Is anyone here a foster parent, or has been in foster care? What do you think the children want?

Charles T

I was a foster kid for two years before I became an adult. Your question is a tough one to answer. Foster care means you basically have a house where kids can stay in but they aren't adopted. Meaning the kids tend to get bounced around and can be moved out at the drop of a dime.

I was lucky to have been able to stay in the same place even though they decided they didn't like one brother and had him moved and the other decided to move on his own. I wanted to have a family that I could disagree with or be able to make mistakes without worrying that I would be tossed out.

It seemed like I was there to benefit them mostly. I didn't want to feel like I was walking on eggshells or that I couldn't say no or disagree with them.

Basically, I wanted a stable family that would take care of me almost unconditionally and would take my past into consideration when there was a problem.

Kamp

They want to find a home and family that is comforting, a place where they can feel free to be themselves, a family that really cares and asks questions about them. They may have had a bad experience in the past so they are looking for someone they can trust! This is # !: TRUST.

newfiegurlie

If you are planning on being a foster parent, good for you. The fact that you are worried about what the children want and need, in my mind, makes you a wonderful candidate.

I think you should be exactly what they need. Not just a place to sleep and eat, but a place to feel happy and safe and secure. I'd talk to them and get involved with what they're interested in. I knew ppl who were foster parents, and in my mind they were just in it for the $$$. They didn't care how the kids did in school. That was the main concern I had. I remember going there and talking to the kids about their schoolwork and what's going on in their lives, and they were happy to be praised up. The 'foster mother' rolled her eyes at me, as if to put the kid down.
I am no longer friends with this family because of the few tiny things I saw in their home. Nothing to harm or hurt the foster kids, but definitely not how I would run my home and treat any kids I had.

yes, be a 'parent' figure for them. Teach them. Tell them what's right and wrong, offer advice. Help with schoolwork, praise them up. Do fun things. Make them happy..even if only for a week or month or whatever the case may be.
But be careful not to get to attached!
That's the problem I would have. I'd let myself get too intertwined with the kids. I know a few families in my city who have grown so attached to the kids that they ended up adopting them as their own :)

Good luck!

Rebecca W

Over the course of the last 15 years, I have had more than 50 kids pass through my house.

What they want is to be accepted as an individual, loved as a person and have a place of safety and security.

Remember, one of the things that provide security is set rules and expectations that are easy to understand and applied equally and fairly to and by everyone in the family.

This is what I based my entire household on--"I love you and accept you--NO MATTER WHAT! But you still have to follow my rules."

grahamkim2003

What the children want most is stability.I had foster children for 2 years. 2 girls age 7 & 8. I was unable to adopt them but they ended up going into a wonderful family where they stayed till grown.I found they really wanted to be a part of our family. we all had our simple chores to do.We all helped out in this way the children had structure, allowance money and felt like they belonged. We also participated in their school work, school outings and special functions. They want your interest, affection and love.

razi_woman

I know a few adults that were in foster care as children, and I think the thing they hated most was knowing they may not be there forever. They want to be a part of a real family, and even though they may resist, do everything you can to include them and treat them as well as your own children. In the situations I know, the kids either didn't know their biological parents or didn't like being around them. I think they just wanted foster parents that would make their lives stable and be understanding.

teri81979_2000

kids want to be loved most of all

amoroushotmama

Children need the following:

Understanding
Nurturing
Nutrition
Guidance
Warmth
Love
Education

Make sure to respect their privacy and remember that they are having a hard time. They are human and will need time to warm up to you and their situation. Treat them like you would any other child and they will be fine.

night_angel_79

I think these children just want to feel loved, and to be in a secure, warm, loving environment. Children need that "parent figure" in their life. It shows them some sort of stability, a sort of normalcy, and a sense of belonging.

He's my world

My siblings and I were put in foster care for pretty much our whole lives. I was in it from the age of 4 until I was 13, that's when we found our family. All I wanted was someone who would be there for me and try to uderstand what I was going through, someone who loved me and treated me like their own child. It's really tough to be in foster care especially when I was so young and didn't understand why. I hated the system until I got older and realized that it was for my own good. Good Luck!

sara24

I was put in foster care and to be honest all i wanted from my foster parents was to be treated like family to be loved and cared for I am very thankful for my foster parents they have helped me thru lot good luck and thank you for being there for kids who really need it it takes a very special person to be a foster parent

Richelle78

I am a foster parent and I love it. I believe that the children need to feel welcome in your home and they need to know that it is their home for as long as they are with you. I don't think the children want you to be a "real parent" figure, either because their real parent/s were not doing a great job or because they are anticipating going home and they don't want to feel like they are betraying their parent/s. I have always let the children decide what they want to call me if they were old enough. (It is very difficult when the young ones don't understand what is going on and they call you "mom", especially if you want to adopt them if they don't go home!) The two children we have now call my husband and I by our first names.

One thing I think foster children really want is for someone to listen to them. They may want to talk about what has happened in thier lives and you need to be prepared for that, because you may hear some difficult things. However, to the children, this was their life. Sometimes they don't think there was anything unusaul about it, so you need to just be able to listen without saying anything negative about where they came from.

Also, they want to feel like part of the family. While this may sound contradictory to the parent thing, it is true. My foster daughters have been through a lot. They want to go home, although it doesn't look like that will happen. However, they love my family and love being a part of it. My older foster daughter said one day after a party, "I love when a foster family makes you feel like you are really part of their family." These girls had been in other homes and had never felt that before.

Anyway, I realize this is a long answer, but I hope it helps and I hope you decide to foster. Again, I love it very much and think it was one of the best decisions I have made.

Pam K

First off, just because a child is in foster care does not mean they don't have parents who don't want them or care about them. Some parents have been discriminated against and the county takes their kids for any reason they want, legal or illegal. I want to say that a person has got to be in the foster care business (as that is what it is) for the right reason. That you want to help the children. That is the meaning of foster. Don't think of those kids as your kids. They are just staying there until their parents get them back. Another thing I want to say is don't let the county scare you into thinking their parents are horrible abusive people. Not all parents lose their kids because of child abuse.

And lastly respect them and their belongings. Respect that they are hurting and be there for them. It is sometimes a long process.

Not many of the foster parents I have been in contact with are as loving as you sound, nor do they care as much.

If you are going to be a foster parent I would commend you as long as you are there for the child and keep an open mind about the situation. Confidentiality is the key and is utmost important. Never pre-judge a parent because they don't have their kids.

Best of luck to you. Great question by the way!

Kim_T

They want to be loved, have enough food to eat, clothes to wear and to be safe. Most of them also want to go back home.

Children tend to love their parents even in cases of neglect or abuse. In most cases children are not removed from their home and told immediately that they will not be going back.

Do not allow foster children any more latitude than you allow your children. They should be treated exactly the same and given equal shares of everything. Sometimes foster parents separate their children from the foster children but they really shouldn't do that. You set up boundries and house rules and they should be held accountable for following them. I also found that natural consequences worked really well with my foster children. I seldom got angry with them. I would simply say oh man! That means you now have to X, Y, Z to correct the situation. I also do this with my daughter (whom I did not have when I was a foster parent).

Good luck.

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