Is it more important for an adopted child to grow up in their birth country, or know the truth of their adopti?
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Is it more important for an adopted child to grow up in their birth country, or know the truth of their adopti?
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We adopted our children from Korea. The Korean government takes measures to find a Korean adoptive family first before the child is allowed to to be adopted internationally. Although I realize the benifits of this, I also have found that because of cultural attitudes, most adoptions by Korean citizens are kept completely secret- meaning the child and others are never told of the adoption.
So, what I'm wondering is if being raised by the first-parents is not an option, is it better fior the child to be adopted by a Korean family, raised, within their culture, but never told the truth, or us it better to be aopted internationally, as long as the adoptive parents keep the child connected to their birth culture as much as posible, so that the adoptee can know the truth of their adoption, and have the possibilit of one day reuniting with their first- mother.
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We were first told about most adoptions in Korea being secret by our social worker, so I asked a few people I know that are from Korea, including a man whose mother use to work for an adoption agency there, and they said that the child would usually not be told. One friend explained that part of the reason is that there's a such a stigma about being an "illegitamate child", and importance put on the family blood line that they probably think they are protecting the child. She also said that her parents would have NEVER allowed her to marry someone who was adopted or born to a single mom.
Here are a few articles about it, I promise, I didn't just make this up for the sake of arguement.
http://mpak.com/WhySecretAdoption.htm#WhySecret
http://www.seoulselection.com/streetwise_read.html?cid=1648
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vmarie84
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Speaking as an adopted person and having been given false information, I believe the truth is always better. Lies only hurt people in the end. Good luck! |
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Randy B
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I'm never a fan of keeping someones adoption a secret. I knew about mine from the beginning and I saw the harm done to my grandmother when she found out, at 67 years old, that she had been adopted as an infant as well. Its just not right.
Let them know as much as they can process as they grow older and be ready to answer any questions they may have. |
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Indian-vision
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Wow this is interesting. But this is exactly what happens in India too. Indian AP's prefer keeping it a secret.
I had to argue once with a A.mother over this. She felt revealing my child's adopted status shows i am discriminating. I had to educate her. She was the sort to turn up in the neighbourhood and say "i just delivered". Gosh it was more riddicules as no one had seen her pregnant. Once i confronted her she got into this explanation that she loves this child and won't hurt him with the truth.
My 2 Aunts kept it a secret from their kids too. One has discovered. The other cousin of mine is still in the dark and he's 17 .
I do feel its better a child be in their culture with a family with in the country IF THE CHOICE IS AVAILABLE.
And lies are downright hurtfull and will come and bite people in their butts some day. |
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Sophie
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The truth is better. |
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kateiskate
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I think the truth is always better. |
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melemitz1
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I am an adoptee and my parents always explained to me (as young as I can remember) that I was so special and that they wanted me so bad and could not have children that they adopted me. At the time I didn't understand what adoption was, but it was always described to me in a positive light and I was always fine with it. Now that I'm grown I am glad that my parents always explained the truth with me because I think children that grow up lied to creates issues as an adult. |
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♥
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As long as the child always knows that they are adopted, then they won't get hurt. |
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Independ"ant"
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Are you stating that its the norm in Korea or a hypothetical. How do you know that adoptee's are not told. Maybe they just don't tell everyone outside the family because its not as obvious.
Staying in their native country amongst everything that is familiar is extremely beneficial.
I get what your saying but they will be dealing with racism and discrimination here in the states just as much if not more than back home especially if amom is of a different race or culture.
One big thing that they won't have to deal with is a lose of culture and native language fluency. Thats another thing you will never be able to prevent or help them with. On one level or another your children will feel isolated and different from the rest of your family and community.
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almost human
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There is something missing in this question:
The adoptee will not know the whole truth in either scenario. Just ask all the KAD's who try to get information from their adoption files.
Both scenarios are bad. But I can tell you that growing up in America as a transracial adoptee made life extra challenging here. I would rather have grown up not viewed by society as an alien. |
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