Is it possible to become a foster/adoptive parent if you are in an open marriage and swinger lifestyle?

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have 3 children already. For the past 7 years we have been in an open marriage and engaged in swingers activities. Our children have not been exposed to, or adversely affected by our lifestyle. We have a very stable relationship and home life for our children. We would love to become foster parents, or even adoptive parents should the situation call for it, especially to older children but fear that our lifestyle, while not affecting our children, may prevent us from doing so. We're also slightly worried that a social worker may learn of our lifestyle and decide to 'investigate' our children. Obviously we have nothing to hide but this would be extremely unpleasant and unnecessary for our kids.

Also, not telling a social worker is not an option. I am aware that they ask questions about your relationship and personal life and we do not wish to lie or omit anything about ourselves.
Additional Details
CathRun, can you tell me why exactly our biological children should be taken off us? They are loved, well cared for, doing well at school and with friends, well adjusted, and have a very stable home life with two parents who care for them very well. They are not neglected, or abused, or ever exposed to anything 'adult'. Please tell me exactly why we are not fit parents?

realmom lese

What you do in your bedroom, is no ones business, but if I knew about your lifestyle it would certainly eliminate you from adopting my child if I were placing.

I don't believe in open marriages, or swinging, and even if my kids were not exposed to the actual "action" they would be exposed to a mindset that I am morally opposed to.

No offense. I would not place my child in your home, and I feel certain that foster care would not either if they knew your lifestyle.

Lisa K

Hi, The regulations are different from Country to country.

I am in Australia and going through the tedious Foster Care Application process. I can tell you that they do not leave one stone unturned. It is a very biased process and you must fit their specialised criteria or the answer is simply no.

Unfortunately your lifestyle will most likely not be accepted as an environment they want foster children in. Personally I have never been involved in your lifestyle, and so am not going to try to judge it, However it is something that is not socially accepted as being normal and so I do not believe you will be able to foster children.

Could you imagine the Headlines in the Newspapers if something happened to one of you foster children and they found out about your swinger lifestyle, the scandal this could be twisted to look like against yourselves and the Government.

You can always try but unfortunately I dont think the prognosis will be good.

allchildrenareangels

I hope you can't that is just not appropriate. I would be worried the children might find out. I would screw up their morals and sense of right and wrong. I mean they will think if it is okay for mom and dad why shouldn't we have a life like this. Ewww I am sorry I just don't agree with your life style or having children in the same home. I mean why get married if you don't honor your vows. I mean if you just want to date you should just date.

melissa

Being a swinger might look as if you cannot commit so...that is something you should consider.

Redheaded Stepchild

Well, there are a lot of stereotypes about your lifestyle out there. Even if you get an open minded social worker to approve your application, I'd be worried about later on down the line when others learn of your activities. If I were you, I'd steer clear of fostering and adoption. Not because you're doing anything wrong, but because if you do one little thing wrong while you're fostering, it could get turned into something enormous, and I'd hate to see you going to jail or something. A better way to help kids would be to work at the boys and girls club or be a big brother/big sister or something. Make sure whatever you do, it's out in public. Again, not because you're doing something wrong, but if someone hears about your lifestyle, things could get really bad for you really fast, and if you don't have documentation about where you were with those kids every second, things could go downhill real fast. Imagine if one of these answerers were your social worker/judge/lawyer, etc.? Not a good situation. Protect your own butt first and foremost.

sizesmith

The "secret" you're keeping from your children and trying to keep from a social worker might be "secret" now, but eventually, someone will tell someone, and then everyone will know.

I had a friend who told me that she had that lifestyle years earlier with her first husband. She didn't tell the 2nd husband about it, but he found out, because her teenage daughter's friend's step-mother mentioned that she didn't want the friend to be around the woman because of her former lifestyle, and their world came crashing down, ending what was a great marriage in most ways (except honesty) down the toilet, it crushed her daughter, who luckily escaped a suicide attempt with little more than a few broken bones and a totalled car, and even though the woman hadn't done it but a few times, her life in that town was ruined. She also wasn't out on drugs, but the acceptibility of that type of lifestyle hasn't caught up to mainstream USA very much. When she told me of what she'd done, it started over viewing an auctioneer's picture in the paper in an ad, and telling about her experience with him.

Except for relationships between a man and wife, if you wouldn't tell your kids and your mother and the social worker about it, and if you have to ask on Y/A, then it isn't a very good choice.

No social worker would place foster kids into this situation. If you ever were "found out" by someone, the results of the kids being placed into another home once they were settled and trying to get their lives back into focus could be devastating. It's too selfish to ask to be a foster parent if you have this type of lifestyle.

Molly J

It most likely will effect your chances. Any social worker will argue it is impossible that it does not affect your children.

Angry

I would like to share your wife with you

AIM: Dilutedpurities

Lets make this happen

CathRun

Wow.
Where to start? The social worker will find out about your lifestyle and will probably determine that your home may not be the very best environment to bring a child into.
Interesting how no one cared enough to bother with that for your biological children, don't you think?

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