Is it wrong to want to give a baby up for adoption?

xxomissaudreykaye

Honestly, I think adoption would be the best thing you could do for your baby. It gives your child to live the most normal life possible. Your child will have two parents who are in a long-term, committed relationship who are financially and emotionally ready to have a child. If your boyfriend's family adopts your baby, your child will grow up knowing that mommy and daddy aren't married and that he or she was adopted because you two weren't ready for him or her. Your child doesn't deserve that drama.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is saying that you love your child enough to admit that you might not be the best parent for him or her.

If you really want to put the baby up for adoption, explain that you want your child to have the most NORMAL life possible to your boyfriend and his family. If they love the child, not just the principle of "keeping the family together," they will understand. If they don't, they're being selfish and thinking about what they want, rather than what is best for the baby.

Good luck and hang in there. You are a really good person-- better than me, that's for sure.

gypsywinter

""if i try to give it up,he says that he and his family will adopt it""

The father of your baby has rights also..you may want to surrender your child for adoption, but evidently he does not. The father of your child will not be 'adopting' his own child..he will be exerting his father's rights to raise and parent his own child. And if he decides to accept help from his parents as well...why not, afterall they are the grandparents. Evidently you don't want the baby, but from what you are saying here the father does. The father has just as much right to his child as you, the mother. Unless you have proven evidence that he is truly 'unfit' to parent. I would suggest you think long and hard on this most life-altering decision. Not just for yourself, but for your child as well. Good Luck!

cantstopLinnyG

Of course it's not wrong, IF you know the TRUTH. Adoption is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary probelam. You will not always be a freshman in college. Your baby desreves to be raised and loved by his or her mother, and no one else. Please find out what adoption will do to you and your baby. It is NOT the job of young women to provide babies for barren women. Its your job to make sure your baby is happy and loved, BY YOU. Your baby loves you.

Also, BEWARE OF OPEN ADOPTION. It is NOT legally enforceable in any state.
http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adopti...
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/the_primal_w...
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa...

***ETA****
Your baby's father must sign over his rights if you want to put the baby up for adoption. It seems he wont let you, and that is wonderful. A baby deserves to be raised with his or her family. This baby has a father and two entire families who wants to love and raise him or her. Im sure you can work it out so that everyone, and most importantly the baby will be happy. Its really nice that the baby's 2 parents have such a great support network. Many Moms keep their babies and DONT have that.

tattooedgemini

i wouldn't say it's wrong exactly but if you are going to wait until you are completely ready to have kids you'll probably never do it. it's amazing how much your life will change and your boyfreind will start to mature when he is faced with this responsibility. besides that by the time the baby is old enough to know what is really going on around him you'll be finished school and have a career of your own so you'll be stable and have more money. i don't think any one should give their kid away if they aren't mentally unstable or something.

SJM

Yes, it's wrong to turn your child over to strangers when the child is wanted by its father and his family. It's unfortunate that you feel you will be inconvenienced by your child's presence, but the father has rights.

sam22254

If that is what you both want. Just because a couple adopt doesn't mean that they will never divorce or die and leave the child in a single parent family. Can you wonder how your child is doing all the time. Will you be able to walk away. This is a lot to think about.

Lori A

Not wrong but your reasoning is weak. Like already pointed out, perminent solution to temporary problem. Before you decide, READ. And please do not assume you know what kind of father he will be. NO ONE knows until they try. I have seen several children raised by their single fathers who did the most amazing jobs.

Find out what's in store for "you" before calling any agency, you don't need them for quite a while.

Keeping a child within family is far better for the child, they will have access to their ancestry, medical info, heritage, and direct blood relatives.

Children of adoptees suffer loss to. So do grand parents.

Crucio

Adoption has to be agreed on by both biological or in some cases legal parents. It looks like adoption is not going to been an option for you. The father would not have adopt the baby he just doesnâ€™t sign any papers giving up his rights. If both mother and father feel adoption is the best thing for them and their child I donâ€™t see anything wrong with it but itâ€™s a choice that both parents must agree too.

Sure it wouldnâ€™t be easy being 19 (or 20) and being in college and having a baby but it can be done and even more that you have support from your family and his. Some young mothers donâ€™t get much support(or any) and keep their child. Perhaps having to shuttle the baby between you and the father will be an inconvenience but that also happens to couples who are divorced or no longer together. Also remember that couples get divorced both those who have biological children and those who have adopted children. Accidents happen people die causing a single parent home. With over half of marriages ending in divorce the majority of children who have two involved parents are shuttled from parent to parent in some manner and/or are part of a blended family (step-parents/ siblings â€“ half siblings etc)

myst1998

Hey there..

Sounds like this is a difficult time for you... unplanned pregnancies are never easy...

However... be warned that these same people who will tell you it is a wonderful thing will later turn their backs on you and tell you that you have just abandoned your baby and will be treated as a second rate citizen for the rest of your life. I see it all the time... especially on places like this.

Start with doing some reading:

"The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

"Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up" by Nancy Newton Verrier

"Lost & Found" by Betty Jean Lifton

"Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

"Birthmothers" Merry Bloch Jones

Websites:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_damage_to_children.html

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/mothers.html

http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adoption/index.html

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/

http://adoptiontruth-casjoh.blogspot.com/

That should keep you busy for a while!

In the end, if you decide to palce your baby, please be armed with ALL the facts and remember that your experience may not necessarily be that of your child's.

Take care and all the best.

tish_part deux

-there is no guarantee that the "better life"you think you're giving your child, by adoption is permanent. adoptive parents divorce, file bankruptcy, have alcohol problems, are abusive, et al.

-your child's father and your baby are mutually exclusive. you can love and raise your child; yet not be with the father. millions of women do it everyday--successfully.

-your child might not think being given up by a mother who is college educated; yet made a poor choice in a partner is a great thing. many adoptees go on to resent their adoptions, and parents.

-your adopted situation is yours. you can not guarantee that this child's will be the same.

-you can not place this baby without his consent; and his family CAN petition to adopt. i would if it was my son's child.

-OPEN ADOPTION IS NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE. so if you have an inkling of an idea that you will consider an OA, please don't.

--------------------------------------...

it appears to me, that you are considering adoption because you want free of this relationship. that's a bad reason. and a bit selfish. your child should NOT have to suffer a lifetime of wondering "why did she give me up" because of your bad relationship choices.

not trying to be mean...i'm giving you the same advise that was given to me by a wonderful hospital social worker, 17 years ago.

good luck...

ETA: most of the people on this board telling you how "selfless" you are, have never been pregnant, delivered a child or made an adoption plan. and mant profit from adoption or want to adopt. in other words, no experience or self-interest.

ETA2: i'd be very careful taking advice from someone who refers to herself as "hotbottoms." -LMAO!!!

babyguurl_492

No it's not wrong but be sure of your decision. I have two children that have been adopted and I miss them every day. If you have the support of your family you should consider the option of temporarily signing over gaurdianship to a family member until you graduate and your ready. That way you can still be involved. You also just found out your pregnant and should take some time to think about it. Manely because once that child starts to grow and you feel it move and hear it's heart beat you grow attatched and the people out there that want to adopt often times get let down by birth mothers that change there minds. My situation was different from yours so I don't really know. By all means if your sure about your decision and feel it's best for your child then do it. This is a life long decision so be sure about what you do.

1'm A s3cret NiNjA!! shh!!!

You decided to get pregnant, OH WELL! Don't put the baby up for adoption! It's wrong! soooo sad!!! Poor baby...

Flying Monkey #073177

Save this link somewhere

http://www.originscanada.org/

In a few years you are going to want to have some people to talk to about all this. Giving away your child seriously f*cks with your head and it helps to have some people to talk to.

Good luck, you'll need it.

Opedial

First of all, this is YOUR choice, and no one has claims to your baby but you at this time.

Perhaps you can go somewhere and get unbiased counselling? This is a major life decision, and I would not rely fully on the opinions of people you don't know to help you make it.

What I would to is spend some time reading answers from adult adoptees and First Mothers and see more about their point of view.

I think if you have strong family supports adn can tap into community supports you can keep your child. But again, go and get counselling on this and DON'T make any decisions before the baby is born!

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

yes, it's wrong.

sizesmith

There's no right or wrong answer for you. You will search in your heart, and your brain, and your friends, and the internet. Eventually, you'll find what you need or want to do or not to do.

My prayers are with you, and if you decide to keep the baby, there's a world of resources out there for help. If you contact me, I'll e-mail them to you.

With some help, and a lot of hard work, you can be out of college in 3 years. Then, you can get a decent job. I hope things work out good, and know as an adoptive parent, who wants to adopt again, someone would be very blessed to have a child, and try for open adoption, so that way, you can always see the baby. I think it's healthier for kids. Good luck!

Mrsâ™¥xoC

There is NOTHING wrong with giving your child up for adoption. If a person truly understands and believes their child would be better off with someone else, yes. Odds are they will be. There is plenty of people out there (including myself) who are unable to have children! I would love the opportunity. My husband was in foster care his entire childhood. He never got adopted. He doesn't blame his mom. He actually has a good relationship with her. He knows the choices she made. He had a VERY hard childhood. Horrifying.

Again - As a child and even as an adult, he wakes up each day BLESSED to have his life. Although many aspects of it is grim -- he at least can say those hard times made him into the man he is today. Strong, Carefree, Loving & Honest! -- He, himself, doesn't believe he would have had a better life any other way.

In my personal opinion, you both are old enough to raise the child. I believe that if you have help for both ends... it might be hard, but you can make it work. Don't think that adoption is easy. Don't think of it as a option until you don't have a option. You do have options. You say you don't want the child bouncing around from home to home (yours and his house)... that child might bounce around 15 times before being placed in a home permanently. Maybe even more! In any case, Thank You for not choosing abortion. Please make the right decision though. God will guide your heart!

FYI (many young daddy's who haven't matured yet usually do mature after becoming a father)...

windowizard

No it is not wrong!

80% of the prison population come from single parent homes. Children in single parent homes are much more likely to be the victims and perpetrators of violent crime. Children of single parent homes are more likely to become addicted to drugs.

Children in single family homes can and do succeed. POTUS Obama is proof. The reality is that he is the anomaly.

Many on here like to talk about "The Lie We Love" the reality is that the greatest LIE WE LOVE is the myth that raising a child in a single parent setting has no consequences.

Terry F

no it is not wrong if u do not have money to take care of it and not good health and lots of things so ya but if u do have all that stuff then it is wrong good luck to u.

fire_tigeress

do what u thing is right. adopting out is not a bad thing and u dont have to put the dad on the birth cert u could adopt out and ask for privacy. tell them the situations and they will help u out just stay strong. u seem to be a very inteligent girl

emiiegirl

wow all the people saying its wrong should shut the hell up, im only 15 and feel a lot more educated than more than half these people. the fact that youe ven want to keep the baby and not get an abortion is so brave, and adoption, i feel, is the best option.
its good for both you and your child, youre just a child yourself, so why give up your life to another life ? you will be able to live how you like unitl you are truly ready to have a kid, and your child will find a loving home where he/ she will be cared for more than you could or could possibly imagine.
i was adopted as well and know it was for the best. it offends me when people say its cruel, because what i think is cruel is an unwanted child when they could be in a family that wants them more than anything in the world.
Trust me, the right thing to do for you and your child, in the long run, would be to put him/ her up for adoption and when you are ready, then you have a baby.
goodluck, i truly hope it all works out. btw, its YOUR choice, not the fathers, idk if anyone has heard of the issue and campaign of PROCHOICE but thats what i believe in.
hope everything goes well, email me if you would like: graceyface@earthlink.net

Diet C

If you don't think you can care for the baby properly in any way (emotionally, financially, etc), then it's not wrong at all. Best of luck to you.

im dead

no it is not wrong of you at all
there are plenty of people who want a newborn that dont have time/money for invitro. i think you are very strong for even think u might do this
it will be very hard but if thats what u wanna do good for u and ur karma
and thx for not aborting
i wish u all the luck in the world

No, it is never wrong to want the best for your baby and if you think your not ready follow your heart don't worry about other people even your family. There are lots of great people out there that would love to adopt a baby. Your the mother and mothers always no best.

sundragonjess

It's definately not wrong to want to give your baby up for adoption. That is your decision, but it is true that the father could take the baby if you decide you do not want it.

cmc

No, I don't think you are wrong. A child is a lifetime commitment, and deserves parents who are ready for that commitment. Please take your time, make sure you know what is best for you, and don't allow anyone to pressure you, but it is your decision to make. Be aware that some involved in adoption may try to pressure you. You can change your mind at any time until you sign papers to relinquish your parental rights - these are signed after the birth. You can choose a family before or after the birth.

Roe vs.wade supporter

defintately not. its more wrong to keep a child that you know your not ready for and let the poor thing grow up in a terrible environment. adoption is the best option in those situations

EDIT: i think your very smart for thinking that way. most girls at the high school i went to had immature boyfriends and i felt extremely sorry for their babies. the only way they were able to support the baby is with their parents help, which is so irresponsible

Edit:you people are so stupid. what makes you think that an adopted child will not be happy. and why would you try to convince a person to care for a baby if she says she isnt ready. i have never heard of such crap

edit: crucio is stupid too. like i said why would you force her to care for a baby she doesnt want rather than putting in a happy home with a husband and wife willing to love a baby. idiots.

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