Is it still my choice, or responsibility...?

celtic.piskie

If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be super pissed that they didn't say, wouldn't you?

Your parents shouldn't be offended. To be honest, they should accept the fact that you have another set of parents.

Personally, you need to let them know.

You could save their life.

Is you parents comfort worth human life?

If you don't want contact directly, then fine. There are agencies that can act as an intermediary for you.

But please, give them al the medical information you have.

There are many of us that have genetic problems that could have been saved, if only someone had said something.

Let them know,

Sly

Certainly you have a responsibility to let them know. You would want them to do that for you, would you not?

Every major religion in the world has a form of the Golden Rule, which is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My mother put it more simply when she said, "Let your conscience be your guide."

Yes, you must do that. If they have other children or they themselves who have not been diagnosed, your diagnosis could save their lives. Why would you even hesitate?

almost human

Part of the reason I am frantic about search right now is because of my age and the age of my biological family. I am hedging against the awful scenario of finding them too late. I don't think a gravestone can tell me much.

You can (possibly) spare them a lot of misdiagnosis.
If they also have it, you can have somebody to grieve with.
If they also have it, like me you might be racing against the clock. Even if you are ambivalent about meeting them, when the clock is ticking the discomfort of reunion might outweigh the total elimination of the opportunity to meet. It wouldn't be about choices at that point.

Those are all very valid reasons for wanting to find them. A good and loving parent will support you and not take offense. It's your life and it might be short, so it should be a meaningful one you can feel at peace over.

Yes it might be harrowing. Yes it would be emotional. But f it were me, I wouldn't want that never ending question hanging over my head.

Maybe your adoption agency can do a passive search and contact for you as well. Or maybe you can have your hired search angel take on that role. That way, they can be an intermediary and inform them that your medical condition might affect them, and that you are contacting them out of concern for their welfare. It would be a buffered scenario that would give them autonomy and self determination, while putting a little introductory space between your emotions.

ETA:
And actually, with passive contact you don't have to meet them at all if you aren't ready.

Lori A

I don't think its an excuse at all. Even if it is, its your excuse not anyone Else's. I personally think you should do what ever you are comfortable with in your level of contact. If that means locating your parents and just telling them without any further contact then so be it. You might be helping other family members. You may have siblings who are struggling with the same thing. Then there is the offspring later down the line. It is possible you are the only one who has been accurately diagnosed.

It would be a sad day if someone were to be upset over informing someone else of a medical malfunction that not only could be shared but passed on over and over and over.

Jenny

Of course it is responsibility to at least let them know, if you are not ready for contact (which by the way is an emotional roller coaster) then maybe there is another way to at least get the information to your biological parents)
Ask yourself this, If they were to find out about the medical condition would you want to know ?

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!

You have the disease. There's no changing it. Nothing your bio parents can do can change that (transplants, transfusions, treatments, etc) and nothing you can do to help them if they have it.

So, this SHOULDN'T be the reason you start your search.

Wait till you want to.
Wait till your ready.
If it's a good idea now, it'll be a good idea later.

This isn't the reason, and you mention you aren't ready.

EDIT TO ADD:
So your thinking is your biological parent(s) may be suffering an undiagnosed condition, and you may shed some light and help them get treatment?

You're sweet to worry, but I think you take too much onto yourself.

If, on some small chance, you could have helped them, and didn't because you're not comfortable, well, they (and you) should count that as part of their decision to place you for adoption. When they made that decision is was for the good and the bad.

Good luck to you.

Not Adopted

If you want to search, do it. Your parents have no reason to be offended. This is about you, not them.

Carol c

Do onto others as you would have them do onto you....wouldn't you want to be notified? I certainly would.

Also, there's a strong possibility your first mother didn't know much about or have the family medical history to pass on at her young age. I certainly didn't know when I lost my son to adoption at age 18 that there would turn out to be a history of heart disease, colon and breast cancer in my family.

There is nothing wrong with having the intellectual curiosity to want to find your biological family, by the way. Not sure why this should bother your adoptive parents?

Another option is that you could contact the agency or court that handled your adoption and put a letter in the file with your updated information should your family of origin want to contact you. You would probably have to sign a Waiver of Confidentiality as well.

It is always your choice to search or not and whether your choose to or not it is your personal decision and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

As far as offending your parents, I always believe in the open and honest approach. You might be surprised, most adoptive parents are supportive of their child's decision to search out their first parents.

allchildrenareangels

If they have it and do not know it would receiving treatments improve or prolong their life. I guess if that is the case I would try to find them. At least if you try you won't have to live with guilt. If you do find them after you tell them nothing says you have to stay in touch unless you just want too. Now if they find out if there is no medical ways to make them feel better or to improve or prolong their life then it wouldn't make a difference if you let them know or not so I would just do it if you want too. I know this is difficult good luck. As far as your question goes I guess this is your choice you do not have a responsibility to do this.

Love,
Michelle

Judy F

I am also adopted and have no interest in locating my birth parents. I would not worry about finding them for this purpose. You were able to find out your diagnosis without them. If they have the disease (or are predisposed to it), there's nothing that can be done about it now. Isn't it likely they can find out the same way you did?

Lily

Just because it was not in your records does not mean they did not know you might have it. Lots of stuff is left out so the child is more adoptable. I am sure your bio parents can take care of themselves just fine.

Sufi

no, you should not use celiac disease as an excuse to find your parents. my guess is that you want to look for your firth parents and you are kind of rationalizing it with the celiac thing. i suggest taking a bit more time and seeing if the yearning to find them is something that stays with you. give it a year before you decide. but don't use the celiac's thing as an excuse. admit and understand the part of you that has those feelings and wants to find them. talk to your parents a lot about this and help them understand. don't do it without telling them as they may feel like there is a deception. you need to do more self exploration about this, you are not in touch with the whole picture here.

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