Is it bad for a couple who can have their own kids to adopt?

kimberly

No it not bad for a couple to adopt even if they have their own kids! because If the parents can't have any more kids of their own, Then the next best thing is to adopt. I was adopted from South Korea from a couple that lived in Illinois 33 yrs ago Because they could not have any more kids but they wanted more so they adopted out. And sometimes it seems like they will love their children more then the adopted one but parents do try love each child equally. Even if the child never get along with the parent at all

jack g

All I know is I would die for my son - I cannot imagine loving a child born to me any more than I do him

Kazi

I am an adoptive mom, so obviously I do not think it's a bad thing. Adopting is a wonderful thing... particularly for the adoptive parents. Adoptive parenting is not the same as biological parenting in the sense that they don't solely belong to us. Even if you are adopting a newborn, they come with a past, a whole other set of parents and family members and perhaps a different culture. To someone considering adoption, that can be overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be a negative thing. Adoptive parenting has layers that parenting biological children does not have, however, the crux is the same: you want to be parents. And love. Oh yes, the love.

No one, anywhere, ever, can tell me that they love their children that they gave birth to more than I love my children that I adopted. I would die for them.

The people saying that to you are saying how they feel for themselves. It is something potential adoptive parents need to ask themselves. They need to be honest. If anyone does not think they can love a child not genetically linked to them, then they should not adopt.

You will also be surprised at the reactions of family and friends once they've met your child. They are saying these perceived negative things because right now there is just a concept, not a child. Once they see this little person, you will see how quickly people fall in love.

But ultimately you need to work on yourselves. You need to grieve your infertility before you can embrace raising a child that could be very different from you in appearance and personality. You also have to accept that that your child comes to you from a place of loss. You can't fix that, but you can be there for your child and make sure you provide a safe place where they feel like they can come to you.

Becoming parents was the best thing that ever happened to us.

And our kids think we are pretty okay as well :)))

Good luck!!

emma

No one can really answer this for youâ€¦ it really depends on your mindset in many ways. I know that there are opinions on both sides of the fence. Ultimately, all any of us can do is weigh all the options with care and then do what we feel in our hearts is the right thing for us.

My husband and I chose adoption. We decided before we married that adopting children was the way we wanted to create our family and it was the best choice for us. Our family was beautifully made this way. We love our children very much and our children often tell us that they love us.

I believe that adoption is a wonderful way to enjoy raising children, but it is not the same experience as having biological children. Adoption is about providing a family to a child who needs it. We wanted children who may not otherwise have been adoptedâ€”we chose an older sibling group with a history of trauma. When I found out I was â€œhavingâ€ a child, I did not have the same feeling that many biological mothers have. I was not excited about who this baby might be, I cried for several days about the past that my children had already lived (I cried for them, I knew that this was a good choice for me).

In our adoption we did not get a chance to be the kind of parents that many biological parents get to be: we did not get to choose names, we did not see many of our childrenâ€™s â€œfirstsâ€ (as all could walk and talk, etc.) long before we came into the picture. HOWEVER, we get to see them as they grow older, we get to share the laughter and nurture their dreams, we get to kiss them good night and love them each day.

If you choose to adopt, do your own research about the pros and cons of having biological children as well. Again, that is for you to choose and there are valid arguments on both sides of the fence. I wish you the very best!

rainbowscuba

Our first child is our biological child and I heard a lot of the same comments you do, when we told that we wanted to adopt, especially from my family and they are devote Catholics (no offence to anyone, but doesn't Jesus say to love the next person like you would love yourself?). "Have your own children, since you can have them" and so on it went.
We chose to ignore it and I was fully prepared to sever the ties with my family, would I have seen that they don't accept and love our adopted child like our bio child, even though it would have been very hard for me. Don't get me wrong I love my family but I also think that love in general should include to accept and respect someone for who they are.
Anyhow, once they met our daughter, they couldn't help but love her and now they don't make any differences between my children. Honestly, who can resist a baby who puts out her arms to be held ;)

As for our selves there is no difference in how I love or treat my children. They are my children, no matter how they came to me. But if you do have any doubts that you would make a difference between a bio child and an adopted child, rethink your decision carefully.

In regards to "If you adopt, who is to say they will love you" - just tell them "Who is to say that my bio child will love me!!!!"
We also got, "You don't know what you are getting at least with your own you know", where as I can only say "People can't be more wrong -I have seen healthy families having healthy bio children and later on the children got very sick or the children weren't like their parents at all.
You will never know what you get in either case. All you can do is to love them with all your heart and hope for the best :)

If you are convinced that adopting is the right thing to do for you and your husband - go for it, just see peoples remarks as a test for your feelings. Having a bio child and adopting one was the best thing we ever did, both of them are the joys of our lives and they couldn't be closer to each other.

Good luck and all the best.

lola

I do not think that it is bad AT ALL!! That is between you and your husband. If you can give comfort and a loving homelife to someone that does not have that.....I say go for it!!!

I disagree with the comment that you won't love an adopted kid as much as your own. My biological father left when my mom found out she was prego, and the man that I refer to as my dad (the one that has always been there for me since I was a couple of months old) treats me the same as my younger siblings. My younger siblings are biologically his and my moms. I believe that he loves us all equally.

Crucio

Those people are clearly ignorant. It is true that some people canâ€™t love a child that is not biological related to them that is not the case for every single person out there. For people that fit in that category adoption is not for them. Who is to say that someoneâ€™s biological child will truly love them? No one is forced to love anyone regardless if that person is a blood relative or not. Who are they to say who you(husband) will love or wouldnâ€™t love? Who you (husband) will love more or less? That is a BS concept I am sorry but Love is Love it grows and expands. Our relationship with each person wether we are biological related to them or not is different so it makes sense that love would/will be different but that does not mean it will be more or less.

Honestly how someone decides to grow their family is a decision between a couple, not their family or friends. That is like telling a couple who is TTC to just adopt. Or even telling a couple who have decided not to have children to have children. There are all kinds of families some couples have biological children, some have adopted children, some have both. Some have a house of step-children, or foster children. Some choose not to have children at all.

If your family and friends are against adoption and you all still adopt unless they come around you may have to limit or even cut your contact with them for your childs benefit.

Barbara S

"I understand that there is some truth behind what they say."

You do? Stop listening to them. How would they know anything about the relationship between adoptive parents and children, unless they had adopted a child? Just because a child is not biological to you does not mean that he will not love you...or that you will not love him as much as a child you carried in your womb. Family doesn't necessarily depend on blood ties to be successful, loving, and nurturing.

I think you answered your own question: "Does that mean that they won't love the child that I adopt as much as they would love my own child too?"

Build your family the way you intended. And be proud of the fact that you'll be giving a home to a child who otherwise wouldn't have such a good opportunity....

Boy #4 due in July! ;-)

Oh no, anyone can adopt. As a matter of fact, almost everyone I know who has adopted also has biological children. Of course you will love them both as much. When it comes to day to day routines, sitting down and thinking about who you love more isn't something anybody does. I know I treat other kids who even visit my house the same as my own. And siblings who live day to day w/ each other dont sit an think of those things either.

Nancy M

It is wonderful that you plan to adopt. My husband and I have 2 bio children and have always wanted a large family. We are currently in the middle of the adoption process and all 4 of us are excited to add to the family.

While having bio children may take matching with a birthmother a bit longer, I know it will be worth the wait. A child is a blessing.

Good luck!

AngelT

I THINK THATS GREAT YOU HAVE BIG HEARTS GOD THERE STILL ARE GOOD PEEPS OUT IN THE WORLD

Proud Aunty At 14!

Ha. Tell they to go bout their business.!!!!!!
Don't want you want!!!!!!!
Adopt. Adopting is great. Your a giving a child a good life. These children need you in their lives, and how would they know.? Have they adopted a child before?

*7 Inch Heels*

No i dont agree with ppl saying that. There are to many kids out there with no homes and to many ppl that keep reproducing that need to STOP reproducing, if you are wantitng to adopt a chid that is unwanted that is great! good luck> !

aloha.girl59

I think that if you are able to have children biologically, you should. I also think that if you want to adopt, you should adopt from foster care.

Foster kids are the ones who really need loving families and homes. There are many, many people who want to adopt womb-wet infants and not enough babies to go around. Because of this, many pregnant women are coerced into giving up their babies when just a little emotional and financial support would provide them with the means they need to keep their children. Imagine being separated from your mother at birth. How do you think that would feel? No one should have to go through that kind of pain -- and live with it all their lives -- unless the mother is unable to parent for some reason (drug addiction, mental illness, etc.). The women who DO fit into those categories are few and far between. The vast majority of women who relinquish their infants are college students or women in their 20s who have unplanned pregnancies. They're scared and possibly alone and don't know who to turn to, so they turn to adoption agencies who treat them like they're angels for "doing what's best for their babies." Funny how those same "angels" are treated like dog **** by the agencies (and most adoptive families) once the termination papers have been signed. I've never read a single blog or post by a first mother (aka: birthmother) that says she is happy she relinquished her child. Not one.

I adopted my son from foster care 5 years ago. I have never given birth to a baby so I can't compare it, but I can't imagine loving any child as much as I love this one. I am blessed to be called his mom, but I know he has another mother on this planet as well. And so does he. My son truly needed a family. His first mother was unable to care for him. It wasn't that she didn't want to or that she didn't love him -- she just wasn't capable of proper parenting. He NEEDED a home and a family. Make sure that if you adopt, the child you adopt really NEEDS a loving home too.

tattooedgemini

i think it's great making room in your heart and home for another child.it can be difficult for everyone to adjust at first, especially for the child but it is sooo worth it. you will love him or her just the same as your bio kids. it's especially a blessing to adopt a child from foster care who is older (as in not an infant) because these kids are the ones who really need you and who you will be helping out the most. your children will not diferentiate between who is adopted and who is not. as a matter of fact, my a son seems to be all the other kids 'best' sibling as they all get along with him and want to spend time with him more than they do each other.

just1more

Hi,

I think it's fantastic that people adopt, there are so many children that for different reasons need a loving home. Ok you might be the biological parent but my biological dad is a complete waste of time, and I consider my step dad as my dad.

Don't listen to negativity, if your doing it for the right reason then I think you can give a child a brilliant up bringing and a fantastic start in life.

Good luck

Kbaby

Adoption is just as beautiful as having your own children. Being 18, and a mother of a 2 year old, i plan on one day adopting a child from Africa. I think every child deserves to be happy in a home where he/she will be loved. Being able to have your own child is good, and i believe that havin an adopted child and a biological child will make your bio child to want to do the same as you guys bc it shows that you care for others and that you are not selfish.

Bay Raymond

Any one who wants to adopt can

tanuja

I think it's wonderful! There are so many children out there who don't have families. If you can give even 1 child the love and warmth of a home and family, I think you are angels. You and your husband are doing something that all of us should at least consider.
As long as your family accepts the adopted child, I don't think you should worry about anyone else.
My husband and I would love to adopt too, but my mother-in-law wouldn't accept the child. :(
Good Luck to you!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: