Is infertility a justifiable reason to adopt a child? ?

spydermomma

The reason to adopt a child should be that you want to parent an adopted child.

You may come to that various ways, but the most common way is because of infertility.

Now the often frantic, expensive, dehumanizing journey of infertility can lead to a whole messed up head space in which conception or a baby becomes the goal -- rather than parenting. People in that head space should not adopt, because they are looking to an adopted child as a "replacement" for the child they still want to conceive and bear.

But it is possible to get off the infertility train, lick your wounds, grieve your losses -- and decide you still would make a great parent. And that you would like to parent an adopted child. And the journey of infertility can make someone a better, more empathetic person and parent than they were before. I know I am more empathetic since my pregnancy losses. My parenting is still open for debate. <grin>

And so many of the other reasons for adopting are problematic also. I mean, how many questions do we get from 13 year olds that have "always wanted to adopt a Chinese baby"? Not to mention people that adopt because they want to "save" a "heathen" child from growing up in their native country.

I don't really know how to explain it right, but just because adoption wasn't someone's original plan doesn't mean it was "second choice." And it certainly doesn't mean the adoptive parents feel their children are "second best." That would mean that because I am my daughter's third mom, that I am the "third choice" mom or the "third best" mom. Well, maybe I am or maybe I am not, but using the words "first mother" doesn't reflect on my >quality< as a parent -- just the order in which I came.

Infertility is a loss. Being adopted is a loss. There is a complex relationship between these losses in some families, but they are separate losses. And there are many other kinds of losses also. Any experience of loss can help one to be more empathetic to the losses of others. Or not.

Jennifer L

I'm having a problem with your word choice, Gersh. Justifiable to whom? Who gets to be the judge?

I think that infertility may lead to some people to consider adoption, that might not have thought about it before. But I think that's a stretch from saying that their reason for adopting is infertility.

People should adopt when they want to be parents to an adopted child.

Uncle Tim

Any reason at all that brings no harm to your or the child you wish to adopt is a very valid reason to adopt. So many children need a loving home.

monkeykitty83

Infertility alone is not a sufficient reason, no. Adoption isn't exactly like having a biological child, and adopted children shouldn't be treated as a replacement.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for infertility to push someone to consider adoption when they hadn't really thought about it before, but if what they really want is a biological child, using an adopted child as a substitute isn't very fair.

People should only adopt if they WANT an adopted child, and would love that child just as much as a biological child.

Another voice

no one needs to "justify" a reason to adopt. Why would they. People need to PROVE they will be good parents, if they want to adopt.. but they don't need to justify WHY... Infertility is a REASON people adopt because they want a family and they can't have one the way most people do. Why would they chose to have children biologically if they could??

#1 having a child biologically is much easier to do. No red tape, no lawyers, no years of waiting..
#2 No one judges you for it
#3 No one tells you that God didn't want you to be a parent

Infertile people are no more "worthy" of adopting than fertile people

Just like fertile people are no more "worthy" of being parents than an infertile person

People become parents because they WANT to. (or they had a "whoopsie!" moment.) No one asks them to justify the reason why. The reason is simple... they want a child to love. That's a good enough reason in my book, whether the person is infertile or fertile, and as long as nothing unethical is done.

parental unit

there is no need to justify a reason to adopt. If a child needs a home then a family that wants to take them in and adopt them should be encouraged.

And no, I am not endorsing the baby farm adoption agencies. A woman who finds herself pregnant and truly does not want the baby should be able to give it up for adoption with no guilt, but young, poor, misguided mothers should not be coerced into giving their baby a "better life".

Kazi

Here's the thing: life is not a straight line. Some people think that people who are infertile and adopt must have only done it because of their infertility and if they could conceive then they never would have adopted in the first place. I believe this point of view is a tad myopic. Life is a choose your own adventure though most of us have traditional paths in our heads because they are the norm: go to college, get married, have babies. Hardly anyone factors in not meeting the right person or your ovaries deciding to be uncooperative, etc. Adoption may not have been in most people's life plan, but I don't think that infertility itself is the decision to go through with it. The adoption process is not for the faint of heart and I truly believe that most people who go through it really want to be parents. If infertility was the main drive, then I don't think it would be enough to keep them on the rollercoaster.

Sharon M

Is fertility a justifiable reason to conceive a child? Since I could not possibly know my children before I had them, having them was a decision I based solely on what I wanted. I hoped that my husband and I would be good parents but I really had no way of knowing. Similarly, if a person wants to be a parent, but cannot, is it not okay to adopt if someone puts their child up for adoption?

Krystal A. and baby D.

Yes.Its a very good reason to adopt.Me even being fertile,I want to adopt.

Dana C

Lets see..... child in need of a home and a home in need of a child.... sounds like a match to me.

LaraSue

Yes.

Serenity71

Considering in my first application I was asked if we tried all aspects of fertility treatment I think the Government felt it was important...

Sophie

Yes. Along with any other reason... like mine - I just wanted to be a parent.

Freckle Face

Hi Gershom,

Monkeykitty took the words right out of my mouth.

No, it is not a justifiable reason to adopt. Adoption is not for everyone.

Persian X

Well it really differs from place to place. I live in the East and they look at adoption from a totally different view. In here infertility is almost the only acceptable reason for you to adopt a child.... Rarely people who are able to have their own biological children are ready to adopt, and if they are first they go for having theirr own child or children and then go for adoption. Plus that in my country the rules of getting a child for adoption are very hard and that is a reason that makes many people runaway from it.
But in the west it is different, many go for adoption even as single parents (if the country rules permit).

I personally think you are doing no good deed if you are adopting a child when you are infertile since its the only way left for you and you are actually doing it for your pleasure.. so if anyone is looking for the fact of giving a poor child a shelter and provide them with the warmth of a family you should do it weather you are fertile weather not

crazychickizback

Well seeing as that's why I may have to adopt, I think so

Independ"ant"

As far as Im concerned it should never be about the Aps or Paps problems.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

absolutely not. i don't think ANYONE "needs" to adopt. i think there are foster kids who "need" families.

Gaia Raain

Why yes, of course. Didn't you know that all children were put on this earth to serve adults, and satisfy all their wants and desires? Who cares about the child's needs and desires, hopes and dreams. They're not real people. They can't think for themselves, don't have the brain capacity to draw their own conclusions, don't have the emotional capacity to feel anything about anything without their parents' consent.

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