Is open adoption still in the experimental stage?

aloha.girl59

I don't know the answer to your questions, but I wish I did.

Right now, it seems as if "open adoption" is something that is used to lure pregnant women into relinquishing their children. They are often scared, alone, and broke and think that by surrendering their children they can give them "what's best." Desperate PAPs promise these women the moon in order to get their hands on those sweet, fresh babies and then disappear into the night with nary a picture, letter, or phone number.

Until it's legally enforceable (and it SHOULD be), "open adoption" is a sick joke. I know that some people on here have open adoptions and they get high praise from me! I'm not saying that open adoptions never happen. I'm just saying that, for the most part, the term is a ploy to coerce mothers into giving up their children. It's sad and sick and should be a crime to enter into an agreement like that and then renege.

Felicita1

The only research done on open adoption before it began to be offered was to see if it would persuade more mothers to surrender their babies. It did, and extremely successfully, and hence it began to be offered as a way to get more babies to market. It saved LOT of adoption agencies/businesses from bankruptcy in the 1980s after the BSE no longer could provide them with "product."

Expectant moms were *promised* they could always have contact with or receive information about their lost child. Adoptive parents were told they could offer this and then not ever have to honor this "informal agreement." That if the "birthmother" persisted they could take legal action against her based on harassment charges. They were also told by agencies to "gradually minimize" the contact over time, and then to stop it entirely, to healthily "help the mother move on" from her obviously "pathological" obsession with her former child. I doubt any mother can ever "move on" from her child (dissociation due to trauma from the reality of having a child is another matter).

Other than the research on how to use open adoption as a lure, NOTHING was ever researched before it was implemented. Recent studies are being done, but on "self-selected" populations such as adoption agency clients where the agencies can "prime" or "select" the clients who will participate in the study before the study take place to ensure. Certain recent well-publicized studies are of this nature and they are pro-adoption. Also, these studies tend to focus on very short-term (< 3yrs) outcomes of "satisfaction" and don't look at long-term (10 yrs+) outcomes.

ETA - forgot to add that open adoption was suggested by baby brokers Pannor and Baran in articles in the 1970s also due to interviews with BSE-era moms and adoptees who railed against closed/secretive practices. They *assumed* that open adoption would be better as there is "less secrecy." However, they did NO research to find out what other problems would arise instead. They figured it was the fix for everything as did other researchers and spokepersons for the "open records movement." Their assumptions went unchallenged.

btw, Adoption.com is a site profiting from the sale of babies. They do not print anything on their site that criticizes or finds fault with adoption. This includes research -- all you'll find there are pro-adoption studies.

Freckle Face

Hi Maybe,

Yes, i believe it is.

What we were told almost 11 yrs ago was that only 2% of the population is adopted but of that 2%, 98% were in counseling. They attributed this to "closed" adoptions. They were hoping to rectify this problem by taking the honest and open approach.

I am not sure how much thought went into the effect of the child, mother or adoptive family. It sounded at the time that they were hoping honesty and openess would work out better than the previous closed adoptions.

Yes, we entered into our open agreement thinking our daughter would do better knowing her personal truth and having a relationship with her mother. We had also hoped it would help her mother to have visits, photos, emails etc.

No, there were no complexities that were discussed before we agreed to the open adoption.

You know Maybe, I really don't understand it. We keep trying to maintain contact and to honor our agreement to no avail. I'm not sure if it is the healthiest thing for all mothers involved. We have recently learned that she has also relinquished custody of her other two children she was raising. The whole thing is just sad.

I have spoke to extended family and expressed my sympathy. I told them of my guilt and that maybe the adoption just destroyed her as a person and mother. They said that was not the case and they were happy that DD was being raised in a happy and stable environment. Then cut off communication. *shrugs*

I'm seriously confused but as a mother, I would need updates in pictures at least to know my child is alive and well. So i continue with our photo updates and i will until the day i die or until they reunite or until she tells me to stop.

monkeykitty83

I think it has to be considered somewhat experimental still, simply because its a fairly new concept and so there aren't many children who have reached adulthood in open adoption situations. Open adoption can't really be considered a proven concept until a substantial number of the children involved grow to adulthood, and can speak for themselves about the subject.

I do think the adoption industry has given a lot of thought to open adoption, but I think the legal system really hasn't, and is far behind on reasonable regulations.

I think families may underestimate the difficultly of integrating into a relationship with another family they don't know (on both sides,) even with the commonality of a child to bond them. I think that being in a situation where you're trying to forge a relationship with strangers and it's all tied up with the complexities and losses of adoption isn't an easy thing to make work. And I think prospective adoptive parents may underestimate that in their desire to be parents, and expectant or relinquishing parents may underestimate how hard it is to see the child growing up in another family even with continued contact.

I DO think open adoption is the best thing for children whenever possible, at least until children who have been in open adoptions grow up and tell me I'm wrong, in which case I will change my opinion. But I also think open adoption is incredibly complex and difficult, and people often underestimate that fact.

Serenity71

Yes it is,

How can all these professionals really know the outcomes or the effects it can have on all parties when our kids aren't even adults yet.
i tend to speak my mind a bit with social workers when the make blatant claims that it works in all cases. (I'm honest, and I'm not scared of them. In my country that's refreshing most people don't like to voice what they feel to that crowd for fear what they say will be used in a negative way against them. I pointed out to one ghat her attitude and approach can close up more open adoptions in the long term. She uses a lot of guilt tactics with adoptive families if they question any aspect of the contact requested. Mainly they just want it to be able to work within their family as well as the biological family. What is so wrong with that?)

I can see a need already for more ongoing support for all parties in the early stages. (From what I see here the US agencies don't offer anything once the adoption has gone through.)

Time will tell what my kids will have to say about it I pray for them it answers a lot of questions and takes away the mystery that can surround adoption. And the only ones now I feel that will have control over this is my kids. Its their call in years to come how much contact they have. Thats why I don't support enforcable open adoptions. why take away more say in it from an adoptee.

But in their case they also have had foster carers, we keep in contact with them too, as its has been found adoptive kids find that relationship or simply knowing as important as finding birth family members. After all a lot of foster parents were the first ones to change a nappy or pick them up from hospital.

(BTW- It's not just adoptive parents who break off contact, birth parents have done it too. As long as letters are at least coming in there is still contact and openings. AND if they want that much control, why not chose foster care instead of adoption. )
Good question...

grapesgum

Open adoption was not researched at all. The adoption industry was in panic mode because the rates of surrender had dropped to near zero. The industry devised open adoption to boost the rates of surrender. So, yes, open adoption is in the experimental stage. The adoption industry uses it as a tool to stay in business and it is dumped on their victims "to make it work".

As long a open adoption is used as a tool by the adoption industry to boost surrender rates and they do not adequately prepare natural and adoptive parents for the complexities, open adoptions will be fraught with difficulties. Until the adoption industry stops sugar coating open adoption as win-win-win for natural families, parents will continue to think that they can surrender their children without the grief of losing a child to only find out later that adoption is loss and it is raw pain. Until open adoption is given legitimacy by making it legally enforceable, it will not be taken seriously by the adoption industry or by the parents. Until open adoption includes banning closing access to birth information, adopted people will not have full rights.

Thanks for asking. Great question.

kidmindi

When I was adopted, my parents decided that I should not even know I was adopted until I was 18, if ever. I found out on my own and the shame of it led to years of me feeling like the whole thing was a dirty little secret.

I wanted to know my birth mom but was told terrible things about her. I was told she never wanted me. That made me feel even worse. Until the day I found my birth mom, I felt a like I was walking around with a hole in my heart.

Then they day came when I was presented with another woman's 8 mo old daughter. This was my husband's child by his ex girlfriend. He had gone to get her for a visitation and been told the child had been left alone for over 3 hours the night before while her mother was at the local drug house.

When he took her for his visitation he told the mother he knew she had left her and was filing for custody. Her exact words were "take her, now you got what you F__ing want" And she threw a few of the baby's things into a bag and told him to get lost.

So he comes home (we had just moved in together) and puts this baby in my arms and says "As far as I'm concerned you're her mother now and that b*tch will never lay eyes one her again"

Well after settling the baby in as best I could for the moment, he and I had a talk. I told him that in no way could I do what my parents had done. There was no way I'd keep a woman from her child nor a child from it's mother.

I told him that if he kept the baby's mom away from her he had better be prepared to be hated by her when she got older.

After emotions calmed down, her mother called wanting to know if she would ever see her again. I took the phone and talked to this girl. I had never met her before, but figured she should at least know who was caring for her child.

A couple weeks later, we had the birth mom over to our house to visit the baby and for us all to talk. We all laid our cards on the table and she admitted that she was having a hard time and just could not take care of the baby.

I told her that I would make sure she was never denied seeing her child. A month later, we went to the attorney and she gave my husband legal custody.

A few months after that, for her own reasons she asked me about adopting the baby. I agreed and we all went to the attorney and each paid half of the costs.

It took a lot of trust for her to know that we would keep our end of the bargin and let her have contact. However she and I have a good relationship and she has told me that she dosen't really trust my husband, but she trusts me.

It has been alsmot 2 years since I started raising her child and almost a year since the adoption was final. I think for us, this open adoption is working. My daughter will never have to feel like a dirty little secret, nor will she have to wonder why her birth mom gave her up. Hopefully she will never feel that hole in her heart the way I did.

I don't know about the legality of it all. I think if someone promises an open adoption they should keep that promise. However there could be times that keeping the birth parents in a child's life would be harmful.

Maybe open adoption should be made legal and if for some reason the APs wanted to close it they would have to go before a judge and let the judge decide if the reason was valid not just the Aps deciding they do'nt want to share.

BLW_KAM

There doesn't seem to be a tremendous amount of research, but there is some: http://statistics.adoption.com/information/adoption-statistics-open-adoptions.html

I like this common sense quote: "Beginning in 1974, research demonstrates that some of the psychological problems observed in adolescent and adult adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents appeared to be directly related to the secrecy, anonymity, and sealed records of adoption. Open adoption became increasingly common in the 1970s,1980s, and 1990s as research and practice began to promote the principles of open adoption. (Baran and Pannor, 1993) "

The concept of open adoption is aimed at easing the stress on the child and the natural parents. Of course there are huge benefits for the adoptive parents too who can answer their children's questions truthfully and don't have to lie or remain silent.

Yes, we definitely went into this thinking it would be easier (less traumatic) on all parties involved.

Yes, the complexities were explored in a general way, but since there are no crystal balls, the nuances of open adoption don't appear until it becomes a first hand experience. There have been some things I never anticipated and there are days when I struggle.

There are probably many reasons why people loose touch including jealousy, possessiveness, fear of bad influence, or concern with interference on the part of APs. I wonder if natural parents back away because seeing their children with other parents is too painful??? I really don't know.

For us, it just made sense. I remember saying, "I don't want my child asking where his/her hair came from and not being able to answer." It's funny, because our daughter is biracial and she has a mass of curly hair. I can point to the picture of her natural father and say, "See, you got your hair from your father."

Where were you

I think that it should be legal to enforce if the adoptive parents decide they don't want to do it anymore than a judge could award custody to the biological parent(s).

And if the Biological parent(s) fail to follow through with visiting that a judge could place a void on visitations and the child can decide at age 18 if (s)he wants their biological parent(s) in their lives.

And yes open adoption in the early stages they need to make laws to make sure that neither party should does not follow through with the open adoption but should also allow modify visitation if the biological parent(s) phone ahead or are unable to visit due to financial reasons. Or if the child is being abused or neglected they should cease visitation.

Jane S

I don't know but I'd like to adopt some kids from Idaho;

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