Is Adoption the Answer?

xangelkatex

Sounds like pre-natal depression to me.
I dont think its the baby you feel detached to..i think its your husband and because this baby is part of your husband you are rejecting it...when you are unhappy with someone you detest anything that reminds you of them...Please dont take your unhappy marraige out on your baby...The baby isnt the reason for your unhappiness...you were unhappy before you fell pregnant....I think you should speak to a doctor about getting some sort of counselling as if you dont the chances are it'll get worse when the baby is born and you may end up doing something you regret!
If your that unhappy with your husband then perhaps you need to address your lifestyle and perhaps a seperation is in order...for yours and your baby's sakes!

Nikkisparkles

Please do not make any decisions while you are feeling like this! You will live to regret it. Make an appointment with your midwife, or doctor and tell them exactly how you feel. There is a lot of emphasis on Post Natal Depression, but not many people are aware of Pre Natal Depression which can be just as severe, just as sould destroying and terrifyingly scary. It sounds to me like you are suffering from Pre Natal Depression and I seriously suggest you seek medical advice. It doesn't make you a bad mother, or mean you are going to be a bad mother, but it does need treating, because if it isn't treated you'll be at an increased risk of it getting worse and manifesting itself.

LadyC

It sounds to me like you may be detached from the pregnancy because of the problems in your marriage. You view the baby as another nail in your coffin so to speak - something that will tie you to your husband and keep him in your life even if you did choose to divorce him. Perhaps it is because this baby is part of him, a product of the unhappy marriage that you feel this way. maybe you are feeling additional pressure becuase you feel you should be happy and joyous at being pregnant but because you don't feel this way, you feel even worse - its a catch 22. Things may improve, or they may not but either way you need to seek support. Reading between the lines, I take it you haven't discussed your issues with your husband? I also take it you haven't discussed your mairital issues at any great length? I think this is the place to start. Talk it through - tell him how you feel and decide on the best course of action. I personally don't feel adoption is the best answer. You chose to have this baby and bring it into the world, problems or no problems it is your responsibility to raise it and give him a home. Getting rid of the baby will not get rid of your problems or your marriage.

LexMc

This is obviously a big decision for you, and I think it would be wise to seek a professional counselor. If you feel that you are not equipped to give your child a supportive environment then it may would be in its best interest to give it up. However don't let your feelings for your husband cloud your feelings for your child. You can always get rid of your husband. Your feelings about your baby may change once you hold it.

Ray K

go to your doctor and tell him how your feeling,he will get you the right help.

Crystal

Please go to the doctor and talk through your feelings with them. ?They will be able to help you with your depression, and tell you what options are available to you.

Lori A

I don't think adoption is the answer, but it's not my decision, and I have made that choice once, not something I recommend. It has it's side affects. Pregnancy can be the most wicked time for a woman, I would wait until the baby is delivered, your hormone levels are starting to level out and see if this in fact doesn't turn around. Most definately talk to your doctor about how you feel but I would avoid the topic of adoption with him/her. Some doctors are over zealoused about adoption because they get kick backs from it.

If in a few months if you still feel this isn't working, talk to your husband. He as well as you, still has the right to parent his child and should be considered first before adoption. I know several single fathers who have done a wonderful job of raising their children.

sheesh youre all nuts

I feel so bad for you, BUT you have to understand that just because you had a hard marriage and youre probably having a hard pregnacy on top of it, not to mention the depression and all, doesnt mean youre not going to love your little baby. you will see when you have your baby that its the best thing that has happen to you for a long time, and you will probably think least i got something special from this marriage, its normal to feel depressed when youre having a baby and its even more normal when youre feeling pressure from your marriage. i think you should wait and see, if you dont feel the connection when your baby is born then you will now and the hospital will help you make the right decision. till then wait and see if the feeling changes when you actually see the baby. when i was pregnant with my 4th i hated it, it was thr worst pregnacy and i kept telling myself does this mean i dont love the baby as much as the other ones, and me and my husban would fight and i was scared to bring another baby into the world if we were going to act this way. but when i seen my little man i thought i was nuts and i had no idea why i was acting and thinking that way. it was because no matter how many, from the 1st to the 10th its a hard process and it doesnt come easy for anyone. remember just because this guy doesn treat you as well as he should, doesnt mean this beautiful little baby wont, you will never feel love like you will feel when you have this innocent little baby that only depends on how much you love him/her. and it will love you more than you could ever possibley want/need.

monkeykitty83

The answer is to deal with your depression, before making any decisions. Depression makes it hard to see situations clearly, especially emotional ones. It makes it hard to imagine a happy future.

The first thing you need to do is seek counseling. There are treatments for depression that don't involve medication, so even if that's a concern for you, you shouldn't wait till you're finished with your pregnancy-- you should do it right away.

You also need to be really, really honest with your husband about how you're feeling. I know that will be hard, but he can only support you if he actually knows what's going on. Also, it's his baby too, and so this affects him too.

Frankly, you aren't in a position to make a decision either way about adoption right now. You need to get yourself healthy, first. Depression screws with your whole mind and body, so I would suspect you aren't experiencing the "natural bonding" (which some women don't feel until after the birth, or even after parenting their babies for awhile) because the depression is getting in the way. There's no reason to make a decision about adoption before the birth anyway; you may feel very differently after the child arrives.

Please get some counseling for the underlying problem before you make a decision that will affect you, your husband, and your baby for the rest of your lives. Depression is often improved with treatment, and you owe it to yourself to be in the best position possible as you consider whether or not you'll parent your baby.

cmc

Sorry to hear about your situation, which must be very difficult. Your husband would have to consent to the adoption too, so that may be one barrier even if you decide adoption might be best. It does sound like it may be difficult for you to parent this child, but I can't say if it is the right answer for you or not. You should see a mental health professional, and talk about your depression, marriage and pregnancy. It is really more than anyone on Y!A can reasonably advise you about.

mom_of threegirls

Sounds like you need to get into counseling FAST! I don't see adoption as the answer since your husband wants the child. I really think that you will change your mind after you are done being pregnant IF you get some help! Take this baby and make it change your life for the better. God has given you a gift that could possibly save your life. Get the help for yourself and your baby!

dzzydaisy

I think you should talk with a christian counselor. I think once you see you baby's beautiful face, you'll fall in love! i think if you gave up your baby it could cause some huge regrets! but if your going to be an physical/verbal,emotional then you should find a nice christian family. Not people who just say they're Christians, but who live it. You should pray about it!

BPD Wife

You mentioned that you are a Christian. I think you need to look deep within yourself and pray for the answer. If you need to seek the advice of your pastor or priest, then do so. Not that I would know, but everyone says that pregnancy plays with your emotions, be sure to talk to your doctor also. Do not make any hasty decisions. Only you know what is best for your child. Pray for help. He will guide you and your heart.

Wishing you God's Blessings.

Gaia Raain II

The problem is not with your baby, the problem is with your marriage. Giving up your baby won't fix anything, I promise. Please get some help. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. And you'll need help to get back in touch with your feelings so that you can raise that beautiful baby who deserves his mama, and needs her well and whole.

paddy

why arent you talking to the health care givers, depression can be helped, things cant be that bad in the relationship as hey you are pregnant. when baby is born hopefully you will bond as maybe you are blaming the pregnancy for your situation, and its not the babies fault. talk to doctor about this depression, and then they will be aware of post natal depression and help you with your bonding

PrincessBabes.

If you dont want to bring this child up why dont you let the father bring it up because he seems like hes really glad about this, i dont think adoption is the answer if that child has a biological parent that would like to bring it up, and its rather unfair on your husband because hes so thrilled about it, dont do adoption, please.
xx

Blue eyed Babe =D

I believe that you should just have the baby and then you can see what happens. I think you are thinking the negative right now because you are depressed. If you do anything to your baby you will regret it and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. TRUST ME.
I was almost aborted. BC they thought I was Dead.
You have 2 choices: Life or Death. If it were you what would u want? The little baby is inocent.
You will be OK!
I am also a Christian and I will Pray for you!
Ask God to Change your heart. Miracles do happen. I have learned this in my personel life.
God Bless you! And I hope you find happiness soon!

Badspe11er

don't worry, you will "snap out of it"...

malaki bowane

You did not clearly say what your problem is:

I will have to guess:

If it is that you and your husband are not madly in love, then:
a) Just have the child anyway (6 months is a long time)
b) That you do not have enough cash, find a job and work for the remaining 3 months and prepare for the baby.
c) Just do the right things.

If you are not ready to have the baby;
a) Why worry, you have to grow up one way or the other.
b) Being a responsible citizen starts with having children.
c) You came from a family so why not have yours?

Life always has got challenges and you can not run away from these challenges, always.

It is better if you face the challenges squarely, than to be afraid and run away thinking that you will never have problems.

Solving problems, makes you grow as a person. You need to come up with strategies on how to improve the situation.

Come on courage girl!!

babydoll

dont do anything rash i think u should have the baby see how u get on if u dont bond put the baby into foster care until u sort your relationship out you can then regain your baby and if you still dont want your baby you then have the option of adoption please seek help for your depression finish with your husband sort yourself out and give yourself and you baby a chance of a life together like i said u can always opt for adoption afterwards..

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: