Is it wrong to hate adoption?

MammaOf2

It is not wrong to hate adoption. It's not for everyone.

PhilM

I am adopted. I was raised by two loving adoptive parents who had three bio kids of their own. If they cared for me any less, then they did a good job of hiding it. I have the normal complaints that any oldest child has (having it "rougher" than my younger siblings), but I never once felt as though I had been treated differently because I was adopted.

Having said that, I don't think it's wrong to hate adoption. I don't know that I would say I hate it, but I don't like it very much, and I certainly don't like the way it's practiced in the U.S. Adoption is, at its best, a sad necessity. More often than not, it's used as a life-style choice for adoptive and first parents, with the feelings of the child largely disregarded. Rather than acknowledging the trauma that the child has gone through (unless we think a child losing its mother at birth is a happy occasion), we pretend that adoption is an uncomplicated one-time event. It really is a life-long process that gives rise to many possible pit-falls.

Andraya

Don't worry, I hate adoption too. I hate foster care and I hate the agencies that say they help children when they really hurt them.

Adoption can be a good thing. But it takes a very special kind of person to understand all of the intricate details. Not everyone is cut out for it. Some people really think they will be good adoptive parents and they can't. Some people think they will be and they are.

Your own personal feelings about it are coming from your life experiences and that makes them 100% ok. You have every right to your emotions. Ignore the people here who are blowing the adoption is wonderful crap at you. Whatever you want to think and feel is exactly what you should think and feel.

Gershom

no its not wrong to feel that way and you're not alone at all. Infact, i'm right there with you only I was adopted! I've lived it! There are other ways to provide for children without stripping them of their name and ancestry and rights in the process of "providing them a home and lifes basic needs."

I don't agree with adoption the way its practised today at all. Too many baby traffickers, too much corruption, too many children getting screwed by the system. Agencies selling children for different prices depending on the race. CEO's and directors of non profit agencies making 300,000 a year?!?! COME ON. Its totally out of control and unregulated.

Adoption has become a way to find babies for couples/singles who want them. it stopped being about the children A LONG TIME AGO.

Its disgusting.

Gaia Raain

I am in the process of adopting, and EVEN I don't like adoption! I'm learning a lot about the unethical practices people employ in order to procure someone else's child, and the life-long feeling of loss my children will have. Not to mention the way biological family is treated, especially when they lost their parental rights through addiction.

We are adopting through the foster care system, in a state with open records, and we're learning all we can about adoption from the adoptee's point of view, as well as the corruption that goes on, BEFORE we adopt. My views on adoption, as a whole, have changed drastically since starting this process. I DO NOT like the way adoption is practiced in America. I am only glad that we are adopting because I am 100% positive that we are not adding to the corruption or harming children ourselves (except by necessity - our children would be adopted whether we adopted them or not).

Whatever experiences a person has had with adoption, it really is not, as a whole, a "good" thing.

Bun & Bub's Mama

Wrong for you to feel a certain way? Perhaps not, as we are all entitled to our own feelings and beliefs.

Offensive to parents who have adopted and loved their children just as any loving birth parent would? Probably so.

aloha.girl59

Your own opinions can never be "wrong." It doesn't necessarily mean that others will agree with you, but if you hate something, that's your opinion and your right.

If you hate adoption, don't adopt. It's simple.

I have never given birth, but I adopted my son and I can't imagine loving a child more. As for loving "my own" kids more than an adopted child -- my son *is* my own. I didn't give birth to him, but he is mine.

Theresa

It's not wrong.

I'm adopted.

I hate it.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you have every right to feel how you feel...about anything!

personally, i have a hatred for adoption as well.

please don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel.

Elizabeth

No it isn't wrong at all! I agree with you!

I'd drink a bottle of Drano before I'd ever adopt.

blooming chamomile

I want to tell you a story. I was adopted as a baby. A few years ago, my grandpa passed away. After the funeral, my great aunt (his sister) came up and told me a story...

"Once some woman came up to your grandfather and asked him, 'Don't you just love your real grandchildren a little more than your adopted ones?'. He said that he loved them all the same. She pried a bit more, 'Are you sure? I don't see how you could love adopted grandchildren just as much as natural ones.' He snapped at her. 'I love them all the same!!'. Now, I have two adopted grandchildren and I love them just as much as my biological ones, so I know how he felt." my great aunt told me.

So, people can change their minds when they're in the situation. On the other hand, it isn't for everyone and that's fine. You shouldn't adopt. Is it wrong to hate adoption? You're entitled to your opinion. You'll never convince me that it's all bad.

edit--And I don't feel that it has anything to do with how caring you are or aren't. Not at all. As a mother, I can understand your feelings completely. As an adoptee, I know that people can love their adopted children as much as if they gave birth to them.

MikeyG

No, it's not wrong.
Don't ever think that you have to compromise how you feel - your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.
Just be true to yourself.

Mommy of 2)

I didn't bond with my son right after he was born it took me time to get used to him and I delievered him. He is my whole world now. Children are truly amazing. I am looking into adoption and I know for a fact that I could love an adopted child just as much as my own. It wouldn't be instant but when you see them doing things you taught them and growing up so smart because of you. It makes them your child whether you birthed them or not. I think once you have children you will understand more...

peanut's bro

I find kids in general offensive.

Warrior Mom

Wow, a few weeks ago I would have been shocked by this question. But I have learned a lot since then about what adoptees have had to go through just to have privileges that so many of us take for granted. I really had no idea. I am beginning to understand why so many adoptees have strong feelings about adoption. There are a lot of things that have been done wrong in the past, and have not been corrected, even to this day. And there are still things being done wrong today. And that has been an eye-opener for me.

However, I can't find a way to justify "hating" adoption altogether. And, I can say, as an adoptive mother of 2, that my love for them is as real and deep as any mother's love. I have given my life and my heart to my children, and it hasn't been an easy road, either. I can only speak from my own experiences. I love my children. They came to me at ages 2 and 3 (different times). They have their challenges. They have trauma to heal that was inflicted on them before they came to live with us. We have exhausted our finances and continue to do so because nothing will ever stop us from finding the help they deserve to heal their wounds. Adoption did not cause the wounds. The life they had before adoption caused their wounds. HOWEVER, as I am learning more and more every day, adoption itself has its own challenges to deal with. Adoptive parents need to understand the needs of adoptees, whatever those needs are. They especially need to be willing to accept the reality that their child has another mother and father out there somewhere. They are just as real as the a-parents. And, at some point, the child will NEED to know them, for their own healthy self-image.

Angela B

I adopted my frist child after numerous years of trying. He is the love and joy of my life and I feel that he was meant to be in our lives. I had a child when Gabe my adopted one was 16 months old and he was 2 1/2 when little sis was born. To me they are all my precious angels. I tell Gabe all the time that Grandpa picked him out in heaven and sent him down to us. We got our all american tall left handed pitcher. My dad would of loved him. It is hetic sometimes having a 4, 3, and 2 year old but wouldn't trade it for the world. Would love to adopt baby #4 in a couple of years. If the situation horrible occurred as described above I would pick the child closest and most likely to be save. I can't ever imagine losing any of my childern. I dread the day and pray that GAbe never tell me "you're not my real mom" He is my real son and I love him so much because I longed , wished, and prayed for him for so very long. He came in a surprising way and it was meant to be.

MeerKat

so what, we should let kids rot in the foster care system?? Will that make you less angry? Adoption is and has always been a fact of life, so please get over you anger. AS an adoptee i am sick and tired of all the anti- adoption crap being thrown around, usually by bitter birth mothers who have sellers regret.

heyas

I have two children, one adopted and one natural. I love them both very much. I believe you can love adopted children just the same as birth children. I don't usually think of them as different, they both drive me equally insane!! :p

~M loves L~

i was adopted and adoption to me is just another way to start a family of your own. some people, like my foster mom, did not have a choice but to adopt if they wanted kids. my mom could not have kids. so she could only adopt. she still believes that it was truly a gift from God to be blessed with two beautiful girls (my sister and i she says) who look very much alike. its just a way to help kids who want a family and who need a family. and honestly, you can love an adopted kid just as much as your own kid. my foster mom and dad have proved that to me 100%. they watched me grow up so they know me no different then a parent would know their own child. i would adopt if i had to when im older. i would love them no matter what. but its your own opinion and you're entitled to it.

chiquita_lover911

I wouldn't say it's wrong but I wouldn't say it's right also.
Everyone has their own way to love.
Me personally, I would adopt. If I have the strength to take care and love one of my own them I would also give that same love to kid that's not mine.

To answer your other question.
Since I have 2 healthy arms, I would try and save both kids. I have 2 healthy legs that will also help me swim to the surface of the water. I wouldn't be able to choose between one or the other because I'm raising 2 children even though 1 child isn't really mine.
My mom is adopted, and I really love the way my grandma raised her. She knows who her real mother is but she denys my mom.
Even though you say you were adopted, not all adopted parents turn out to be bad. But not all biological parents are good either.

LaraSue

No, and it's not wrong to love adoption either.

Inside the Fire, Industructable

I think it's your own opinion, but I love adoption, it gives kids with no home, a chance at a normal life, with parents. I don't really understand why you cant stand adoption, but those children need a home, and some people can provide one, but are unable to have kids, like you mentioned, or just want to help.

Bayybee.

arg well its your opinion.
im adopted
i love it!! :)
i got a FAMILY YAY :DD

babe_sy

ur a entiltled to you opion but i believe thats untrue many people can love them as their own adoption is a great alteritive to abortion so i dont see the wrongs in adoption at least that way they have a chance to be loved insted of being killed in the womband every child needs to be loved as their is alot of people who dont need to raise kids so they give them up for adoption it isnt for everyone but thier isnt a reason to hate it

Bendywendy

It is not wrong for you to feel as you do as long as you do not force your opinions on others. I have adopted a little boy who I love very much. I would never hurt or abuse him and I am sure that I am not in the minority here.

Adoption is a very long gruelling and instrusive process. It is very rare for an inappropriate person to be approved as an adopter.

As for not loving a child which is not biologically yours well I had the same concerns. These soon vanished when I was introduced to my son. You see love is blind!

I am sorry that you had such a horrible experience in foster care. Maybe you should get some counselling?

sdudas

I was a product of foster care system, all I ever wanted in life was one family. Or maybe I should say a family at all. You do not have to like adoption if it is not for you, but hate is a rather strong word. Maybe you do not agree with adoption?

Is it fair that these kids grow up alone? No one to love them. No good night kiss, or hugs?

I have 4 kids 3 are mine, 1 is my step son. I love them all the same. It all depends on how big your heart is. I work with children, and I love them more than anything in this whole world. The child you speak of is not someone Else's kid; it is the child of the person who adopted it.

It sounds like you are very young and naive to this subject. Walk a mile in any of our shoes, and i think that you may get a different feeling. Have you ever lived in a n orphanage. If not, that is why you do not see the urgency for adoption.

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