Is it right for my husband to adopt...?

I want my husband to adpot my daughter. She will be 4 in may and my husband has been her dad since she was 6 months old. He is the only father that she knows. Her biological father has seen her maybe 3 times since she was born and that was back in 2005. Because my ex refused to cooperate with CPS right after she was born he has no visitation with her at all. He is suppose to pay child support but since the divorce he has racked up over $10,000 in back support that is owed. I spent last year in and out of court over that and nothing has been done, I am still not receiving support and he is still not in jail. I have spoke with my husband about this and he wants to adpot her so that way if something should happen to me, he doesn't have to go to court and fight my ex over custody. My daughter is mentally disabled and she suffers from siezures, her 'father' has no clue what kind of condition she is in and how to react to a siezure, while my husband does. Would it be better for my husband to adopt her and just cut my ex completely out of the picute or continue fighting in court over the next 20 years or so for back child support that i will never receive? Any suggestions? Comments? Opinions? Please
Additional Details
Right now my husband has total access as far as taking her to the dr, and things at school. Both are aware of her biological father's standing and have agreed not to release any information to him, so i am thankful for their understanding and I am glad that they are willing to accomidate this situation

Robin

As the mother of a son with disabilities, including seizures, I believe you should either proceed with the adoption or at least, ensure your husband has full legal guardianship. However, adoption is the best option to ensure that should something happen to you, your husband remains her primary parent and neither her bio-dad nor anyone in his family can legally fight for custody.

It's sad to say, but in a "worst case scenario" the bio-dad could collect SSDI for your daughter if he gained custody of her. And since it appears the courts are doing nothing to collect on the child support he owes, you might consider offering the bio dad a release from his debt if he signs off on the adoption. Or, you could release him only from any future child support payments. Why aren't they going after his tax returns? Arghh!

Bless you & your family!

ETA: One other thing: IF bio dad were to win custody (should something happen to you) he could cut your husband out of your daughter's life, as well as making it difficult or impossible to continue a relationship with her siblings (step & 1/2). Adoption doesn't automatically mean that bio dad is cut out of her life. That's a decision you can make should he ever decide to be in her life.

etcetera86

Does your husband want to adopt her? If so, I say go ahead with it. This deadbeat doesn't have any place to come in and object. Also, it would assure that this little girl is cared for properly by someone who loves her in the case of your being badly injured or killed in an untimely death (as awful as that is to think of). I saw a story about a man who nearly lost his daughter because he hadn't adopted her and his wife died.

rachael

this is probably going to be an unpopular answer, but here it goes anyway.

what reasoning is there for pushing an adoption? is it for insurance reasons or something along that line?
i completely understand your reasons, i see that this 'father' has made no effort to be a part of her life. and as another poster said, if you havnt gotten child support yet-you may never get it.

if he has full rights and can get her any treatment she needs. and if full cooperation is being given to protect her from any possible harm her 'father' may inflict-then i dont feel an adoption is necessary. its a lot of red tape and the possibility of re-introducing 'father' back into her life.

you would be surprised how many parents dont care one bit about their kids until they find out someone else wants them. thats when some come back full force, expecting to be and even pretending to be loving 'daddy/mommy'
your family seems to be working quite well as is. im all for rocking the boat when its needed, but this just might be a can of worms you dont want to open. not to mention...if he stays gone by his choice, you can honestly tell her one day that it was his doing. but if an adoption is done, then she MIGHT feel that you and hubby have 'cut out' her ties to her biological father.

just think through every scenerio. you may feel its the right thing, and maybe it is, but sometimes the adage 'if it aint broke dont fix it' comes into play.

no matter what you decide, i wish you luck. and kudos to hubby for doing his best.

amayaroe

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. I grew up with a dead beat father and would have loved to have just some father figure in my life. I think its a great idea to have your husband adopt your daughter.

Ally's mama

Let your husband adopt her he is her daddy. There is a difference between a father and a daddy. A father is just that, he fathered her. A daddy is someone who is there for you when you need them, someone that you can count on. Let him that way if god forbid something did happen to you. You know that she would ba taken care of and loved like she deserves.

John M

here is the general legal part you should know.

If you aren't receiving child support he has no visitation un most state laws, and in fact is a felon in most for the amount of child support he is in the rears for.

With a Judges permission you can have your ex served that your present husband wishes to adopt your child and except all future cost of child support and medical care. the Judges sets a date for him to appear, God hope he does, for with outstanding child support he will be picked up and held until he post bail or pays the court. If he doesn't show up the Judge can grant you the right to adopt this child under the eyes of the court.

She is to be covered by SSI for the rest of her life and it can be increased by your present husband making more money then your ex also.

I was adopted and I got to know three of my four parents. What a blessing to here their is a man that would take this on, knowing the expense and care she will be. Your a very lucky Lady to have both of them in your life.

Daisey Duck

Contact a lawyer. They will advise you on how to proceed. That way everything will be legal If he has no contact with her and owes the back support, you might be able to petition the court to have his parental rights taken away.

C Wood

Well, you could offer your ex the option of releasing him from paying all back child support IF he signs the papers to give up custody, and pays your court costs for the adoption. I know a lady who did this and it worked. Daddy gave up custody and new husband adopted.

It's good to know you're involved in the care of your first child who was adopted by your parents.

If your ex refuses to sign over custody, you should immediately write a will that legally gives custody of your child to your current husband based on lack of responsibility on the part of birth father as proven by his failure to pay child support.
cw

malt_soda

If your husband is willing to adopt your daughter and your ex isn't going to prevent it, I say it's a great thing. Having him as her legal father will certainly make life a lot easier especially if he wants access to her school files and medical records. Certainly though, your husband will always be her father regardless of his actual legal standing as her father.

durdenslabs

Apparently you have no responsibility for the first child either since your parents adopted that one.

The babies father would need to sign over parental rights for your husband to adopt your daughter.

If you haven't gotten any back child support by now then you probably won't ever get any. Let it go.

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