Is Adoption right for me, I scared and this is very difficult. Am I doing the right thing? HELP PLEASE.?

cantstopLinnyG

Your family is behind you, hun, and that is a wonderful gift. They know how important it is for a baby to be raised by his or her REAL mother, not a stranger.

Your son WILL feel rejected if you give him away. Most adoptees do. It was a life changing decision that was made & it affected OUR lives, too. All we want is our mothers- its all ANY child wants.

Please check out these links, and let your family help you raise your baby. Its what's BEST. For BOTH of you.
Oh, and do NOT email anyone who contacts you. They just want to get their hands on YOUR baby, and could give 2 squats about you.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.acs
http://www.amfor.net/killers/
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.keepyourbaby.co
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

GieveS-

The love will come, I promise. I was pregnant at 19, with a guy that I had come to hate. I convinced myself that I could not love my child. I would cry myself to sleep, I didn't take good care of myself, and I was just convinced that I would be an awful mother who didn't love or even like her child. My mom was wonderful. She told me that everything was going to be ok, that it was ok to love my child, and that he will love me back. She told me that there is a very special bond between a mother and her child and that it is very powerful. She also told dme to tell my OBGYN about what I was feeling, and to ask her for some anti-depressants. (I was also having suicidal thoughts, because I seriously was so worried about this) I will admit, I didn't believe her, but I trusted her. The dr. put me on Zoloft, and it was like the clouds opened up and I could see again. In the end, my mom was right. I DO love my son, he is more precious to me than anything in this world. It doesn't matter to me that his dad is a self absorbed drug addict, Jayden may share his DNA, but he also shares mine, and I am the one that gets to raise him, that is such a privilege! I know things seem impossible right now, but trust me, I have been there, I know you doubt yourself, but don't. If anything else, give yourself 6 months, see if you don't fall in love with him. If after that you really don't love him, then go ahead with an adoption, but I promise you, you won't let that happen!

I am sorry you are scared and in a difficult position, but have you discussed your feelings with the baby's father? Even if you don't feel you can raise this child right now, he may.
You're right, this is your (and the father's) decision to make and you need to do what you feel is best for your baby. And know that you don't have to make any final decisions until after the baby is born. Take your time research all of your options, talk to someone you trust.

Possum

From one who was given away by her mother - NO - I don't think you're doing the right thing.
No child wants to be given away.
This child wants YOU - not a family of strangers.
Think long and hard about this - as the decision is for life.

Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Everyone is scared when they're pregnant - whether it's planned or not.
You can parent. You're made for it - no one would be better than you.
I wish you and your baby the best the world can offer.

ETA: those that will tell you adoption is wonderful are desperate for a child (ie they're looking after their own interests) - or they're just clueless about what it's really all about - or they've adopted - and want to keep the dream alive.
Very very few adoptees or mothers that have lost children to adoption would EVER advocate for this cruel cruel system.

Lori A

You have other options. Have you talked to your family about one of them raising your child? Have you given any thought to how this is going to affect all of your other family members? This is their family too and you are breaking any bonds they might have with this child.

This will not go away. Opened adoptions are not enforceable, and you will never forget you carried and gave birth to this child. Adoption can work out for some, but you have no way of knowing if your child will be one of those who got "the good life" until years later when you meet them again as an adult. How will you feel if this child wasn't one of the fortunate ones and their life was actually harder than what you could have given them?

I have already been through all this and want you to know that there is an enormous amount of guilt that comes with it. What seems like a good idea now may not down the road, but by then it is too late.

You have other options and a family who stands behind you. That is something that many many women never had. Don't decide anything until after the baby is born and you hold your child. It is not the same as caring for siblings, not the same at all. Scared is a normal reaction, everyone is scared to some extent with their first child. Your life is going to change because of this pregnancy. It already has. You now have to decide to what extent that change will be.

Anha S

Your feelings might change after you give birth. I was 17, pregnant, terrified, and without the support system you have at one time.

As others have mentioned, you will likely be slammed with an arseload of emails asking you for your baby, and telling you what super fantastic parents they'd make. Pre birth matching is one of the most coercive forms of adoption, add in people trolling the internet for women just like you who are confused and torn about their situation, makes it even worse.

I felt rejected and like a mistake my entire life. After all, why else would my mom, the woman who was supposed to love me most of all gave me away. Adoption is also a crapshoot. A child can get a loving home and have a wonderful childhood with supportive and loving parents. THen again, they might get to grow up with a family who completely missed that mark. Even the kid from the first scenario might have issues stemming from adoption.

Have you considered trying to parent before rendering your final decision? You have been given some terrific links with lots of information about the effect of adoption on the first mom an adoptee, I hope you will read them.

epyle71

I had a very bad experience with Open Adoption. Not the agency but the adoptive parents. I would like to talk to you more about it, since it is to long to write. So please email me you email address and I will email you my number. I know it sounds a little weird. But if I can keep someone from going through 10 years of heart ache and regret it is all worth it. My name is Marie.

Pleasantly Psycho Cat

Do your research. Look up stories of how adoption has affected both mother and child. Do you think you will regret giving your child up? Do you think you would ever miss your child? What about in the future? How do you feel about not seeing you kid for many years? What about never seeing your child again? Think long and hard, you're making a decision that will change your life and your child's life. If you can answer no to all these questions then by all means make sure your son finds a nice loving home. If you answered yes to one question then keep your child and do some soul searching, you could be making a mistake and looking for an easy way out to a temporary problem. Is it possible a family member can adopt your kid so he can stay with his family if you choose adoption?

Im the girl that rocks his world

If you want give the child up for adoption because you feel that right then thats what you should do. I would look into open adoption so you could see how your son was getting along and see how he was growing up and still know that he was being taken care of. Call an attorney and talk with him about the options of adoption and that way you will know the child will go in to a home straight from the hospital and not something like an orphanage waiting.

M L

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. If you feel that adoption is a good thing for the both of you, then please talk to a lawyer or an agency and see how you feel about it then. Sometimes the greatest stress is not knowing enough about something. If your family wants to know this baby and you think it is the best thing for the both of you (adoption) then find an adoptive couple (lawyer or agency can help) that will have an open adoption with your family. Something can be worked out. Good luck to you!!

%100 Percent Adorable%

I don't think this a decision you could make in just one day I really think you should try to bring this to a closer so early you should really think about this one long and hard

Daisey Duck

This will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make. It sounds like you have been thinking hard about this as you should. You are the only one who can make the decision. I think it might do you some good to talk to a counselor, as you are obviously being torn apart right now. It might help you put things in a better perspective. If you truly know in your heart that this is the right thing to do then that is what you should do. Don't let anyone talk you into or out of doing what you feel is best for you and the baby. Also don't let others tell you how your child will feel when he/she gets older, as they don't know, how one feels is not how another will feel. I know for me being adopted was a good thing and I have no regrets about how my life has turned out, nor do I have any bad feelings towards my bio mom.
You still have plenty of time to gather information and weigh the pros and cons (they have to be your pros and cons not someone else's) I would hear your family out on this and then tell them how you feel. They can't make this choice for you weather they want to or not. It is your life and your child and for you to do what you know is best. Good luck.

durdenslabs

Why don't you let your family adopt and raise him? Then he'll still have access to you, his mother, and still be with people that are related to him.
If none of your family or relatives are willing to adopt him then contact social services or bring him to a safe haven (where they'll take him in and get him adopted).

Liz

I think you should do some research on adoption agencies in your area. Meet with a counselor to be certain that this is what you want. You cannot be made to love this child or want to keep him. It will only cause resentment because you have kept him to appease others. There is nothing wrong with you or awful for not feeling anything for your child.

Though it doesn't matter what I think, I believe it is in the best interest of you and your child to give him to a couple that will be able to provide him with the love and support he needs. If you still want to be a part of his life, you can do an open adoption.

I think you are very responsible and loving for wanting to give your son a better life. Please contact a local adoption agency and set up meetings with counselors. If you find that you want to keep the child, let it be because YOU want to. Not because your family or some strangers on the internet have guilt-tripped you into keeping him. Their experiences are not the same as yours. Only you will know what is best.

Andrea A

Your family isn't the one who will be raising the baby. They won't be there at three a.m. when it wakes up crying and tears you from sleep. If you feel in your heart you are not ready to do this and want to look at adoption, don't let the words that come out of other people's mouths make you change your decision. You are the one that will have to live it. I would try to get a good support group, whether in your community or online, of other people facing the same situation so you don't feel so alone. You might check out LDS family services.

josettechoise

This is not a decision you can make in one day. I would write about it, the pros, the cons, would you want to ever be involved, whatever.

IF IT WAS ME:
I would give the child up for adoption.

But you aren't me. Only you can make this decision.

Treboj

You will know the answers for your question if you visit this website www.about.com: Adoption.

Brett

I have friends who were adopted. Some knew from the beginning, some did not. But either way, they never felt rejected. If you really feel you cannot provide what this child deserves, there are plenty of parents out there who cannot have children that would love to raise a baby of their own.

chrissibug

adotion is best and yes it takes day try christian adoption dont be scared it will change your life

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