Is deciding between adoption or raising the child ever easy?

Through the adoption section I often read that people strongly believe that people should rather parent than adopt their child out, that they should think of the child rather than themselves.

However, for me, I'm often conflicted with that ideal, it's good to put the child first in all cases, however, shouldn't the mother's/father's feelings also be thought of ? Of course, sometimes it may seem that the issue is temporary however, at that point in time, sometimes the natural parent(s) really can't deal with the situation regardless of the support and help around them.

So really, my question is, is there really a simple answer to this ? And can we really know what is the right decision or not ? Is it really all black and white or are there shades of gray in there as well ?

Alice

It is never easy. However, the mom and dad should do what is best for the baby, there is no simple awnswer, there is no way to know if it is right, and there are a million shades of gray.

sunny

It should be easy.

When did delegating strangers to parent our children become okay?
"Parents" feelings take a back seat to the children right after you became pregnant. That a parent "can't deal" is really lame.

The "simple answer" is really that unless you are an addict, abusive, or plan to neglect your children profoundly, you have a moral responsibility to raise your own child.

People who can't manage that ought to be spayed or neutered.

Philippa

It would have been in my son's best interests to have been raised by me. I was able to support him, give him a good life and of couse I wanted him more than anything else in the world. His adoptive parents are good people who love him but he has major issues with being adopted.

23 year old texas female married

No, I don't think it is an easy decision because you have to think of the future. To do that you need to make plans and be Realistic. You have to see what steps you can take so you can raise your child and compare that to what an adoptive family might offer. I think if you can work during your pregnancy and save money during the pregnancy and have friends to have your back then you should personally keep it.

If on the other hand you are addicted to drugs and know that giving the baby to an adoptive couple would be better for the child's well being then I totally support your decision. It should be about the child's best interest. You have at least 7 months after you find out you are pregnant to start planning on how to keep your baby.

I think the people that are crisis mood go to the agency and some of the agencies are corrupt and will use the woman's fear to get her to relinquish. Personally you can't convince me to give up my kids. All I have to do is make one phone call and I have all the money I need to pay my bills and buy my kids diapers and supplies. My father will pay for anything his only grandchildren need. So would their Aunts and Uncle on their father's side.

Some people don't realize all the support they have from family and friends to keep their baby and others have no support and don't know where to go for help to get support. Lots of people are under-educated on the subject of adoption and only view it as sunshine and roses.

My community has resources all over to help keep families together. From free diapers, wipes, cribs, and bedroom sets, to household supplies and food and clothing. And for teenagers they have a nurse to go out and teach you how to care for your baby. How to change the babies diaper, clean the umbical cord. And whatever else they need to learn. I can't remember if it is for the first 6 weeks or the first 3 months but they are their and willing to help.

Luv Lots

it depends on who you are. it is as simple as that.

It varies from one situation to the next but all parents should put their child's needs first. Some situations may be temporary and the parent would do best to keep their child. Other parents may not be able to cope with a child and adoption would be their best choice. Regardless parents should try and find a relative to adopt or care for their child so that the child can have their biological parents in their lives.

DecibelGal

No, there is never a simple answer, and all situations are different. I don't believe "feelings" should play a part in the decision. I was 14 when I became pregnant, 15 when I delivered. I saw no other option than to put my baby up for adoption as a newborn. There's no way I could have raised him. 35 years later, my son searched for and found me. Now, I know for a fact that decision I made 35 years ago was the best decision for both of us. He wouldn't be half the man he is today if I would have tried to raise him myself.

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