Is it harder to get a "closed" adoption?

Randy B

Since the openness of an adoption cannot be enforced in most cases I'd say that all adoptions are essentially closed to begin with. Even if it's agreed that it's open at the start, if either sets of parents change their mind and things slam shut there is not much that can be done about it. Thats one of the main complaints that many people here have.

BTW, both of my adoptions are closed. One was international and there was nobody on the other end to be open with and the one that was domestic was decided to be closed by CAS, given the bio's history. Even if they had not made the decision at the time PGO was granted, my wife and I would have given the drug and criminal history of both birth parents.

dory

Of course YOU don't like the idea of open adoption but have you considered what your future child might like?

spydermomma

It is kind of scary to think about, isn't it? It is different from most families and there aren't any real models or rules about how these relationships work.

But it truly is in the best interests of the child to have their first parents in their lives, to grow up knowing where they came from and that their first parents love them, to have them there to ask "why was I adopted?".

Sometimes this isn't possible. A lot of the time when children are adopted through foster care the social workers and courts decide that contact is not in the child's best interest. But even with foster care it often is. So often children think or feel they weren't "kept" by their first parents because there was something wrong or unlovable about them. If they see that their parents were unable to cope with raising >any< child, then it may make it a little easier on them.

A lot of what is scary about open adoption is the unknown factor. It isn't the traditional model of a family. But >adoption< isn't the traditional model of a family. Adoptive families and adoptive parenting are just different. And yes, they are more complicated, but when you decide to adopt you have to be aware of this from the beginning and go in with your eyes open -- for the good of the child. It won't make it easier in the long run to have a closed adoption -- it will make it harder -- much harder for the child.

It will be a lot less scary if you know families like this. Try to connect to an adoption support group and talk to some families. Or have the adoption agency connect you to families in open adoption. It is always best for kids to have lots of people that love them -- those that brought them into the world especially.

LaurieDB

Let me preface by saying that I'm not addressing situations where abuse by the first parents exists. Those adoptions are unlikely to be open, as the court is not likely to allow contact in these situations. I am speaking of situations where there isn't abuse, and the factor of choice exists.

When the factor of choice exists, closed adoption is not in the best interests of the child. The whole reason that a child is supposed to be "available for adoption" is that those involved believe it to be in the child's best interests at that time. The adoption itself, therefore, is to be done with the child's best interests in mind, not simply the desires of the adults.

Choosing an adoption that will allow you to keep the facts of the child's origins from him or her is selfish and unethical. Everyone deserves at the very least the truth of his or her own beginnings.

If you are too selfish, lazy or insecure to have a child and his or her first parents know each other -- or simply about each other -- following the adoption, then adoption isn't right for you. Your interests are more about your wants, needs and desires than the child's needs.

Felicita1

Well, open adoption began because when the Baby Scoop Era ended and women could no longer be forced to carry their pregnancies to term and surrender their babies in droves, agencies faced bankruptcy. They found that offering open adoption would convince more mothers to surrender babies they otherwise would have kept.

Few mothers will surrender a baby they love without some idea of who is adopting it and how that baby fares as the years pass. Plus most mothers want to be able to see their babies as they grow up. It is natural.

What do you believe you will gain from a closed adoption? Closed adotions do not prevent reunion, or the adoptee establishing a loving family relationship with their natural parents again. My son was lost to a closed adoption. I found him when he was 19, after 19 years of searching for him. Since our reunion, he legally changed his name back, calls me "Mom" and I have adopted him back. A closed adoption did not end our original family relationship.

If you believe that adoption is a lifetime guarantee of 'a child of your own,' you may be mistaken.

ETA -- i hope that you are not one of those who will promise an open adoption to a mother so you can obtain her baby, and then close it once you have obtained what you want.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Of course *YOU* want it to be closed. You obviously aren't looking out for the best intrest of the child and therefore you shouldn't adopt. Adoption should not be about *YOU* it should be about the child.

ladedamom

Adoptive families are all a little "non traditional" aren't they? lol.
It happens, but finding a birth mother that wants the same may not be easy. It will prolong your wait considerably with an agency or may have a birth parent say "no " to the match with you.
It is best to be upfront though and say you want a closed adoption rather than say "open is fine" and not keep your promise. Just know it will drag the wait out longer. See my response to your other question that was reworded from this too.
As far as someone else who said "adoption is not permanent for the child" is WRONG. Adoption is FOREVER, and while they may have had a unique situation it is NOT normal for an adoptee to be adopted back later on by birth family.

runnercaiti1

It is the birth mother's choice.

Indian-vision

You can give your criteria and wait to be matched with an expectant mom who would like the same. It happens.

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