Is there any leniency in the waiting period for adoption after a loss?

My husband and i have lost two babies in the past year. Our son was born at 41 weeks and died at 36 hours old due to blood loss caused by Vasa Praevia. Our daughter was still born at 25 weeks and that was unexplained.

We have the plan that we will try one more time to take a healthy baby home and if we suffer another loss where i have to have a c-section (i had to have c-sections with those two) then we will start adoption.

The thing is, after reading the literature send by the adoption agency it says that they want couples who have suffered a loss to wait a year before starting adoption. Basically we dont want to wait that long. If we try again and suffer a loss it could be another 3 years from now before we are allowed to start the adoption process. I am 27 and my husband is 31.

I am aware that our age at the moment is good for the chances of us getting a child under 1 year old. The older we get, the older child we will be allowed. Now, i'm not saying that i wouldnt take a
Additional Details
...an older child, but we have everything already in place for a baby.

We are in the UK if that makes a difference. Would it be better not to TTC and start the adoption process now? What are the chances that they would allow is to adopt sooner, rather than waiting? Do they take into account individual reactions to loss, mental health etc?

I think we will speak to a social worker of course, but i just wanted to see if anyone had any experience, or could offer any advice.

jackie#

oh my god to be honest i dont know anything about adoption but can i just say how sorry i am for your losses.i cant even begin to imagine how you feel and wish you and your husband the best in the future.

Heather B

I am sorry to hear about your losses. I too have lost babies (one of twins in 2000 and twins in March of this year) and I know how heartbreaking this is.

Is there a reason why the still birth was unexplained other than she was severely premature? I hope doctors are able to explain things to you and reassure you that the chances of giving birth to a healthy baby are good. I lost three but I also have three healthy children

The rules for adoption are there for good reason. It is not for us to attempt to circumvent them to meet our own needs, although I know alot of people try to.

Does the same rule apply to fostering? I am sure you would find fostering very rewarding and lord knows, there are so many lovely children in care who get by-passed because of people demanding babies. Please give them a chance if you can

Best Wishes

Dear Monique T

this lady lives in the UK where private adoption is illegal so there are no agencies fleecing money out of adoptive parents and making money off the backs of babies - thank god!

Also what you are suggesting - finding a pregnant girl and adopting her baby is also illegal practice in the UK - thank god!

Mommy to 11 month old Jacob

What about if you adopt now, and then after 2 years try one more time for your own baby, so you have the best of both worlds.

But I can see why an agency would say to wait a year after a loss....so they can be sure you aren't adopting out of grief, and tat you really do wish to adopt. (which isn't your case, but they have to think that way).

NiNa

oh my god to be honest i dont really know anything about adoption. im actually searching for information in trying to adopt my nephew-just want to say how sorry i am for your losses.i cant even imagine how you feel and wish you and your husband the best of luck in the future.

Julie R

I am so very sorry for your losses. And I know you feel you are handling them well, but... the rule of thumb for the time it takes to fully grieve a loss is 2 years, and people are generally unable to grieve more than one loss simultaneously. I would recommend counseling. If the counselor feels you have processed your grief, s/he could write a letter to the agency on your behalf. If not, s/he could certainly help you through the process. Either way, you win. Go from there.

stormwarnfm

You can always TTC as well as start the adoption process.

With your history and ((((HUGE HUGS)))) to you, like me, it's best to go ahead and keep your adoption plan even if you get pregnant during the adoption process.

I never made it as far along as you pregnancy wise...but with my multiple miscarriage history, I've learned that pregnancy, at least with me, is not a sure thing.

I have many friends on adoption.com who TTC and went through the adoption process at the same time.

Some of them even brought home their biological baby and were matched with an infant a few months later and adopted them as well.

Some were like us, not so lucky, and the adoption plan went through without a hitch.

Keep in mind, however, not every agency will have that "waiting period" requirement, so "shop around" to see if all the agencies in your area share the same belief.

I am 33 and hubby is 44, and we adopted a 9 and 10 year old from the state last year...so all of these requirements you mention sound agency specific.

Best of luck honey, take care of yourself.

Crucio

Could you start your adoption process and then maybe once you have a child then a year later you could try for a biological baby. Or even start the process and still TTC. Then whatever happens youâ€™d have a child, and could luck out and have two great kids. I also can understand why they would want to wait a year. Otherwise as has been said they feel your only adopting out of grief, heck I donâ€™t even think people should try extremely soon after losing a child (however old he or she is) to conceive another. Its almost like they want to replace the child they lost.

sassylyn

I feel that you should begin now with the process. Have you thought about a outside the country adoption. Russian and china Roamnia Pray about it and talk to someone But you do need to put it in Gods hands Pray

MONIQUE T

I feel so bad for you!!!!! If you 2 lived closer i swear I would try to help you both!!! If planning to adopt try to find a pregnant girl that doesn't want her baby instead of going to an agency. These agencies are so stupid when they ask for any money for heaven sake these babies/children need a home there not dogs or cats! My friend just adopted a baby boy and only paid for lawyer fee's to complete the adoption which was like 1,500 and when they looked into adoption agencies they were 5,000 + even threw the state adoption's. Her co worker's lil sis at 16 years old got pregnant and couldn't keep it so that's how she got the lil guy! I wish you all luck!!!!!!! god bless you! I know the hurt of loosing a child it seems to stick with you for the rest of you life.

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