Is it really a good idea for people to talk some one into keeping a baby when they want adoption???

Okay so I know a lot of people try to talk ladies into keeping their babies when they feel that adoption is best because they aren't ready. Also a lot of young ladies parents force them into keeping their baby. Is that really the best thing?????? Do you think a lot of babies end up abused, neglected or just in very unhappy homes because, their parents were forced to keep them. I know people that want them to keep the baby really have their best interest at heart. I know little Kaley's situation is extreme but, it makes you think.

The Tot Mom wanted to put Kaley up for adoption. She had found someone who couldn't have children and wanted Kaley very much. They had started going through the adoption process. She knew she didn't want to raise her before she was born. Her mom found out and forced her into parenting. Now Kaley is dead when she could be with a loving family right now. Is forcing people to parent really the best thing??? I know a lot of people say that they couldn't have forced her but, parents can put a lot of pressure on young girls enough to make them feel like they have no other choice.

No bashing!!!!!!!!!!!! Just curious on people's opinions.
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night music honestly I think just as many girls are forced to parent as ones that are tried to talk into adoption. My husband and I have been hoping to adopt. We have been matched before one of the young ladies her mom went out and bought everything for the baby knowing she wanted to put it up for adoption. She did that to make her feel guilty. The young lady had just graduated from high school and hadn't got to go to college yet. The only job she could get was at a wal mart. Her mom told her if she didn't keep the baby she would have to find a place to live. So she kept the baby.

I also know of another young lady that got pregnant with twins by rape. The babies look just like the rapist. The mother has taken her out of school and is making her do schooling at home. She also told her if she didn't breast feed and be a good mother she would kick her out. The mom is 14. She has told me she hates the babies and can't stand the site of them. Yet she has no choice but, to parent.

realmom lese

The same could be said about coercing young vulnerable pregnant girls to give their babies up for adoption. If they weren't pushed into that option, some fatalities may have been prevented, as well as many, many other primal losses.

My daughter could've very easily been a fatality from the abuse she suffered at the hands of the "better" adoptive parents that she was entrusted to.

melissa

People, she is NOT talking about mothers who are "forced" to give their kids up and she is not talking about every mother who is "forced" to keep the kid and turn around to become abusive.

The REALITY is, there are MANY different situations when it comes to children.No two cases are alike.There are A LOT of children who would have been better off without there biological families.

Take my ex neighbors for example, that lady obviously didn't comprehend the concept of birth control and popped out 5 kids.She is a drug addict along with her husband.The kids would be better off without their parents but their Grandma "forced" the mother and father to keep the kids claiming she will "raise" them.(And by raise them I mean sitting on her *** all day watching Jerry Springer, drinking and smoking while the kids run about the neighborhood alone)

Kids are abused by people who don't love them.In some cases, those parents were compelled/forced to keep the child.

tish_part deux

i have a question: what about the "pressure' placed on young girls to give up their babies??? what about that?

ok..my opinion:

1) crisis pregnancy sites do not market to "girls who are pregnant and don't want to parent". they market to all scared young pregnant women (unmarried) as "this is the only way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy." hence, parenting is painted as insurmountable, abortion as murder, and adoption as wonderful... if someone truly doesn't want to parent, and is abusive then the child would be better elsewhere. the only problem with that is i wonder what percentage of total adoptions are of these "resolved relinquishers" and how many simply scared young women who lacked support.

2) anthony is a sociopath. there are many young women who became a parent early and did not kill their child. BTW, i challenge the assumption that the child would have been with a "loving family." there is no way to know that.

3) don't ask a loaded question and then dictate our behavior. that's stank.

4) young women should be given all choices, with full disclosure (not "adoption is wonderful", "abortion is murder" and "you will abuse your baby and end up on welfare if you parent")

ETA: um...i answered your question.

tish: "if someone truly doesn't want to parent, and is abusive then the child would be better elsewhere. "

bottom-line: don't load your question with unsubstantiated stats and sensationalized stories, and then set the rules for engagement.. that's bad form.

Lisa

Forcing someone to keep their kid is not going to make them abuse. Mental illness might.

If "forcing" someone to do something against their wishes is the prerequisite for alleged murder, then I would think a lot of natural moms would have cleaned out the adoption agencies a long time ago!

Felicita1

No woman is ever "forced" to keep her baby. That is a falsedhood. Just because a woman isn't surrendering her baby at birth doesn't mean that she can't do it any time until the child is 18.

However, what many of us are saying is that you cannot make an informed choice about adoption until you have recovered from birth. That is the bare minimum. Heck, post-partum depression and post-partum psychosis are common, especially the former, and should a woman lose her baby because she is suffering from one of these conditions and surrenders because she feels she cannot cope, when both are treatable? During pregnancy is NOT the right time to be deciding about adoption. Plus, an expectant and birthing mother is vulnerable to coercion due to the extreme hormonal fluctuations.

Once you surrender your baby, it is forever. However, if you keep your baby, it is as long as you decide for. It is NOT forever, if you decide you do not love or want your baby. No-one forced "The Tot Mom" to keep her baby. If a mother decides after recovering from birth, and if provided with all the resources and support she needs to be a good parents, that she does not love or want her baby, adoption is always there.

Why do people get hooked into the idea that adoption MUST take place at birth? Did you know that this practice arose in the 1950s baby scoop era for the sole reason that it would get more mothers to surrender their babies if you could separate them as soon as possible post-birth, even taking them right at birth to prevent contact between mother and baby? It has never been necessary in adoption.

This line about being "forced to keep her baby" is an NCFA and adoption agency scare tactic. So facetious question: Which one are you working for???

Flying Monkey #073177

Guess I'll go kill my three year old since her father coerced me into opting out of an abortion thus forcing me to raise a child.

Please remove your head, it must smell awful up there.

nightmusic

If the grandparents want the baby that badly than they should raise it. It is clearly a cruel thing to force a baby to be in a home where it's not wanted. Anyone who can't see that is not thinking of the baby at all. I didn't know so many young girls were being forced to raise their babies. That's horrible. Some kind of organization should be started to help them stand up to this pressure for their sake and the babies'.

kateiskate

I think it IS a good idea to let women know that they CAN parent their kids. If they want adoption that badly, they are free to make that decision. However, I don't think you should make any choice without learning about both sides of the situation before you make your decision.

Casey Anthony is very mentally ill. To compare her situation to other young moms keeping their babies is very short sighted. So maybe a young girl does give her child up for adoption. Who is to say the adoptive parent won't abuse that child or kill it? Who is to say which decision is right?

Adoption is not a better life, but a different one in which all things good and bad are also possible

Ginger S

I think sometimes parents do it because they don't want to see their grandchild raised by another family. I do think it is wrong and it should have been her decision to put her child up for adoption... like you said parents do sometimes pressure young girls and they think they have no other options because they don't want their parents to disown them. It was very sad what happened to this little girl.

Philippa

Wish someone had supported me when I wanted to keep my son!!!!

Just because a mother is persuaded to keep her baby doesn't mean she'll be a bad mother.

tami

i think if they're not ready then they're not ready. don't force them to do something they're not ready to.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Yes. I think it is almost ALWAYS a good thing to encourage, support, and help someone into keeping their child. This means:

1. Encouraging the young woman that "Yes you CAN do it. You CAN make it and be a good mother.
2. Making sure she understands that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Making sure she understands that adoption is not a win-win-win, sunshine and roses, and may affect her and her baby very negatively
3. Giving whatever support is necessary to keep her child.

COERCING, on the other hand, is never good. Trying to force someone's hand, is wrong. If she really wants to give up her child, and you have done the things I've mentioned, then ultimately it is her choice. Taking someone's choices from 3 down to 1 is wrong.

But I say yes, encourage her to keep the child.. There may be a risk of abuse/neglect, but I don't think it's a very high risk at ALL, and there's that risk with adoptive families as well.

HappyMomAnna

I don't think it's right to talk anyone into doing anything they don't want to do themselves.... just never had good results when I have seen it attempted.

I believe it would be a better world if people would be granted the freedom to make decisions about their own lives for their own reasons. I think everyone should encourage positive and stop being coercive in anyway.

Maybe there is some kind of test that can developed to determine if a person is subject to coercion then it might be possible to be supportive of those who are susceptible to the power of coercion and help them make decisions on their own. Decision making is a pretty basic skill and required in order to be a parent... I sort of think that someone wanting to parent or not is a decision they need to make for themselves... not sure what to say about those who are subject to coercion other then I hope it all works out.

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