Is it ok to want an adoption.....?

DevonChaos

Being sad is understandable, but really, its selfish. I don't mean this in a negative way, though. The sadness is for yourself, not for the baby or the mother who get to stay together. Whenever I hear about a mother who was considering adoption who then decided to keep the baby, it warms my heart. Society tells so many women that for one reason or another, they are unfit, when they are really THE most fit person to take care of the baby. Money comes and goes, people mature, situations change... but a baby is always yours, in your heart and soul. I know as an adoptee, that if I could, I would have rather been raised by my first mother, even if we were dirt poor. The "things" in life mean nothing, if you don't have a real family to share with.

tish_part deux

yes..

it shows that you're compassionate. and are NOT placing your needs above that of a mother and child.

Robin W

Every mother should be encouraged to keep her child. Infant adoption is the worst kind of torture for the mother, either at the beginning of the adoption loss and all through her life, or as an awful awakening from denial. What would be wrong would be for you to feel that the mother had no right to change her mind or that you are, somehow, entitled to that mother's infant because you consider yourself to be "more fit to parent."

Please think of it this way...those who are in a so-called "failed adoption" are only mourning the idea of a child. The mother who loses her child to be placed with another family mourns a real, flesh and blood infant that she carried in her body for nine months. Bonding begins before birth and that has been proven.

Have you considered an older, perhaps special needs child as an appropriate outlet for your love and nurture? There are many children like these that have no one at all, in their natural families, to care for them.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

ABSOLUTELY!!!

It is refreshing to hear that actually!

Yes, I am sure that it must be heartbreaking for the PAP's when a mother decides to parent her child. But I however, jump for JOY at that! Children are supposed to be with their mother, (aside from abuse or neglect) not with strangers who just "want them really bad". No amount of love can make up for the loss of your family.

Just a Mom

Many things in the world of adoption are bittersweet. I was very excited to get to adopt my foster children, but I was also bummed for their first mom.

Things aren't very black and white anymore. Just a constant gray.

Jackie B

As heartbreaking as a failed adoption would be to the a parents, I'm sure there's a lot of anger involved, but in the long run, as long as the b mom is able to take care of her baby, you have to respect that. The baby is hers to make decisions about. I've never been in that situation and I'm not sure how I'd feel, probably pretty negative, but I hope in time I'd come to accept that the right choice is made. If I did adopt a child and the b mother seemed ambivalent about it but decided she'd sign the papers anyway, I don't know if I could sleep at night knowing that she wasn't really sure. I do think all b mothers just shouldn't pass the baby off right after birth (I've seen it happen-- the mother didn't even look at her baby) but be allowed to spend time with the baby to be sure, really sure this is what she wanted. I think a good way to handle this is that if the mother is adamant that she wants to do this, I'd want to enforce an open arrangement. Maybe she wouldn't take me up on the offer, but I'd want to keep that door open for her.

friends R gifts we give ourself

totally, it's wonderful, a little sad but it's great that they change their minds.

Natalie with two more on the way

Sometimes it makes me happy, sometime it makes me sad.
I can be selfish when I hear about mothers who have children and treat them horridly and think 'I would look after them much better than that.' especially if it is a mother with a rough background etc. But if it's a mum who's partner left etc.- if it seems right for her to have a baby, I'll be happy for her. It just depends!

Sophie

I've always wanted the best for my son. For the almost 8 months that he was in foster care, I was afraid to call him my son (he was in a foster family in Guatemala and we hadn't met yet- all I had wereregular medical updates and occasional photos, even though in my heart I was already his Mommy.

As for wanting what's best for him, I would have been happy if he was able to stay with his natural family. I do believe in fate. I would have believed that he needed an extra Mommy around praying for him and thinking of him during that timeframe and that it was just meant to be that his natural mother could care for him. I would have believed that that experience made me and him a better person somehow. AND I'd be very sad, too, because I'd miss him.

But, it happened the way it did and I was able to adopt him. Therefore, it was our fate to be family. Yes, I am very happy about it.

Why would anyone want to allow a parent to adopt their child if they didn't want to be a parent? Seriously.

allchildrenareangels

I failed adoption is very painful. It feels like you are losing your child. It is horrible. Of course you are happy for the mom but, it is very painful. I think when it happened to us I cried for a long time and so hard I felt like I couldn't breath. It just felt like it couldn't be over and was hard to except for a little while. Of course I didn't talk to the mom about this it is something that was kept between my husband and I.

Love,
Michelle

Biena

Little miracles have a way of finding there way to the right arms.
Life takes us all down winding roads but your always where your supposed to be. Best of luck with your adoption.

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