Is is always better for an child to be adopted by familiy members rather then an unrelated couple?

I hear people say often, that if a child must be placed for adoption or raised by someone other then their biological parents, then it's always best for a family member (aunt & uncle, grandparents, cousin) to adopt the child then a non-related couple. I wonder though, if your relatives are very different then your parents, not really in the best situation to raise a child, and "taking the child in" mainly out of family obligation, is it still better then having friends of the parents, or another adoptive coupe who really want to raise the child adopt them? For example, if my mom's brother and his wife adopted me, she would not be genetically related to me in anyway, and while I am related to my uncle, he is not close with my mom, and I don't think I would have ever been treated as their child, and may have been seen as a burden.
Has anyone been adopted/ raised by a family member? Do you think it was better then if you had been adopted by someone outside your family?

Tsunami

Well i was adopted by my great aunt and uncle. it was ok for me but then i wasn't really raised near my sisters or told nothing. i was nearly 40 or older before i knew that i was in the family and my adopted parents wouldn't tellme. it was i found out. iknwe i was adopted but not that i was still in thefamily. we were kept apart and my parents (real bio) well they were drunks and drugs and mom she left me when i was brought home and there were two small little girls besides me. our dad coulnd't take care of us all. the sad thing he married someone else and she was step she was mean to my sisters and abused them they had a awful life and mine was great. i was treated great just didn't know the generation i should have and not really much into the family as they (adopted parents) didn't spend too much time with his family and he was opinionated that they weren't very good people which was true but heck i should have been told something oh well that is life and i am ok. take care.

a healing adoptee

I deeply feel that it depends on the situation. If realtives can provide a happy and stable home enviroment then they should have the childern. If they can't then another couple could come into the picture if they can provide a happy and stable home.

Wundt

I agree with many other people, this is too dependent on the specifics of the case to really answer. Here are some of my experiences.

I know of one case of an aunt taking the child while the parents were in jail (yes, both of them). This allowed the child to still remain within the family group, i.e. grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. It also means that if the parents ever clean up their lives, there will be a chance to return that connection.

But, I know another case of an aunt taking the child and the birth mother using the situation in a manipulative way. She would often show up without warning, would ask for money, damand visitations (more to assert her 'power' rather than to see the child), and even threaten to kidnap the child. I get the impression there was already a lot of anger and interperonal issues between the sisters, and the child was being used as a wedge or catalyst for these exiting issues.

I do believe adoption by blood is a good thing, when possible. But, like everything to do with human beings, there is a lot of room for problems.

Jesusa

People are individuals. You should be able to judge whether
your relatives would make good parents. The benefit is that
you will still have a relationship with your child.

Heather B

Yes

sunny

All things being equal--family is better.

And, FYI, adoptive parents want ANY child.

melissa s

each individual situation is very different there for you cannot say always, i am sure it is best in some familys and not good at all in others

CountryGirlygirl

I think It depends on the situation. My family adopted a little girl not related to us and I think in her case it was better for her because everyone willing to adopt her is on drugs, in jail, or divorced. We adopted her at the age of 2 and she has grown up just as if my mother had her. You would never know she was adopted. But if the child is older i think it probably would be best for them to be adopted by a family member or someone close.

Amie M

My husband and I adopted our neices baby and we thought it was better so she could stay in the family. For someone to have adopted her outside the famil y would have been fine. I am sure they could have given her a great home as well. We see our daughter as our baby. Yea I may not have had her but is she is OURS. I dont care what people say. We have had her from day one. We wanted a child but have to go through IVF so, our neice asked us. WHO says this isnt our child. God gave her to us. Just like all the others who have adopted, this is our child. No child that you adopt is a burden. You adopt a child to have a child. Not because you feel sorry for them.

angels_sign_ily

I don't have any personal experience with this, but it is not always best to have a relative adopt a child than a non-related person. More important than relation is how well can the adoptive parent(s) care for the child? That is what is going to matter more than anything.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: