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Felicita1
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Interesting question because my son was adopted by people who later had of their own. They adopted because they thought they could not get pregnant. Then later on, two "surprise babies" were conceived when they were in their mid-30s.
So ironic as one of the pressure-tactics applied to me to force me to sign papers was the social worker and my parents telling me that i had NO right to keep my baby when there was this poor infertile couple out there who deserved him and who I should think about. Their "NEED" for ANY baby was considered superior to my own need to keep MY baby.
So, if they adopted on pretense of being infertile, and then had 2 of their own, morally maybe they should have returned my son to me? He certainly wanted that, as did I.
He was never treated the same way as the 2 natural children of his (former) adoptive parents. He never felt loved. I am glad I found him again. |
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Kim
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Yeah, a lot of people say that, but I don't think it's true. Studies that I've seen show that about 5% of people with infertility problems "miraculously" conceive after adopting. But that's about the same amount who "miraculously" conceive after stopping infertility treatments.
Perhaps, for some couples, there's something to the "it will happen as soon as you stop trying" theory, but if someone were adopting with the ultimate goal of becoming pregnant, they'd even negate that!
No, people should not adopt with the hope of "curing" infertility!
ETA: I'm pretty sure this is a hypothetical question. |
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I Love A Child With Autism!!!
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Children are not meant to be adopted as a "good luck charm". If you choose to adopt, you should do so for the right reasons...not selfish reasons. Are you going to tell the child when they are grown that you only adopted them so you could conceive a biological child?n How will that make THEM feel?
I am one of the people that got miraculously pregnant after adopting 2 beautiful girls. I worry every day that my two older children are going to somehow feel inferior to my youngest child. Not because I feel that way...but because people like YOU make it feel that way by insinuating that an adopted child is less than or a consolation prize.
Please do not adopt until you educate yourself on how adoption makes the CHILD feel. Adoption is not a cure for infertility and never should be. Deal with your own issues, it is not a child's job to fill the void infertility had given you! |
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Indian-vision
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I have never come across a person that intentionally adopted to get pregnant till date. Those people that said "they got pregnant after adoption" were not intenionally planning it as such (this is for the majority). It just happened and they spoke about it like "how strange it was!"
And if any one adopts with those intentions and hopes should never adopt. And yes its not ethical too. |
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Sly
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Maybe,
I think that this would sort of shoot the argument about adoption being all about the child's best interest right in the foot, now wouldn't it? It would show who adoption is REALLY about, and would certainly be a miserable use of a poor child.
That said, I know it's done. It would be interesting to ask how many adoptees here actually WERE cures for their AP's infertility. |
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Andraya
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oh fer sure! Just tell the social worker that at your homestudy and they will push your paperwork through like lightning... Right to the TRASH pile.
Are you aware that you are talking about using an innocent child to possibly further your own gains?? Sick. |
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Jennifer L
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This falls into the catagory of "Just RELAX and it will happen."
Generally, it's always spoken by people who have never struggled with infertility and have no comprehension of how hurtful and demeaning comments like this can be.
It's not a "lot of" people, it's a very tiny fraction.
But if a couple decides to pursue adoption, they should not (in my opinion) pursue infertility treatments with the hopes either conceiving and adoption or "going with whatever happens first."
PAPs need to be 100% on board and committed. |
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Heather B
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No that's absolutely not OK
For once I categorically agree with Carnie's answer :) |
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Annabelle
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Actually the statistics for concieving after infertility and concieving after infertility/adoption are the same. It a very popular misconception.
And if it were true its a terrible reason to adopt. |
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LaraSue
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No, I think that is a dumb reason to adopt.
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Independ"ant"
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No its not okay. It sounds a little like biblical mythology.
I would say that thinking falls under temporary insanity that developed from desperation. When will those types of people get over themselves.
You should send this question to the show Myth Busters to give them a good laugh. |
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Zeena
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I think that they are delusional and attempting to adopt for all the wrong reasons. |
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Carnie C
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sure why not -- kids are used as good luck charms all around the world. what are you going to do with this little good luck charm you just adopted once your wish comes true -- send him back?
maybe you should just pray, light a candle, make a wish and blow out your candles, have better karma, see a better doctor (or psych for that matter), use some feng shui -- do something but don't adopt a kid -- you don't deserve an adoptable, loving kid. |
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Randy B
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I don't know the logistics and biology of it but I do know that my wife and I were both declared unable to conceive and as soon as we adopted our oldest we became pregnant. We were never able to conceive again after that and all Doctors have told us we should not have gotten pregnant but we did.
I knew a woman as well who could never have children, adopted from China and within the next few months she was pregnant as well.
Perhaps it's something to do with no trying so hard and reduced stress over the issue.
And for those who think it's sick to do this, I agree but re-read the ladies question. She's not saying she is doing this or that she would consider it. She is only asking about the theory and for people opinions. |
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tish
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sure. if the child conceived is placed with another family. after all, don't we want to spread the joy??
seriously, i hear this a lot also, and it's almost as ridiculous as getting pregnant to keep a man.
adoption doesn't cure infertility. |
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Zuko
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NO... this is NOT okay.
Children should not come into life or a family with a JOB. If you DO conceive, well, then you have your miracle baby and the adoptee ends up taking a back seat.
If you don't conceive, then you're left with just that one adoptee... either their resented for not doing 'their job' or the *have* to live up to the parents' expectations of the biological child they never had.
It's unfair and cruel. Adoptees are not guinea pigs, regardless of how the current system treats them. |
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Crucio
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No I don’t think one should adopt in the hopes that once they do they will eventually conceive naturally. The truth is that is not going to always be the case. Yes sometimes it does happen often its felt that the stress is removed because the couple now has a baby/child. However I doubt the stress would be removed if the couple solely adopted hoping that they would then be able to conceive a child. In most cases where this happens the couple is not even expecting it to happen in many cases they have moved past their inability to have a natural child. There was a woman on adoption.com she and her husband had adopted they knew that they wanted to eventually adopt another child well low and behold when their son was 11 months old they got pregnant. It was a total shock. I believe she even said they still hoped to adopt again one day. |
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cmc
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I think it is a stupid idea. It does happen but most people that adopt after infertility do NOT get pregnant. Also you would have to lie in your homestudy.
Question: why do you want to adopt.
Answer: because I want to get pregnant. |
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sunny
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Don't count on it. |
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Serenity71
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I had people casually throw lines like this to me at the time our child was placed with us. "Oh, now you'll fall pregnant..." How dare they. I thought. Do they have any idea of the heartache we went through, and now we have the joy of a child and that's all they can say? (With how low adoptions are in my country, its even rarer for that to happen.)
Besides our child isn't second best to a biological child. We can't have a baby,(complications) and for 13 years we tried the traditional way. Now I'm glad it didn't happen that way. We wouldn't have our beautiful daughter otherwise.
Besides if that's your reason, you shouldn't be adopting a child at all.
Those comments were from people who had no trouble falling pregnant and didn't have to attend parenting seminars like we did I might add. And they have No idea on what it is to adopt a child with your heart. OR what happens in modern day adoptions in their own country. (Aust) They base their ideas on what happens overseas (US in our case.) or what happened 30 years ago. I send them to local Government website now if they want an update. |
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sizesmith
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Many times, it has happened. If you adopt, make SURE that you know in your heart that you would love that child unconditionally, that you have come to terms with not (or even possibly) having a child in the future.
The reason it happens in some cases, is that after the child one adopts is in the household, then the couple diverts their thought processes to other things than TTC. At that point, the stress is off, and because of this, they are finally able to conceive. |
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