Is there screening for Anger problems in adoptive parents?

a healing adoptee

that is why there needs to be reforms in the adoption process. No child either biological or adoptive should be subjected to any parent with anger problems! I'm sorry that your adoptive father was angry and took it out on you. That was not fair.

*************Edit-
Aloha.girl59 I don't allow email because people like you think I'm crap for every thinking about my birth mother or saying there needs to better reforms in adoption so all involved in the process are doing what is best for the child.*****
*****Sorry Aloha.girl59 with all the insults going around on this forum, I guess i'm hyper senstive, so i take things too personally.*****

Andraya

I would think that a good many adopters develop anger issues in response to the adoption issues they encounter. I can only imagine how hard it must be to raise a child who was dealt such low blows at birth.

My adoptive father has anger issues, I really should say had though. When my amom got sick and it became apparent that she would die his anger issues intensified dramatically. He directed them at me, I was a rebellious teen and that cause more rebellion and then more anger on his part.

I think it is very easy to appear to be a loving and caring person with no issues at all during the few hours (in relation to every day life) that a prospective adopter spends with social workers and agency personel.

Isabel A

I wonder what would happen if there was documented proof of anger issues. Like malicious emails or answers.

It seems odd to me that people who threaten adoptees online are allowed to have adoptees of their own to raise.

Scary.

Edited to say: Aloha? Do you want to email me? That's so sweet! I'm flattered. Unfortunately, I had to deny email access as I was getting very strange and disturbing emails through Y!A. Sorry.

punxy_girl

The homestudy process which includes references is supposed to check for any issues in the adoptive parent which would preclude them from adopting. I would say that your father's issues should've been found. It is very unfortunate that the homestudy process is not regulated, and thus can not only vary state to state, but county (or parish) to county as well. This allows for a lot of subjective, personal opinions on the part of the social workers. Much like other professionals (doctors, police officers), people who are well dressed, educated to some degree, speak well, go to church, and are "respected members of the community", are often given the benefit of the doubt. The process has probably improved since your childhood, but in my opinion not sufficiently.

As far as most adoptive parents having anger issues, I hope not. I don't know if I've ever seen that specific research. But most adoptees are happy with their adoptive parents so I would guess not the majority at any rate. Of course, if you are just using this forum as your evidence, I would suggest that it is not valid. Much of the adoptive parents anger is directed at being attacked, and both "sides" are exhibiting a lot of defensive moves here which I feel is very unfortunate.

Sorry, Joy, I guess I did incorrectly read your question--many and most. My apologies. I still hope that many adoptive parents aren't angry.

Sunny, just so you know, homestudies are a requirement for international adoption as well as domestic adoption.n Any adoption (private, independent, international, domestic, even kinship) requires a homestudy. In fact, some international adoption homestudies are more complex and longer (depends on the nation from which you want to adopt). I don't know about all states, but in mine follow-ups for international adoptions are the same as for domestic ones. (I DO agree with you about waitressing!!!)

redpeach_mi

there should definitely be some type of screening for anger. my adoptive father is a very angry person and it has caused many problems in our family.

Adoptionissadnsick

My guess is that this anger stems from unresolved infertility issues. There is quite a lot of documentation that the inability to reproduce can create tremendous psychological suffering in some. Unfortunatly it's an illness that can often be concealed for brief periods of time, when attempting to make a good impression.

grapesgum

On adoption forums, I have read the posts of adoptive parents where they describe home studies as "a piece of cake". So I guess that means there must not be any screening for anger problems.

It's about the $$$. Got $$$ for an infant adoption? Okay, you pass. Can you save us $$$ for foster care? Okay, you pass.

Wundt

I am sorry that you had a bad experience with your adopted father, but I feel your experience has little to do with your being adopted. Many people who were not adopted also had bad parents.

Should your adoptive father been allowed to adopt...? No. When we adopted, we went through an extensive home study. We were interviewed about our past, our upbringing, etc. Could we have lied? Yes. Would it be possible to slip through...? Yes. But, short of extensive psychological testing (which can also be 'got around' by smart people), there is no way to be sure.

As to your statement that there are "So many disturbed people" who are allowed to adopt, I don't feel there is much support for your claim. As another answerer has said, most adoptees feel their adoption was a positive experience.

One thing you can say about adoptive parents is that they must at least go through a process before they have the children, we must prove we are stable and financially capable, there is no such selection process for 'natural' parents.

Crucio

Well my parents have never had anger issues. The few other adoptive parents I know donâ€™t either. Most of them also have biological children too, so they wouldnâ€™t be having anger issues due to infertility even if they had anger issues. When you look at it there are unstable people everywhere. Heck maybe even biological parents should have to go through some screening before being they are allowed to have children. I donâ€™t see why any type of parent should be held to a higher standard, a parent is a parent.

aloha.girl59

Wow. What a biased question. But what else can we expect from you and the rest of your anti-adoption cronies?

You are the one who sounds angry here. If what you say about your upbringing is true, that's terrible. No one should be subjected to that kind of treatment. But to infer that 'so many disturbed people' adopt is the same as inferring that all adopted children were stolen from their birth mothers. Neither assumption is accurate and you know it. Yes, there are people on this forum who respond angrily to your questions! You and your pack seem to make a sport of riling people up and then you barrage them with thumbs downs and nasty answers. You are not behaving any better than the hard core pro-adoption people when you ask questions like this.

Get some counseling. Will you ever get over your hurt and the feeling of loss? Probably not and that's too bad. But not everyone's experience is like yours was. Instead of spreading hurt, do something to change the situation if you're so unhappy with it.

Ooh, what a shocker! I just posted a couple of minutes ago and I already have two thumbs down. I'm sooo surprised. <rolls eyes>

I did not threaten anyone. Reread my post. I find it very interesting (and sad) that just because I disagree with someone, I am labeled as a threat. I also find it very interesting that many of you in the anti-adoption Mafia don't allow email from other posters. Gee, I wonder why that is...?

Note to A Healing Adoptee:
I wasn't referring to you when I said that certain people don't allow email. I was referring to the person who posted below me. As for thinking you are "crap," I don't think that about anyone on this forum, whether that person agrees with me or not! Don't put words into my mouth, please. My son was adopted and I fully expect him to think and ask about his birth mother. I think that is a given for any adopted person! If you had read any of my other posts, you would see that I don't advocate 'hiding' anything from my son about his adoption story or his birth mother. So please, before you accuse, do some research. I don't think you're crap at all. I just don't agree with everyone's point of view and apparently that makes me evil. So be it.

Isabel:
I only wanted to email you to ask you why you felt threatened by my post. I thought maybe we could discuss our viewpoints off this forum. I don't email people in order to threaten, insult, or otherwise disparage them. I'm sorry that you've had some nasty emails and that ruined it for the rest of us who would like to have an adult conversation with you. Aloha.
Healing:
Thanks for apologizing. I really appreciate it! You are a much bigger person than many of us who use this site. Aloha to you.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: