Is it bad/normal to feel like this?

chachibald

Honey, she's your mom. You'll always love her. No matter what.

But loving people doesn't mean admitting they're good for you. You shouldn't have to question if your mom can take care of you or not..or if you're safe living with her. You DESERVE safety, love, security, and an environment that will let you thrive.

Drugs are not a good environment for you. She put you in danger, and that's why your current foster parents might be mad at her. But that's because they're trying to protect you...

I know she loves you, but she doesn't love HERSELF enough to be a good parent to you. Adults get pissed off at this, because they think if someone has a child, they better be perfect. But people (even parents) aren't perfect. They get messed up with bad people, bad drugs, and bad times in their lives. Your mom is trying to do you a favor by distancing herself from you. I know that's hard to understand.... but sometimes, the way to love to someone is to let them go.

If your foster parents aren't supporting you in this, ask to go to some counseling with them. They shouldn't suppress your feelings. And if you aren't already in therapy, that's just whack.

Rosie

Yep, it's normal to love someone no matter what.

However, with what she did and said already, what would they have to make up stuff about or lie to you about her?

You say, My people who I live with now... are they kin to you? Are you safe now?

It's normal to feel numb, scared, angry, loving, sad and confused in a situation like this.

FlyingMonkeySwatter

You can love who you want...even people who are incredibly bad for you. And sorry but cheating, killing someone in front of you, drugs and what you describe sounds like someone incredibly bad for you. People who love you will NOT be fond of this woman just for the fact she was an abuser, murderer and drug addict. Any one of those things would put her square on the crap list of anyone who is a child advocate and probably the rest of the entire human race. It sounds like people aren't trying to make you hate her...they just can't understand how you can't hate her. How do you know they are lying about her? It might be a truth but one you can't handle.

And honey...you may not understand this now...but no one can "get you into drugs" that is a choice of the person doing the drugs.

I am sorry you were even in this situation. She is your mom--and yes you will always love her. That doesn't mean she is a good person to have in your life. She sounds extremely toxic and if she puts that burden on you "as the only one who loves her" that is her manipulating you as well...and a mom who loves her daughter just doesn't do that. They also don't kill someone--and especially don't kill someone in front of their child.

Sparkle

Im sorry you have had to go threw all of that
You have every right to love your mom and dad too, whatever anyone else thinks is there problem not yours
The memories you have with her are good ones and you want to hold on to that there is nothing wrong with that she is your mother you have a right to love her there is nothing bizarre or wrong about it you have a big heart to see your mother the way others can't and can see the good part of her regardless of the bad choices she had made in life

Though the decisions she made in life where indeed incredibally wrong you dont need to have that constantly thrown at you all of the time you oviously know that why do you need to be reminded of that all the time its hard enough that you had to go threw all of that ! The best thing now is that your in a stable loving home where your safe and out of harms way. But for you to forgive your mom is still your personal decision .

My mother wasn't kind to me tho but I still love her she is my flesh and blood, my family! and there is nothing that can change .

I may not forgive her for mistreating me but I can move on from it an still have respect for her as my mother and a family member. An you may be the same way you may not forgive her for the choices she made in life and for what she did to your father, but you still love your mother because she is your mom and your family .

The next time others want to say something disrespectful to your face about her tell them that you understand that they feel that way about her and that you realize that she had made some bad decisions in her life but she is your mother and you love her unconditionally and that your offended when they blame you for the choices your mother made in life and that if they don't have anything nice to say about her to your face
then THEY NEED TO KEEP THERE OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES!

Best of Luck To You An Your Family

joanna

First let me say how sorry I am for your losses. I want to secondly tell you that you are entitled to feel whatever you feel, and that may change from time to time. It is wrong for ANYONE to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. You own your feelings! You deserve unconditional love. I hope that you are in counseling or get into it soon. Counseling is not an "overnight cure" however,it may take you several years to work through and sort out your feelings. You have been going through some very serious issues. I think it is great that you love your mother unconditionally. I would not be at all surprised if at a later time you find unresolved anger cropping up. You may not realize it right now but it is very possible you are not fully able to access all of your emotions at this time. Your mind has a way of trying to protect you from extreme amounts of pain and you may have some emotions stuffed deep inside for fear of coming completely undone if you were to experience them all at the same time. It is wrong for anyone else to try to make you feel any particular way. What your mother did may have been wrong but that doesn't mean you should or shouldn't love her. I hope you love yourself as unconditionally as you love her. Please get some support from somebody that is willing to stand by you no matter how you feel. I wish you luck .You are a brave young lady with a long, hard road ahead of you,but something tells me you have what it takes to not only survive but thrive. Good luck you will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need someone to talk to,I'll be around, but the most important thing you have going for you is that you are willing to put your problems out there and seek help and advice no matter what.You remind me of myself , I always found a way to share my problems and seek help and advice in an effort to get it off my chest and out of my head.

turkeybrooknj

I am sure it is normal to want to have your mother in your life but the fact that your Mom killed your Dad is what people are concerned about. Your Mom made some terrible choices in her life. She cheated on your Dad, made a decision that raising a child was not her "cup of tea" and stated so to your Dad after treating you nicely. She got into drugs and ended up in a hospital. Her choices were huge mistakes which she chose to make. She knew that cheating was wrong; she knew that doing drugs was wrong and she knew that killing your Dad was wrong, too. I am sorry that you miss her and that you feel that you love her despite her choices. She does not sound like she is a good role model for a child or a teen. She has not been responsible in any way. I think you should consider going for some counseling to help you deal with the loss of both your Dad and your Mom. The people who are raising you are concerned for your welfare. You should not hold that against them. I am sorry that your life has been filled with chaos, dysfunction and tragedy. Please talk to someone who can help you through this difficult time.

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