Is it insulting for old friends to assume that you never would have had biological children?
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Is it insulting for old friends to assume that you never would have had biological children?
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A very old friend who I don't get to talk to much anymore told me that she always knew I wouldn't have biological children. She thought that I would spend my whole life taking in teen mothers, recovering drug addicts, neighborhood (etc, etc) children. I don't know how to take it. She didn't necessarily ever think that I would ever adopt...just be like some "unofficial foster parent". That seems kind of harsh. Why wouldn't I ever want to be a parent to any of the children? It's true, I have been taking in children since I was 16, but wouldn't that make people assume that I would some day be a mother? I even took her sister's kids for 3 years off and on.
I am not really insulted, but maybe amazed. I don't know many people who try to help kids as much as I did that I didn't think would be parents.
Additional Details
Eh, she's a bit of a blunt person anyhow. I am suprised she didn't tell me before this.
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CrazyCatLady
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If I were you I would be confused as well. But honestly I don't think she meant it in a bad way. Just that you have a good heart. You've been friends practically all your lives so she must admire you in some way. Perhaps she just didn't know how to phrase it and it came out weird. I can't be positive since I don't personally know your friend but if I were you I would ask her exactly what she meant by that. I'm sure she meant it to be a compliment instead of an insult. Like perhaps you would be too busy caring for everybody else's kids that you wouldn't take time to have your own kids? |
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Freckle Face
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Hi Just a Mom,
I find when people assume they are usually wrong.
I'd tell her that's what you get for making assumptions about me. (with a giggle of course)
Or why didn't you ask? I would have told you i always wanted to be a mother.
Us adoptive mom's, we learn with time to think quick on our feet with the smart alec comebacks:) |
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monkeykitty83
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It seems like overall she was trying to compliment you, saying that you would spend your life helping others. Basically saying you have a big heart, and care about more people than just your own blood.
It's a rather clumsy compliment, and you can do pro-social things whether or not you can have biological children, but I personally would try to take it in a positive spirit. I don't think she meant to offend you. |
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Penny A (Vanessa)
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What is there to be insulted/amazed about? I think she's just sharing an observation with you. Correct her if she's wrong. Don't waste your time worrying about what other people assume, let them think what they like.
It's easy to correct an opinion, just say 'sorry I disagree because (fill in the blank)' Not hard. |
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♥♥Mum To Superkids♥♥
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I'd let her know that her assumptions are just that, assumptions. Maybe she actually meant it in a positive way, as in she saw you always going out of your way to help others and she just thought that was what you would continue to do.
I get where you're coming from, you kind of wonder how someone who knows you so well can get something so wrong, but don't forget a lot of people tend to project their own thoughts or feelings about something onto others.
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j00r
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I'd be insulted, but that's just me. I'm sure she didn't mean it rudely, though. However, I'd still feel she had put it a bit bluntly. |
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