Is there anyone here that has given up a child for adoption quite a while ago and ...?

gypsywinter

I am a surrendering mother from 1964. It definitely was not the 'right decision' for me...in fact it really wasn't my total, informed decision. The decision would be made for me, before I even awoke after giving birth to my baby. When I woke up..I asked if I had a boy or a girl...I was promptly and brusquely told..."You don't need to know, 'the baby' is up for adoption'. No papers had been signed..I wasn't even fully conscious..and the beginning of the end..began. The night I came home from the hospital I knew without a shadow of a doubt...the worst thing that could possibly happen to me and for my baby.. had just happened..she wasn't with me. I was never ashamed of being pregnant, I was never ashamed of giving birth to my baby...but I would be ashamed for 34 years that I 'gave my baby away'. But I also did not know all that was happening in that time either, when it came to young unwed mothers and their babies..I do know today.

I met a very angry and unforgiving daughter in reunion. She cried many times and said..'You left me'...and I did. For many of the 9 yrs in reunion, I have been the recipient of really hateful behavior...but I hung in there with here (and she with me)..and there have been times that I have spoken to her like a misbehaving child, as a parent many times has to do. I told her and always have, I will listen, even in her rageful moments...because I always knew at the end of the day...I was her mother, she was my daughter...no matter all the 34 yrs of separation. Do we have a true mother/daughter relationship today...no. We cannot recapture all those years of lives lived on different paths. Her young mother is gone forever, just as my baby is gone forever. So we try and try again to forge a relationship that encompasses something unlike any other relationship. Not all adopted people thank their natural mother for surrendering them to adoption. Mine surely did not. But today I believe we have made our peace with each other..she knows that I love her and I know that she loves me as well. I also believe today, we have a healthier respect for each other too.

So no...for me the 'decision' was the worst mistake of my life and for my now adult child as well. We would have been just fine together..all we needed was a little support and not just monetary.. real moral support, real caring and real love for the 2 human beings we were (and still are)...Mother and Child.

As a side note..I have met her aparents, they are decent, caring people and my daughter loves her aparents, as well as her adopted extended family. My daughter chooses not to have any relationship with her 3 younger siblings (who are all close in age). And that's OK with me...today that is her choice. I still think it is all very sad..but we basically steer away from the subject of adoption now. She says it is just too painful for her.

Flying Monkey #073177

In my case that would be accurate but I regretted it before it was even done.

sunny

My 67 y.o. mother says it 'broke' her heart. She has never gotten over it.

myst1998

As a mother who lost her child, I never felt it was right to begin with (and was planning to keep) so I guess I don't qualify for this question.... HOWEVER... I have met many mothers who were okay with their decision for a while and then realised the magnitude of what it meant to place and have regretted it ever since.

Mothers and babies are not meant to be separated at birth, it wasn't in Nature's blueprint. Adoption is a man-made thing... a piece of paper... you can't expect there to be no issues. It wasn't meant to happen.

kitta

I was against it from the very beginning. My sons father and I were college students, actually he had graduated, but he didn't want to be responsible for our child.

The law wouldn't force him...not in those days.

My family thought adoption was best. My family owned a law firm and sometimes did adoptions. They thought adoption was great. Not me.

I fought to keep my child, but was sent away. I sought help but the agency gave me a contract for temporary care for my son and then ripped the contract out of my hands. Then the threats began. I was given a choice of either a "voluntary surrender" or a court termination. I knew the involuntary TPR was worse, so I signed after 2 weeks.

My child and I searched and found each other when he was just barely into adulthood. He had had a terribly abusive adoptive family and had been battered to the point of broken bones.

Now I work in legislation in Parents rights and adoption records laws. I work for natural family preservation.

There is no reason to separate loving parents from their children. Adoption can literally be hell on earth for some people.

Lori A

Unfortunately yes. My daughter was better off being raised by her parents than being with me. Do I regret that? YES. did it cause me huge amounts of guilt, frustration, worry, pain, and self medicating? YES. Do I recommend it? NO.

The one thing that hasn't changed over the years is the hurt and suffering. It took 28 years to find out she was alright.

FlutterMeBy

I'm not my mom but I don't think she still regrets giving up my older sister to adoption. She regrets that she didn't have the ability to support and care for another child and regrets that she didn't see one of her children grow up.

But she is happy that that child might have had a better life with two parents that can support and care and nuture her. She's happy that she didn't have to worry about another child when things got rough or when we went to foster care.

In short she's happy that one of her children, although not hers no more, escaped what her other children went through. Or hopefully anyway.

naughty girl

I gave my twin girls up for adoption when I was 17, I'm 24 now. I do not regret my decision. I did the best thing I could do for them and for myself at that time. I have an open adoption so I can see them from time to time and the adopted parents even come and get my son, who is 15 months for sleepovers with his sisters. I don't feel like the girls are mine. I might of gave birth to them, but I am not their mother, and I'm ok with that. It was difficult to begin with and I did feel badly. But everything turned out for the best for all of us.

Best of luck

39 Weeks Pregnant!

I don't regret it.
I miss my daughter, but she has such an amazing life. At 17 years old I wouldn't have been able to give that to her.
She is happy, healthy, smart and has a great family.

sizesmith

Both my mother-in-law and my best friend placed children for adoption while teens. Back then, it's "what girls did".

They both say it was what was best for the children. My mother-in-law is in reunion now, and my best friend doesn't ever want to meet her daughter.

Both have also said that they regret their getting pregnant, but not giving birth, and not placing the children.

allchildrenareangels

My best friend gave her daughter up for adoption. My best friend was 16 when this happened. I am 35 now. I have asked her if she has ever regretted it. She says no that it was what was best for her and the baby. They are in touch with each other and are both doing well. I think on sites like this people who regret tend to come here more. I think people who are more certain with the decision they have made don't tend to go to places like this and talk about it. Well that is my thoughts anyway. Good luck.

Love,
Michelle

Love,
Michelle

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