Is adoption right?

julie j

Hi Jessica,

You are in a serious adult situation right now. After reading your other question, it's even more serious.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AglxzC2c1ycwR4Kvgmzkh7Tsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080420092903AAZobgI

You may not realize it, but you are also a rape victim. First, you need to report that! You should tell your parents, a school counselor, a teacher, or another older relative that you trust. A police report needs to be made immediately and your boyfriend's father needs to be held accountable for what he did to you, regardless of whether or not he is the father of your baby. The rape was not your fault. You are still a child, and he victimized you.

We cannot tell you what to do about the pregnancy. That is ultimately up to you. Don't let others talk you into anything you do not want. I encourage you to independently research your options and think long & hard. It will affect both you and a possible child for the rest of your lives.

The first pregnancy-related decision you need to make is whether or not you wish to be pregnant at all at this time. If not, then it may be possible to terminate the pregnancy depending upon how far along you are.

If you do wish to be pregnant, then you can wait until after the child is born to explore your options of who will parent your child. Do you have a good family support system? What are your boyfriend's feelings about all this? You might also consider extended family members in your decision. You should know that adoption to an outside family will have permanent, negative effects on both your child and you. Don't count on adoption agencies to give you any of the negatives pertaining to adoption because they won't. They will tell you there are not any. Those who have lived it will tell you otherwise. Agencies exist to sell babies to their clients. And one more bit of advice - there is not a real option called "open adoption." That legally does not exist. Hope some of this helps.

Good luck Jessica,

julie j
reunited adoptee

Warrior Mom

No one can answer that for you. Do you have support from your parents? That's an awfully huge decision for a 12-year-old to make. Talk to trustworthy adults who can help you know what ALL of your options really are.

ã€ãƒ„ã€‘mommyã€ãƒ„ã€‘

well at 12 YES adoption is a great choice! my opinion is that obviously you are not very responsible to get pregnant at 12 years old!! so how could you be responsible to raise a child ... and your 12?? your still a child!! smarten you butt up!!

Tiff G

I believe it would be more fair to both you and the unborn child to let someone else raise it. There is something called an open adoption you can do so you know what family has your baby. You get to choose them and possibly keep in touch with your baby. You need a future and so does the baby. Good luck, there is no easy solution to this problem.

Oh me oh my...â™¥

In your case I think adoption would be a very good choice.

cyn1066

Giving your baby up is hard, but is for the best. You are only 12 and are not ready to be a parent. A baby needs a loving stable home and you need a chance to grow up. Please make sure that you takes steps to avoid becoming pregnant again. Many teen age mothers have several babies before the age of 20. Please go an talk to a counselor who can help you with this. God bless.

Eva82

Yes...adoption will be better than anything for the both of you. I had my daughter at 17 and I gave her up for adoption...I am lucky that the family that adopted her was willing to do an "open-adoption" where i still get to know her and talk to her. I phone her and write letters. It is a wonderful thing. I still got to go to college and she gets to live on the beach and go fishing on the lake...she has a wonderful life with her family and I am happy to have given her that. :)

*The DA's Biggest Fan*

If you feel that you can't take care of it, then it's for the best. You're still in school, so you couldn't take care of it during the day. If the father has no part in it, then I especially recommend it. Hope this helps.

Bear

I think you would be doing the right thing to put your unborn child up for adoption. You should be able to grown up and be a kid yourself. I think that would be the best thing you have every done.

Bailey B

yes because you of the child does not want or can't take care of the child anymore you should put it up for adoption. even though you might feel bad sending the baby to someone else,if its what is best for you you should do it. it's okay.

Kelly

I was a child given up for adoption by a young teen mother and it was the best thing for both of us. I had a great life being raised with 2 parents and brothers, and my BM life didnt end at 15. If you cant give the baby everything it needs and deserves (and at 12 I dont think anyone could) would it be fair NOT to give it a better life? Definitely dont go looking for parents on the internt. Find a repuable agency and deal with them. Good luck!

sunfreeze

i had a friend once in this situation. her mother adopted the baby, but the friend still raised him. maybe see if your parents or anyone in the family can adopt the baby. or if you have the support of your family, keep the baby. it would be horrendous, yes. but if you can get help giving the baby all the support she/he needs, that baby will be able to know you and love you. it's a better option than adoption if it can be done. if not, go for adoption. it will be terrible on you, but if it's best for the baby, it's best for the baby.

please dont even listen to the people saying to get an abortion. dont kill your baby because of someone else's mistakes. and as far as the person saying you could die in childbirth..... you sound like a good mother wanting the best for her baby. and a good mother never ever EVER puts anything above their child, not even their own life.

sorry to be a bit preachy.
although just consider things carefully, if you believe your baby would be better off with another family, go for it. if you pray, pray a lot. talk to others who have been in this situation. talk to your family. seek guidance from every trusted source you have.

whatever you decide, good luck.

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