there's just no closure. Miscarriage is more like getting fired from a secure job, with no reason. An adoption falling through is more like just not getting the job, knowing that someone else did. Sometime it can make you sad even though it was for the best.

I remember when my son was born, he was so sick. At 2 weeks old he came home and I was scared a crap. I knew that I didnt have then "new mommy hormones", like I did with my daughter. Thank God I did have mommy instincts.

Proudmama, While I understand your sensitivity, I think pregnancy is much more involved than adoption, at least it was for me. Pregnancy is life threatening, adoption is emotionaly threatening. Pregnancy leaves physical scars. I almost died with my daughter, it gave me a whole new respect for women how chose to continue pregnancy, even when they know they will not keep the child.

Kazi

Gaia, my friends and family have also said the same things about my adoption being the same as their pregnancies. I believe they are showing their support. They want us to know that they see us as the same. I may disagree on principal, but I am touched at the intent.

I believe they are only comparable on an emotional level: excitement, fear, joy, anticipation, anxiety, uncertainty and of course blinding, overhwhelming love.

Everything else about the 2 are so very different. Pregnancy is a physical act while adoption is a bureaucratic process. The goal maybe the same (to be a parent of a child), but the roads getting there are very different.

The only things that really offend me are when people ignorantly claim that I got a baby the easy way. There is nothing easy about adoption, perhaps physically, but certainly not emotionally. Or, that my joy on adopting my daughter pales in comparison to giving birth. How would they know?

They are both hard and wonderful, but very different. I think people get offended when they think that people are claiming that "different" must mean less than.

lina i

pregnancy and adoption both bears a common denominator - child- only in pregnancy its your own blood that will run through while in adoption iys someones baby wherein you dont know what kind of generation it comes from that is mainly what your friend wishes to impart to you.

Heather B

They are not comparable in the least.

This is the fundemental myth in adoption (that the two can be compared or that one is no different from the other)

The 'grew in my heart, not under it' drivel makes me want to spew. It does nothing to make the child feel any more wanted or any less 'abandoned' and only serves the APs - but hey, what's new

mum_of_3

Comparable? Hmmm........

Pregnancy means having to go through the hormones, discomforts, & eventually the labor.

Adoption is the easy way out. But not easy also.

I'll try to explain that better, Adoption you don't have to do the above but you do have to run through hoops etc to get a child which can be harder than just having one of your own.

If your unable to have your own I love the fact that adoption is an option. They may not be your natural child but they will be your's as soon as the papers are signed & just because you haven't given birth to that child doesn't mean you can't still love that child as much as one you gave birth to.

Also adoption you can choose whether you have a boy or girl, where in pregnancy you get what your given.

Hope that makes some sense.

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