Is open adoption a good thing?

Molly D

I don't like open adoption but it's up to you.
Adoptive parent should be the only parents in that child's life.
birth parent gave up that right when they gave up the child.

Hope that helps

Heather B

Knowing the truth of their origins without secrets, lies or closed doors is in the best interests of the child.

Openness and honesty in adoption is COMPULSORY in most civilized countries of the world because the results of a closed system of the past has proven not to be in the child's best interests.

Unfortunately the USA has a long way to go in catching up with the rest of the world when it comes to what is best for adoptees and donor conceived children; a long, long way

Yes, open adoption is a good thing when secrets and lies are the alternative!

IDK!!

it's not about them, it's about the kid.

jewels

That's ridiculous. They could have kept the child and had fun but not taken on the responsibility. Sadly, many parents go that route these days.

Open adoption is all about the child. Children respond so much better to openess and honesty rather than secrets and the feelings of abandonment. Children of adoption will one day realize the truth behind everything that has to do with their adoption. When adopted children become adults, they begin to figure things out and seek out the truth themselves. Isn't it better that they grow up with the truth their entire life so nothing is a big surprise to them when the become older?

My son's father is a drug dealer and has 9 children by many different women. Most people would hide this fact. I'm not going to do that. Obviously everything will be told to him at an age appropriate manner, but he will know the truth. He's going to find out one day. Is it not better for him to gradually and appropriately learn the truth, rather than feel like at 20 or 30 years old that he has been lied to his whole life?

Vice versa, my son hopefully will grow up his entire life knowing what a great person his mom (first mom) is. She will always be in his life and he will never feel like he was abandoned by her. She will always be considered his mom and not some lady who gave birth to him. That's not being honest and kids will eventually see through this BS by the time they beome adults. It's okay for him to know he has two moms. It's called honesty. Kids LOVE honesty!

I also can't wait for the day when we can find all his brothers and sisters. His mom kept her pregnancy a secret to most people (not my son's father) but she told us that eventually she will let people know she was pregnant so he can one day connect with all his extended family.

Like I said, honesty and openess are best for children in adoption. Secrets NEVER turn out good!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SECRETS ARE FOR ADOPTED PARENTS OWN SELFISHNESS AND INSECURITIES! Children do become adults and they will figure everything out. Can you imagine their bitterness towards you if you kept a secret from them because your selfish and insecure?

Freckle Face

Yes open adoption is a good thing. No open adoption is perfect because people aren't perfect but a child knowing all of their parents is priceless. Adoption should be about the child. Would your child want to know her biological parents? Look at everything from your child's point of view in regards to adoption and you will answer many of your own questions.

I am offended that you generalize and call First Parents selfish. Clearly you have never lost a child. Losing a child to adoption is NOT fun. It changes who you are. A parent has a right to know that their child is healthy and happy and loved. A child has a right to know all of their parents. No secrecy and no lies. The more people to love a child the better for the child.

An adopted child has 4 parents. I hope you can respect that. Your daughter will grow up appreciating and respecting you, if you can master this idea. Best wishes.

jessica300

Oh yeah, that should be really fun to watch your son or daughter learn to call someone else mommy! Fun, fun, fun and purely selfish!

Kazi

Like others have said, it isn't about the parents (any of them). It's about the child growing up emotionally happy and healthy and feeling secure in their world.

That is a regret I have, as we have 2 closed adoptions: we adopted from China which is closed simply on the basis that my daughter was abandoned, so we don't know who her first parents are. When we decided to adopt the second time through foster care, we again tried to pursue an open arrangement, but sadly, due to safety concerns, that again was not possible.

It it had been possible though, we would have been all over it, for our children's sake.

Indian-vision

Every body is emphasising on honesty and truth for the child. I agree 101%. Its a must and i am starting a blog on this for my country adoption . People in my country believe adoption must be kept a secret and children lied to. I know they need an education.

However, when we say "open adoption" it also means contact with the birth family. In many cases its not good for the child to remain in contact with the birth family. Example - birth father is a drug dealer, mother is abusive, etc.
In such cases let your child know the truth but one may need to stop all contact for the better of the child untill he is of age and can decide for himself. The purpose is not to decieve but to protect the child.

But incases where the birth family chose to relinquish out of choice for the better of the child. The relationship deserves openness if they (birth family) specifically asks for it. In our case our child's birth mother specified a closed adoption. We respect that too.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Adoption in general is not a good thing, but given the choice between open and closed, open is the better option

Oh, and the PAP's And AP's that want a closed adoption are the selfish ones

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

selfish??????? are you kidding me? the ap's should be GRATEFUL (!) they even got a kid.

mianjl001

no they are not selfish, they gave a child a chance to be in a home that someone could give them a a good life. i know someone that done this ,she loved her with all her heart, but knew she couldnt take care of her. she is giving herlittle girl a chance to know her when she grows up. she will always be in her life. It wasnt she didnt want the responsibility, she helps take care of her everyday.

Floozy Moonshine

Whether they are selfish or a self fish makes no difference to me. As long as I get my 30 grand for that kid, I don't care if it's open, closed, or off the charts. Adoption is beautiful in the eyes of my accountant.

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